


Bring 'Em All In

by Iben



Category: Mad Max Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-06 06:16:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 54,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4211226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iben/pseuds/Iben
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Max has led a lonely existence for years, until one day a young woman shows up on his doorstep.</p><p>**</p><p>A lot of characters from the movies make appearances, but I chose not to tag all of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

During the weeks Max usually had lunch at the diner that was just a stone's throw from where he worked. Eating a big meal in the middle of the day like that meant that when he came home he could just have a couple of sandwiches or whatever else he might have in the fridge. No beer, though. He'd tried to drink himself to death, some years ago now, but failed and now he was sober. 

Today was Friday and he had the weekend off from work. That meant two whole days of having nothing to do. He didn't like to go to the diner then. On Saturdays and Sundays it was filled with different people than during the weekdays; teenagers occupying several tables, families treating their kids to pie and ice-cream. He felt as if they stared at him. 

On his way home from work he stopped by the supermarket. There were a few cars in the lot, not that many. The sun was slowly sinking behind the treetops, making the shadows stretch long and thin. A few flattened paper cups, with lids and straws, dotted the asphalt, more of them piling up in the ditch. They were from the place across the street. They had started selling milkshakes, adding to the littering of the town. There had been some complaints. Max didn't pay attention. He didn't drink milkshakes either.

The air was cooler inside the store than outside, the lights bright, the shelves neatly stacked. Max picked up a basket. Walking along the aisles he felt his stomach rumble. Someone had said to him once that it was a bad idea to go shopping when you were hungry. Maybe it was his mother, maybe it was Jessie. He didn't see it like that, though. On the contrary he felt rather proud of the way things were piling up in his basket. There was a sense of accomplishment in picking up items, real, wholesome food products and adding them to the bunch. 

He could cook. Not fantastically well, but good enough. He just rarely did. He bought potatoes, a couple of pork chops. Fresh food. He rounded the corner and came face to face with the sheriff, Furiosa. 

He looked away, felt his stomach clench, and a strange sort of shame crept over his shoulders. She nodded hello, and maybe he managed some similar kind of response before he stepped around her and continued towards the checkout. 

He couldn't get out of there fast enough. He paid for his groceries and headed back to his car, drove home. In the twilight the trailer park didn't look so bad. He'd thought about that before. Some of his neighbors had wound Christmas lights around their fences and kept them up all year long. An old lady, who lived a few lots down from him, grew vegetables and flowers on her small patch of a garden, and the smell of the honeysuckle drifted over to his door on some evenings. 

He went inside and put away his groceries, then he had to grip the sink a moment and just stand there, breathing in and out. He closed his eyes but quickly opened them again. Through the small window he could see the unkempt bush growing behind his trailer, the leaves a dark gray now in the last remaining light. 

He felt as if he could still feel Furiosa's gaze on him, even here in his kitchen. At least it had been many years now since she last picked him up in her cop car, put him in a cell for the night to sober up. He knew perfectly well what he had looked like back then, how he had smelled. She'd let a couple of resisting arrest offends pass. Pitied him, he supposed. 

But that was only half the reason for his shame. That was the least complicated part. He turned towards the fridge, then hesitated. He was still hungry, but not in the mood for eating. He couldn't remember anymore what had been so pleasing about a bag of potatoes and a couple of pork chops. If anything it made him feel pathetic now. For a moment he wished he'd bought a bottle of whiskey. The hollow feeling went as deep as his bones. Then the moment passed. 

He didn't cook. He made a couple of sandwiches, used the lettuce he had bought. He couldn't drink coffee in the evenings anymore. He used to, but now it kept him awake half the night. He watched some TV, then he went to bed. 

**

Working at the mill was all right. You had to keep your wits about you, and Max felt everything eased a little bit when he had to concentrate on something. He kept to himself, didn't really know his co-workers. He knew their names. He knew things about them, because he heard them talk in the locker room or during cigarette breaks. 

He knew Goose had another kid on the way. He knew Fifi, his supervisor, was planning on taking his wife on a vacation. Max wasn't a part of that world. Sometimes one of his co-workers would remember that he was there, and ask him how the weekend was, and he'd nod a little, reply 'Good' or something, even though he felt as if the world was swallowing him whole. They mostly left him alone. They didn't know what to say to him, just as he didn't know what to say to them. He had nothing to say to anyone. He'd run out of words.

Monday evening, clouds were accumulating in the east. Max squinted up at them through the windshield. Come nightfall rain would be hammering on the roof of the trailer. He paused by the entrance to the trailer park and waited for a couple of kids playing land-hockey to clear away their two makeshift goals from the road.

When he came to a full stop outside his trailer he remained in the car for a few seconds. Someone was sitting on the steps outside the door. A young woman. Her hair was long and blonde, bleached almost white by the sun. He didn't know her. Slowly he got out, the car door squeaking. 

He took in the scene. She wasn't alone; a toddler was by her feet, a duffel bag beside her on the ground. 

“Um...” He didn't know what to say and he had to look again to make sure that this was in fact his trailer, that he hadn't accidentally stopped by someone else's. 

She rose to her feet. “Hi,” she said. She had an inch or so on him in height, but she was thin, her limbs long. 

Max glanced towards the place next to his on the left. A young woman lived there, this one was maybe looking for her, had gotten the places mixed up.

“This is my trailer,” he said. 

“Yeah.”

She was standing right in front of the steps, he couldn't get past her without pushing her out of the way. 

“You've got the wrong place,” he said and took a step to the side, so that she could walk out of there. 

“You're Max, right?”

He'd been looking away, but that made him turn his gaze towards her. She knew his name, but he hadn't ever seen her before.

“I'm Dag,” she said. “Joe's daughter. I don't know if you remember me?”

He did, vaguely, digging deep into the muddled corners of his memories. He remembered a lanky teenager. Couldn't remember ever hearing her speak. As far as he knew her mother took her and ran at some point, and after that he never saw her again. That was more than ten years ago, he was surprised she remembered him.

Now that he knew it was her, he could see it. 

“Do you know where my dad is?” she asked. “Is he around here?”

Max shook his head. He hadn't seen Joe for years. He'd left these parts. Frankly, it was good riddance. That was some seriously fucked up shit that he, Max, had gotten himself involved in. It was a kind of self-destruction, but all the same he was glad it was in the past. 

“Shit,” Dag said, looking away across the rows of mobile homes, that over the years had gotten rooted to their spots. 

Max didn't say anything. He wanted her to leave. The toddler crowed something, somewhere down by his feet. 

“Could we have some water?” Dag asked. 

She looked at him and he nodded. She followed him inside, kid and duffel bag in her arms. He didn't have any cooled water in the fridge, so he let the tap run for a bit before pouring her a glass. 

“You don't have any idea where he might be?” Dag asked. “Joe, I mean?”

Max shook his head. He didn't know why she'd be out looking for him. Joe was a mean sonofabitch, knocked around his wife and kid both. Probably why the wife left. Didn't tell anyone where she was going, scared he'd find them. 

Dag had almost finished her glass of water, had shared it with her kid.

“I'm sorry to bother you like this,” Dag said. “But do you have any food?”

She looked hungry, he thought. Maybe it was because she was so thin. Or maybe it was because she was young. 

As much as he wanted to be left alone, he couldn't let them go hungry, so after a few seconds he turned towards the fridge.

The food he'd bought last Friday was still there, most of it. 

Dag sat down by the table, while Max cooked dinner. He could see her in the corner of his eye, staring out the window, or talking in a low, soft voice to her kid. 

“Wow,” Dag said when he put the food on the table. “This is really nice of you.”

It felt almost unreal to sit down at the table opposite her. He never had any guests, couldn't remember the last time he had a meal in the company of anyone but himself. He'd given Dag a teaspoon as well. He didn't look at the little one, kept his gaze on his plate. 

“Her name's Nanci,” Dag said after a little while.

Max nodded a little, without looking up. It got quiet again. The rain started pattering on the roof as they sat there. It was a little sooner than he had predicted. By the time they had finished eating it was pouring down. 

“Thank you,” Dag said as she put her fork down. 

“Mm.”

They'd get soaked just walking to the bus station. 

“Um... I can drive you.” 

“Yeah...” She looked out the window, then she took a deep breath. “I don't know where to go. I'd hoped I'd find Dad here. Now I... Fuck, this is humiliating, I don't know if I've got enough for a room at a motel even.” 

She looked at him. Her eyes were big and blue, set wide apart. Her face looked small, her features sharp and even. 

“Could we stay here for the night?” she said. 

He could see that it cost her to ask, the pride visible just beneath her skin. He had to think for a moment. He didn't want them to stay, but he didn't want to be heartless. Lightning briefly illuminated the window. 

“All right,” he said. 

“Thanks.”

It was too early to go to bed. The trailer felt cramped like never before. Dag and her kid disappeared into the bathroom for a little while. When she came back out she offered to do the washing up. He declined.

“You can watch TV, if you want,” he said. 

A little later he pulled his sheets from his bed in the bedroom and put clean ones on. 

“We don't have to take your bed,” Dag said.

He gestured for her to take the bedroom. The bed was more spacious than the couch and they were two, while he was just one. 

He made up the couch for himself. When the door to the bedroom was closed he stripped down to briefs and t-shirt and went to bed. The rain hadn't eased up yet and thunder rolled across the sky above now and then. He could hear the little one whimper in the bedroom. 

Dag seemed too young to have a kid, barely more than a kid herself. He was staring up at the ceiling when he realized he'd been younger than she probably was now when he had a kid. He and Jessie were both young. 

He didn't want to think about that, but now the thoughts were there in his head, and tentacles reached down in his chest and squeezed. In many ways it seemed like a lifetime ago, it was another life, he was someone else then. In others it was just a heartbeat away and he felt the urge to reach out, to hold them again. 

It was late before he finally fell asleep and he woke up with a start. It took him a couple of seconds to get his bearings, to remember why he was on the couch. He went into the bathroom and then he put on yesterday's clothes. He didn't want to venture into the bedroom to get clean ones while the two girls were still sleeping in there. 

Dag came up pretty soon though, perhaps he had woken them up. Her hair was messy and she had red lines on her cheek from the pillow. She disappeared into the bathroom. He made coffee and checked the fridge and cupboards for breakfast things. 

The little one started wailing and didn't want to eat when they were at the table. Dag got a flustered look on her face.

“Sorry,” she said. “She's not a morning person.”

Max didn't say anything. He was still relieved though when she took her outside. He could hear them through the open door. Dag talking, and the little one too, she had calmed down and her voice was round and a little squeaky. 

He had to get to work. He rinsed off his bowl and coffee cup in the sink and walked over to the door. Dag was sitting on the steps outside, like she had yesterday, the little one on her lap. The clouds had emptied themselves or simply moved on. The sun was shining from a blue sky.

“Um...”

Dag turned her head, then got up. She came back inside. 

“Thought you might need a little... just to help you get ahead.” He didn't really know what he was saying. He held out a small roll of bills. He saw the little one's chubby hand reach out to it, knew she was looking at him, but he didn't want to look at her.

He glanced at Dag's face instead, saw the hesitance there.

“You really are a very kind person,” she said. She took the money. “Thank you for everything.”

“I need to go to work.”

“Okay. Yeah, I'll just... I'm gonna pack up our things.” 

He didn't really have time for this. He had to leave now if he was going to make it to his shift on time. But he was reluctant to leave them alone here, in his home. He waited by the door. 

For such a small person, the little one farted really loud.

“Oh shit,” Dag said. “Literally. I gotta change her.”

She smiled a little apologetically at Max. She started pulling out things from her bag again, searching for diapers. She seemed stressed.

“Just lock up behind you,” Max said and took the spare key from the cupboard above the sink and put it on the counter. “Then put it in the mailbox.”

“Okay.” Dag looked at him. He met her gaze for a second before turning away. “Bye, Max. Thank you, again.”

He didn't feel comfortable, walking out to his car. He doubted she'd find anything worth stealing, but he didn't know her, didn't like that she was in his home by herself. She seemed to be in a pretty desperate place. Whatever she was running from had to be pretty bad, if she was running to her dad. 

He worked, had lunch at the diner. A couple of younger guys from the mill were sitting a couple of tables away, their voices loud and their laughs raucous. When his shift was over he headed home, wondering a little what state he would find his place in, then wondered if he was being paranoid or even unfair. 

It became obvious the moment he pulled up to the trailer that she hadn't left. The door was open and he saw her shoes on the steps outside. He felt wary, walking up to the door. He found her by the stove, stirring a pot. The little one was playing with some plastic toys on the floor.

Dag's eyes were big when she looked at him. He didn't know what to say. 

“I thought I'd make dinner for you,” she said. “Return the favor.” Her smile was wavering.

Annoyance crept up his spine.

“I'm sorry,” Dag said, putting the utensils down. “We were going to leave, we did, but then I didn't know where to go.”

He had to bite back what he wanted to say, remind himself that she was just a little girl. But this was his home. 

“I walked into town, to find a bus, but... I didn't know where to go, and then I saw the supermarket...” She drifted off.

“You have to leave now.”

He moved away from the doorway, clearing the exit. 

“Okay.” She crouched down, picked up the toys and then her daughter. She collected her duffel bag. “I'm sorry,” she said again. 

She met his gaze for a second before looking away, and then she walked out the door. He turned off the stove. It was pasta and a sauce in the pots.

He supposed they were hungry. Dag and the little one both. He sighed, then he went after them. They hadn't gotten very far, just a little bit down the street, still in the trailer park.

“Stay and eat,” he said. 

Dag squinted at him.

“Are you still mad?” she asked. 

“Hm.” He turned back. She'd cooked the food, he'd said she could eat it. He heard her steps behind him after only a few seconds. She followed him inside again.

“I bet your neighbors think this is the drama of the year,” she said.

He hadn't thought about the neighbors, didn't care about the neighbors. They ate mostly in silence, only the little one babbled a little. 

“I'm not usually like this,” Dag said when they had finished. “I'm just in a tight spot, right now.”

Max wasn't sure he believed that. People squatting in other people's homes was a certain kind of people, surely. 

“And I have her to think about,” Dag said, nodding at her little girl. Then she looked at Max across the table. “Do you have any kids?” she asked.

He got up from the table. 

“You can stay one more night,” he said. “Then you go.”

He headed for the door, he'd go for a walk, clear his head.

“Okay. Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next evening when Max got back from work they ate the leftovers of what Dag had cooked the night before. Max had figured he'd give her a lift to the bus station after dinner. 

“I've been thinking,” Dag said. “Maybe I should stick around here, find a job, get a place of my own. My own trailer perhaps. Do you know anywhere 'round these parts where they're hiring?”

Max didn't reply right away. 

“Do you need help tracking down Joe?” he said eventually.

“Yeah... I've been thinking about that too. Maybe finding him isn't such a good idea. I was just... out of ideas.”

She scratched at her elbow. 

“I was talking to this old lady who lives here today, and she was really enamored by Nanci, and I thought maybe I could find someone like her that would be willing to watch her, while I'm at work, you know?” 

Max thought he could see where this was going. 

“If we could just stay a little longer?” Dag said. “I promise I will pay you back, rent money and for food and everything, as soon as I have a job and get paid, it's the first thing I'm gonna do.”

Max didn't point out that if she did that, it would be even longer before she'd be able to move to a place of her own. But it didn't matter because they couldn't stay here. 

“You don't know me,” he said. 

“No, but you've been really kind. I can tell you're a good person.”

He wasn't a good person. Her instincts were so off, it was astonishing she was still on her feet in this world. He shook his head. 

“Well, it was worth a try,” she said. She looked down at the little one, who was squishing pieces of spaghetti in her tiny fist. 

“Where's your mom?” Max asked. 

He remembered Joe's wife, from the few occasions when he'd seen her. Joe kept her more or less hidden away, Max remembered thinking she probably never left the house. He remembered she was beautiful.

“She's dead,” Dag said. 

Max looked down.

“Sorry.”

“It happened a while ago. Cancer.” 

He didn't ask about the little one's father. It was none of his business. They weren't his business. It was quiet for a little while.

“There might be some place that needs a waitress,” Max said eventually. 

Dag snatched her gaze up. Her mouth turned up in a wry smile.

“That mean we can stay?” 

“Mm.”

They cleared the table, put the dishes in the sink.

“You can have your bedroom back,” Dag said. “Unless...” She was leaning against the counter, and now she angled her hips in his direction. “You wanna share?”

Max turned towards the sink. “Stop that,” he said. 

He could see in the corner of his eye how her posture changed. He turned the tap to fill the sink.

“Well,” she said after a little while, her tone of voice different now, normal again. “We won't hog your room.”

“You can stay in the room.”

**

A couple of days later Dag left her little one with the old lady. It was the same lady who grew all those plants in her garden, her name was Daisy.

“She's all right, right?” Dag had asked Max. “I don't leave my kid with just anyone, but she seems nice, and you know her?”

Max didn't know the lady, but he'd lived just a few lots down from her for years, and she seemed decent. She had a grown daughter of her own, probably about Max's age, who lived around here too. 

“I think she's all right,” he'd replied. Dag had to leave her kid with someone, if she was going to work, and she had to work. Finding someone who was willing to look after a toddler wasn't all too easy, especially if you couldn't pay them. Daisy the plant-lady seemed a good choice. 

Max waited in the car outside Daisy's trailer, while Dag dropped the little one off. Then Dag got back in the car. He drove into town, and stopped at the parking lot outside the supermarket.

“You'll be all right to get back on your own?” he said.

It wasn't far by car, but the trailer park was on the outer edge of town, and it took a while to walk there.

“Yeah, I'm used to going on shanks' mare.”

The phrase sounded oddly old-fashioned and Max just nodded. He went to work. On his lunch-break he walked over to the diner, but almost stopped in the doorway. The sheriff was in there, sitting at a table with one of her deputies. He'd attract more attention if he turned around and left, so he walked in and sat down by a table. Rosie the red-headed waitress came over.

“Today's special is lasagne, you want that?”

Max nodded. The food arrived quickly and he stared down at his plate. Once, a long, long time ago, in another lifetime, he'd been on a date with Furiosa. They were in the same year at school and they were seniors at the time. They'd gone to see a game, the school's team was playing, and then they went to get burgers. He'd kissed her there in the booth, and then they kissed some more after they'd left. She ended up sneaking him into her room and he slept with her there in her bed. 

They only had that one date, though. They decided to see each other again, but they were teenagers and life spun so fast back then. They graduated, he started dating another girl and Furiosa went out with someone else too. He really liked her, though. She knew Jessie as well, this was a small town and Jessie was just one year younger. He never told Jessie about that one date. There was no reason to, but he felt very much ashamed, after everything had happened, because he had never stopped thinking that Furiosa was attractive. 

It became this hard-boiled knot of guilt, sitting in his chest, because he still found her attractive. He loved Jessie, it couldn't compare, but to this day he still had an infatuation of sorts with Furiosa that he hadn't been able to quench. It made him despise himself. 

He looked out the window, tried not to think about anything, but ended up thinking about it all anyway. 

“Hi.”

Max had to turn his head and nod a 'hello' in return. Furiosa's smile was brief and then she continued towards the exit. In many ways she made everything worse, by always acknowledging that she knew him. 

She kept her hair short now, and it was dark, instead of the blonde locks she'd sported when she was younger. She'd gotten older, but she was still just as beautiful. She'd been married, divorced now. Two daughters who were in their teens. 

It was the same with everyone he'd known when he was young, and that was the main reason he stayed away from it all. Because seeing them and their families only reminded him that his son would have been that age now, his wife would maybe have started to get a little gray in her hair, or gotten fat, or had laugh-lines around her eyes. 

Instead she'd forever remain the way she was, they both would, and they weren't here, and he was alone. 

He put a couple of bills on the table and left. He went back to work. 

When he got home Dag was making dinner.

“You don't have to do that,” he said. 

“It's the least I can do,” she replied. She glanced over her shoulder at him. “No luck today, I'm afraid. There are a few more places I can go tomorrow. Daisy said she'd be happy to look after Nanci again.”

Max nodded.

The next morning was a repetition of the one before. He dropped Dag off in town before heading to work. He picked up some groceries on his way back that evening. When he stepped inside the trailer Dag was smiling.

“I got a job! It's only part time, but the manager said that if it works out and something opens up I can get more shifts. Also, he said that it was a bit troublesome that I didn't have any references. But in a while, even if I don't get full time there, I can apply for other jobs and have a good reference to give them.”

“Mm.”

Max put the bag of groceries on the table. The little one was under the table, he could see her leg. 

“Daisy said she could look after Nanci for a little while, until I find something else,” Dag said. “I just... might not be able to afford a place of my own just yet.”

Her smiled had vanished and she was looking at him with a hesitant look on her face. 

This was weird. The whole situation was weird. She showed up out of nowhere, the daughter of an old, disliked, acquaintance of his, and now he couldn't get rid of her. 

He nodded a little. He couldn't throw her out.

“Yeah?” she said, smiling a little. “I'll make it up to you, I swear. Anyway you like.”

There was that tone of voice, the jutting of her hip to one side, an almost coquettish look that seemed shallow on her face.

Max took the bag from the table and started to put the groceries away. Ignored her. 

“Tomorrow me and Nanci will go for a walk, get out of your hair for a bit,” she said after a while, and she had dropped the seductive tone, apparently she had perceived his rejection. 

She was a pretty girl, but he wasn't interested. He hadn't been interested in quite some time, all of that was a closed chapter of his life. And he knew he'd be taking advantage, that's what she was offering herself up for, nothing else. It was just tragic and sad. 

Saturday. Max didn't usually sleep late, he woke up pretty much the same time every day of the week. Dag stayed true to her word and after breakfast she and the little one went out. The place got quiet. Max could have told her he never did anything special on Saturdays, or any other days, and that she could have stayed in if she wanted to. 

It was a bit of a breathing space, though. Maybe for her as well. They were strangers living under the same roof, in a rather confined space. He collected his dirty clothes and walked over to the laundromats. When that was done he figured he'd clean the place a bit, but it seemed Dag had found the vacuum cleaner at some point during the week because there were no crumbs or anything, not even under the table where the little one sat and spread her food around. 

He walked over to Daisy the plant-lady's place. She was in her garden, wearing gardening gloves and holding a pair of pruning shears. Her hair was white and wild-looking. She looked up from her work when Max showed up and walked over to the fence. 

“Hello,” she said and he nodded in return. 

He didn't know what half of the things were that grew in her garden. He held out a couple of bills to her.

“For looking after the little one,” he said. 

“Nah, I don't need that,” she said and made a dismissive face. “She's quite an easy child, and her mother needs to find work, I'm happy to help.”

She didn't look as if she was going to change her mind, so he put the money back in his pocket. She was watching him. He wasn't stupid, he knew what she must be thinking, what anyone thought. But he'd done a lot worse, pathetic things, that people had witnessed or knew about, than shacking up with a girl much too young for him. It didn't matter what anyone believed. Still, he was grateful she didn't say anything to show her disapproval nor some kind of condescending encouragement. 

“I can't do it forever, this gal's not getting any younger, you know,” she said. “But for a little while, it's okay.”

Max nodded. “Thanks,” he said and even as he said it he wasn't entirely sure why he did so. It wasn't his child. 

Daisy nodded a little in return and then he left. 

When Dag got back she said she needed to go to the store, because the poop-monster, her words, had used up all the diapers she had. She said she could walk, but Max drove them anyway. Dag was sitting in the passenger seat with the little one in her lap, the seat-belt around both of them. It wasn't safe to go like that, but he didn't have a safety seat. 

At the supermarket she let Nanci walk by herself for a bit, she waddled on her short fat legs, but then Dag picked her up and carried her. She should have had a stroller. 

“I know they're expensive,” she said as she took down a pack of diapers from the shelf. 

Max shrugged a little. It didn't matter. He worked full-time and never spent any money, not anymore, since he quit drinking. So strange as it may have seemed, he had quite a lot to spare. He thought, he could buy her a stroller, for when she moved out maybe, as a going away present. 

They got a few more items, for the little one, and Max paid at the checkout. He felt as if people were staring at them, but then again he often felt like that and he couldn't tell if it was real or not. 

**

Dag started her new job that following Monday. Three days a week at the hardware store in town. Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Max could drop her off on his way to work. That meant she got there a little early, but she said that was okay. He picked her up again after his shift was over.

The week went by in no time at all, it seemed. When he got back from work on Friday she had made pizza. 

“I didn't make the dough,” she said. “It's one of those that you just roll out on the tray. But the topping is all mine.”

It was a warm evening, and since the oven had been on, it was suffocating inside. After they had eaten Max went outside and sat down on the steps. Dag showed up in the doorway. 

“You want one?” she asked. She held up a beer bottle. He shook his head. She came out and sat down on the step below him. Nanci waddled around on the patch of grass below, picking up straws and twigs from the ground. 

He could see the back of Dag's head, her long white-blonde hair that hung down her back. She had put a kind of clip in it, tying some of it together. She tilted her head back a bit, drinking straight from the bottle. 

“You're a bit weird, Max, you know that?” she said. 

He didn't reply. She turned her head and he met her gaze for a moment.

“But not in a bad way,” she said. 

It was quiet. The faint smell of meat being barbecued drifted over from some other lot. Dag went and picked up Nanci after a little while and put her on her lap.

“I should put you to bed, you little night owl,” she said, hugging her and rubbing her nose at her neck. “You're so fat and nice I could eat you, like a little piglet.” She kissed her cheek, the little one giggled. “Oh, I gotta pee, it's the beer. Could you hold her for a minute?”

She got to her feet, held out Nanci to him, and he looked away, shook his head. 

Dag laughed. “Come on, she doesn't bite. Well, sometimes she does, but only a little.”

He felt as if something was tightening around his throat, making him feel trapped. Maybe that showed, in some way, or at least Dag saw something, because her expression changed, and she put Nanci on her hip. 

She went inside, he could hear her talk to Nanci through the open door, getting her ready for bed. He stayed where he was. After a while she came back out, sat down in the same spot as before. 

“She fell asleep really fast,” she said. 

He felt exposed and he realized then that it had been a bit of a relief that Dag didn't know. Everyone here knew. For the longest time people averted their eyes. Some still did. They looked when they thought he didn't notice. His pain and tragedy was too horrific to look straight in the eye. 

Now Dag knew too, or she knew something. But she didn't say anything about it, didn't ask. 

Saturday it rained. 

“Do you have any movies that aren't westerns?” Dag asked as she was looking at the collection of video tapes he kept by the TV. 

Max didn't really know, so he didn't reply. The place felt slightly claustrophobic, but that was nothing new. But the feeling that he could hide, which had been a kind of relief, was gone, with the two of them there.

He was reading a paperback and tried to shut out the sound of them. 

“Have you seen The Breakfast Club?” Dag said. “If you haven't we should rent it.”

He didn't know what movie she was talking about. 

“I'm a bit older than you,” he said. 

“How old are you?”

“Forty-one.”

She smiled. “That's really not that old,” she said. “I'm twenty-six. I can still watch that movie without my head imploding.”

He glanced at her. She was scratching her elbow. She had some kind of eczema there, there was a patch on her other arm too, and one on her shin. He had completely forgotten about it, but Joe actually had the same thing. Psoriasis or something, but his was much worse. 

She sat down on the couch. “Do you wanna be left alone?” she asked. 

“Hm.”

“It's just that it's raining so much.”

She looked out the window. After a moment she scooped up Nanci and went into the bedroom. Daisy was right about her being an easy child. Max recalled sleepless nights, but maybe that was when the little sprog was even smaller. He didn't remember anymore, and the insight clawed at him. He had to remember. He didn't want to think about it, but he had to remember.

He couldn't concentrate on the book. He had never been a great reader, he'd only picked it up because he was alone all the time. 

He got up and knocked on the door to the bedroom.

“Yeah?” came the reply from in there. 

He opened the door. Dag was lying on the bed, Nanci sitting next to her, her toys around her. 

“Um... you wanna play cards?” he asked.

Dag smiled. “Are you any good?”

“No.”

She sat up. “Okay. Deal me in.”

That night Max was woken by loud voices and slamming of doors, or something else. He'd been having a nightmare, so it was a relief to be woken up. The ruckus outside continued. After a while the sheriffs showed up. The red and blue lights from their car shone in through the window, undulating across the walls in the room. 

Dag came out from the bedroom. “What's going on?” she said.

“It's the neighbors,” Max replied. “Across the street.”

Even in the faint light falling in through the window he could see that she was barelegged. She wore a t-shirt and panties. 

He sat up as she came closer. She walked up to the window and peered out. 

“Come away from the window,” he said.

“Why?”

He didn't actually have a good answer to that. 

“Is he beating her?” she asked. 

It was a family that lived across the street. A couple and two kids. 

“I think so,” Max replied. 

Dag remained by the window, looking out. Max wasn't interested in looking, this wasn't the first time the cops showed up, and it was nothing to see, but he couldn't go back to sleep either while she was standing there. 

Eventually it got quiet. Darker, too. 

“She should leave him,” Dag said.

“Yeah.”

“My mom did. Eventually.”

“Mm.”

“It's strange when you think about it, you need a license for everything, for driving a car, but any asshole can have kids.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was half past eleven, outside the windows it was dark and moths were flapping on the other side of the glass. The TV was on but Max was only half watching. Dag and Nanci weren't back yet. They'd been out when he got back from work, but he didn't think too much about it. Dag had made friends with the young woman next door, Toast her name was, so she could be out with her, or someone else she'd met at work maybe. She was bound to have more interesting things to do on a Friday night than stay in and play cards with him. 

Still, it was getting late. He considered getting in the car to drive around for a bit and look for them, he'd been halfway out of the couch a couple of times, but then changed his mind again. She was a grown woman. She wasn't his daughter, neither one of them were, and they weren't his responsibility. 

He should never have let them in. The thought popped up in his head again and again. He shouldn't have let them stay. 

There was a knock on the door. Automatically he looked out the window, but he didn't see a car and more importantly he didn't see a cop car. He got up and opened the door. 

Daisy was outside, with the little one sleeping in her arms. 

“Dag not back yet?” she said, peering up at him. 

Max just looked at her for a few seconds. He'd had no idea she had the little one, he'd thought she was with Dag. 

“She asked me to watch her for a few hours, it's been more than a few hours and I can't keep her over night,” Daisy said. “It's just too difficult for me to get up at night, should I need to.”

Max didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to tell her he had nothing to do with this, what Dag did or didn't do wasn't any of his business. Another part of him felt inexplicably embarrassed.

“Anyway, it's better she wakes up at home tomorrow morning,” Daisy said. She moved to hand him the little one and he almost took a step back, before realizing he didn't really have a choice. 

He could feel his heart beating. He was scared. It did cross his mind to refuse, but he couldn't get himself to do it.

Nanci was light, but at the same time the weight of her was solid. Her small body was warm and soft. 

“Good night,” Daisy said and left. 

Nanci hadn't woken up, but was sleeping in his arms. He glanced down at her. Her cheeks were round, like stuffed pillows, and her nose was small like a button. There was a tight feeling in his chest. She was so painfully real. He could feel her breathing. It was too hard.

He moved into the bedroom and put her down on the bed, but when he laid her down she started whimpering, her face contorting in an angry frown. 

“Ssh...” He took her tiny hand. The gesture was inadequate and he was too. He wanted to get out of there, but she was working up to a wail. He'd seen it, when Dag put her down and she didn't want that, or when she woke up too suddenly from a nap. 

Her cry was shrill and frog-like at the same time. She cried for mommy, one of the few words she knew, that he understood at least.

He lay down next to her. It was either that or let her scream. He would hear her into the next room, and he just couldn't do that. 

“Ssh... it's all right. Go back to sleep.”

He held her and talked to her, and he started to cry, because it hurt so much he thought something inside must break. It wouldn't, though, he'd thought that so many times over, but he just kept on existing.

Nanci settled down after a little while, went back to sleep, close to his chest. He didn't move, lest he'd wake her again. He wiped his hand over his face. 

He'd held his sprog when his little body was bloody and broken and the world stopped turning. 

He could hear the clock above the stove tick out in the kitchen. He was lying on his own sheets, but they smelled unfamiliar. 

There was actually more reason to worry about Dag now. If she didn't have her little one with her, who knew where she was or what she was up to. What if she bailed? It had been known to happen, people upped and left, even left their babies. But she wouldn't, would she? She loved this little one. 

He couldn't go out to look for her, not now. He couldn't leave Nanci. It was a fucking mess. Fucking Dag. 

He had decided to go knock on Toast's door, not caring if he woke her up or what, because he had half convinced himself by then that Dag had taken off, when the door opened and there she was. Wearing those cut-off jeans she always wore and her purse with the fringe hanging on one bony shoulder. 

Her gaze went to him and he stared back. He was too angry for words, and for a second he wanted to smack her, but knew he wouldn't. He'd never laid a hand on a woman and he wasn't going to start now. 

Dag glanced towards the bedroom. He'd pulled the door almost shut when he finally got up.

“She's in there,” he said. 

Dag looked back at him for a short second. 

“I'm going to bed,” she said and turned to leave.

“No.”

She stopped and turned her gaze to him again.

“Pack your things and go,” he said. 

It got quiet for a couple of seconds.

“You're throwing us out?”

He nodded. 

She made a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a scoff.

“You can't do that,” she said.

“Yeah, I can.” 

“It's in the middle of the night!”

He ignored her. 

She walked up to him. “Max, you can't make us leave now, where would we go?”

She was a little bit taller than he was, but her frame was narrow. This close he could smell the beer on her breath, and there were small beads of sweat along her hairline and on her upper lip. 

“You left your kid,” he said. 

He could see the shadow of guilt pass over her face.

“I lost track of time, okay?” she said. 

He didn't say anything.

“Please, don't make me beg,” she said eventually. 

“That kid is not my responsibility,” he said. 

“I know.” 

“She deserves better.”

Dag blinked away tears. 

“You don't think I know that?” she said. “I'm doing the best I can. You think it's easy? I know I'm a shit mother. We'd be on the street if it wasn't for you, and I am very much aware of that!” 

The corners of her mouth were turning downwards and she looked like she was going to cry. 

“Don't cry,” Max said, shaking his head. He couldn't handle more tears. 

“I'll cry if I want to!”

It got dead silent for a couple of seconds, while they just sort of stared at each other. Max was thinking about the song, and he knew she was too. 

She started smiling through the tears. 

“I'm sorry,” she said then. “I really am. I screwed up. I wanted to have some fun, just for a little while, just have a beer and dance a little. Then I just... I just couldn't face going back just yet, you know? And it got way too late.” 

She sniffled. “I promise it won't happen again,” she said. “Just, please don't kick us out.”

Max started to feel a little bad, about constantly holding that over her head, even though it was his home and everything. He could still feel the feathery weight of the little one in his arms, as if the memory of holding her was somehow solid and tangible. Dag had such thin arms, and she carried her around all the time.

“Mm.” He turned away and walked towards the couch.

“I don't know what that means,” Dag said after him.

“You can stay.”

He woke up in the dark hours, just before dawn, sweaty and flailing. The nightmare stuck to him like filth, clawing at his chest, and he could smell the blood. He tried to catch his breath. After a few seconds he got up and walked over to the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water, desperate to wash away the remnants of the dream that was only half dream and mostly memories. 

He stood by the sink a moment, trying to gather himself. Then he walked over to the bedroom door, thinking he should check that they were alright in there. Dag had been a bit drunk when she got back after all.

Dag was on her back in the bed, snoring. Nanci was sleeping too. They were all right. Max went back to the couch, but he turned on a lamp and picked up his paperback. He didn't want to sleep any more. But he didn't read either, only a couple of pages. Instead he sat there, thinking. 

Dag was a bit subdued the next morning. Feeling guilty or embarrassed, perhaps. Max went for a walk. The woods were close by. You could walk there for hours without meeting a single person. When he got back Dag was sitting on the grass outside the trailer, playing with Nanci. Most of the time she did have endless patience with her. 

She looked up at Max. “I apologized to Daisy,” she said. “She chewed my ear off, so... I think I've gotten what I had coming to me now.”

Max looked at Nanci. She was barefoot and wearing a dress that had a big, smiling panda on the front. The downy hair on her head caught the sun.

“You should put a hat on her,” he said. 

“Yeah, I know, but I couldn't find it.” Dag pulled up some long straws of grass from the ground. “I'm gonna put her down for a nap in a little while.”

Nanci turned around and looked at Max and smiled. She'd done it before, but he hadn't really been looking. He was looking now. 

Max made coffee while Dag was in the bedroom with Nanci, and he took his cup and sat down on the steps outside the door. The railing was a little loose, he should put a few more nails in it. The wood was beginning to go soft, slowly rotting away. But he could build a new landing, a new set of stairs, when this one fell apart. 

Dag came out and sat down on the threshold to the trailer. 

“How long have you lived here?” she asked.

“A little more than fifteen years.”

“By yourself?”

He nodded, even though he couldn't really see her, since she was sitting behind him. 

“You're not a fan of interior decorating, are you?” she said.

He turned his head and looked at her, but didn't bother to reply.

“Wow, that was almost a smile,” she said and he could hear the smile in her voice. “Maybe one day I will find out if you have teeth or not.”

“I only put them in when I gotta chew.”

She laughed. 

**

Max fixed the railing. It would hold a while longer. It was Sunday afternoon and he could hear distant voices from other people who were outside. He sat down on the steps with his coffee when he was done. 

He had only been sitting there a short while when Toast showed up around the corner of her trailer. She was about the same age as Dag, or so he guessed, but apart from that there was nothing similar about their appearance. While Dag was tall and blonde, Toast was short and dark. 

Max had never talked to her, as far as he could recall. He knew her by face, since she'd lived next door for a couple of years.

She stopped on the grass. 

“Hey neighbor,” she said. “Is Dag in?” 

“Yeah.”

“Can you tell her she can come over for some iced tea if she wants?”

Max nodded. She could have asked Dag herself, but he guessed she didn't want to walk past him on the narrow staircase. She started to walk back, but just before she turned the corner she turned around.

“It's girls only,” she said. He thought he saw a hint of an amused look in her eyes. He nodded again. 

He got up and went inside. Dag was lying on the couch, watching TV, her long legs resting on the back of it. 

“Toast invited you over,” he said. 

She looked at him upside down. 

“Okay.” She got up and tried to pick up Nanci from the floor, but Nanci protested. “Oh, come on, we're gonna go visit Toast. You want that, I'm sure you do, deep down inside.”

Nanci wasn't interested. She was scrunching up her face, and saying no.

“I'll watch her,” Max said, surprising even himself. 

Dag looked up from where she was bending over, trying to keep her daughter from kicking about.

“Yeah? Sure that's okay?”

He nodded. 

“Okay, you can stay here with Max instead,” Dag said to Nanci. “You wanna stay with Max? Yeah, you like him.” She put her down and straightened up. “Okay. Just come and get me if she's being troublesome. She said 'Max' the other morning, I swear. Or it might have been 'cat', but you know, you're both kinda furry.”

She smiled and then she left. He went to sit down in the couch. Nanci was occupying herself with a ladle and a plastic bowl, a couple of teaspoons that she was putting into the bowl and taking out again. That's what she had been so reluctant to leave. 

She handed them to Max and then took them back. Back and forth. And it was painful, because he'd done this before, played this exact game. But Nanci didn't know anything about that, she thought it was amazing. 

Then she wanted to sit with him and he lifted her up onto his lap. She was so small, so fragile. 

“Why do you only have one sock?” he said, taking her big toe on her bare foot between his thumb and forefinger. She looked down and then she smiled, probably because he said something rather than what he said, or because she was ticklish. 

He took a deep breath. She met his gaze straight on, her blue, round eyes never wavering, and he looked back at her. He was still here. 

When Dag got back Nanci had fallen asleep on him. 

“Everything's been fine?” Dag asked and he nodded. She walked over to where he was sitting and leaned down to take Nanci. Her long hair fell down and tickled his arm. She put Nanci in the bedroom and then came back out. She sat down in the couch, pulled up her legs. “You've got her charmed, with that strong, silent type routine. Works on all the girls, doesn't it?”

Her bare feet was by his leg, just barely touching his jeans, but close enough that he could feel it. She had tilted her head slightly to one side, smiled a smile that was probably meant to be alluring, but looked slightly forced.

“Don't do that. Why are you doing that?” He frowned at her. 

Her expression turned slightly flustered, embarrassment hiding just underneath. 

“I don't know,” she said and looked down. 

It was quiet for a moment, except for the voices from the TV. 

“It's just that you're helping me out, letting me stay here and all.”

“You should stop doing that.”

“No one's going to treat me better for it?”

She was right about that and he nodded. 

“Yeah, I know,” she said. 

On the TV a sitcom was just starting.

“You're the best friend I've ever had,” Dag said. 

Max glanced at her. The moment suddenly felt surreal and he couldn't think of anything to say.

“I'm sorry about the flirting,” she said. “I know you aren't expecting anything like that. I won't do it again.”

She was a fighter, fought for everything she had, would keep on fighting, for herself, for the little one. He could see it. 

“You're gonna be fine,” he eventually said.


	4. Chapter 4

“For those who are interested there will be extra shifts available over the next couple of weeks,” Fifi said.

He was standing in the doorway to his office, the green plants he kept in there visible behind him. He was a peculiar man, big and mean-looking, with a shaved head and an impressive mustache, but he loved those plants. Now and then a new guy would make some snide remark about it, or make a joke, but then never do it again after Fifi had stared him down.

Fifi held up a clipboard. “Just sign your name if you're interested,” he said. 

Max usually signed up, not because he needed the money, but because it was a way to keep busy. Some of his co-workers put their names down on the list, and he thought he would too, but then he changed his mind. He went to the locker room instead, collected his things, and then walked out to his car.

It was different, knowing that Dag and Nanci would be there when he got home. It felt different. Having dinner together, watching TV together, playing cards with Dag after the little one had been put to bed – it was something else than the endless evenings and weekends that he used to endure. 

He was still thinking about it, about the difference, when they were having dinner that evening. 

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Dag said.

He looked away, didn't know he had been staring.

“What?” she said.

“Are you getting any more shifts at the hardware store?”

“Oh, um... it doesn't seem like it right now. I'm looking for other jobs. It's just... it's a small town, you know?”

He nodded. 

“I like it there, though,” Dag said. “It's a lot nicer than waiting tables. I've done that before and it's much more stressful.”

“You should stay on then.”

“Yeah...” 

Dag stared out the window for a short moment. 

“I know a lot more about bolts and things now than I did before,” she said. 

Max looked at her for a second. She seemed lost in thought, thinking about bolts perhaps. “That's good.”

“Yeah...”

She turned her eyes to him and laughed. She had very straight, white teeth, and her two front teeth were a little big for her face. 

“You wanna watch a movie later when she's asleep?” she said, nodding towards Nanci. “There is one on TV tonight that I wanna see. I'm not sure if it's your kind of thing, but you can always fall asleep and snore loudly through it all.”

Max smiled a little. He'd done that another time, or so Dag told him. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

**

Every fall the town arranged a fair, there were posters about it all over town, including the window of the store where Dag worked and she wanted to go. Max didn't. He hadn't been to that, or anything really, for years and years. But he kept his mouth shut about his reluctance and went with them anyway.

The leaves on the trees had started to shift, green giving way to red and orange and yellow, but the sun was shining from a clear-blue sky and there was still some warmth left in the air. The traffic jam started well before they had reached main street. 

“I think we should park here, walk the rest of the way,” Dag said.

“Mm.”

As soon as there was an available spot Max pulled up to the side of the road. 

“I can't remember if I ever went to this,” Dag said when they'd gotten out of the car. “When we lived here, I mean. I don't think Joe let us.”

That sounded like Joe. Max had been to the fair as a child, then with Jessie, and then with Jessie and Sprog. 

“But I'm here now,” Dag said. “I want Nanci to have lots of experiences like this. Just lots and lots of good memories.”

Max looked at the trail of people moving slowly towards the town center, walking in the fields on the outer side of the parked cars. 

“Good memories aren't enough,” he said. “They don't last and then they're just... driving you insane.”

“But without the good ones you're stuck with just the bad ones. That's worse.”

He turned his head to look at her. She had Nanci in her arms and the little one was pouting her lips and scrunching up her nose, seemingly for the fun of it. 

“Hm. Let's go,” he said. 

There were stalls all along main street and lots of people and noise. Max felt unaccustomed to the commotion and sheer number of people. On a field on the other side of town was a funfair. There were a couple of carousels, a roller coaster and a ferris wheel, as well as more stalls selling various products and food. 

Max saw his co-worker Goose and his family, a group of loud, laughing teenagers, couples holding hands, families with strollers. Something prickled at his hairline, but it went away. 

“Look,” Dag said. “Nanci might want one of those.” She pointed at a stall where they sold stuffed animals. She picked up a giraffe. “She's drooled all over the teddy bear, and it got all wonky after I put it in the washing machine.”

Nanci grabbed the giraffe with her chubby fingers and put an ear in her mouth. Dag made a face.

“Guess I gotta buy it now,” she said. 

They weaved through the throng of people until it cleared a little by the food court. Dag tilted her head back and looked up at the roller coaster.

“Oh, I would've loved to go on that,” she said.

“Then do it.”

She turned and looked at him. 

“Yeah, you think I should?” she said and smiled.

“I'll hold Nanci.” He made a gesture for her to hand the little one over.

“Okay,” she said and smiled excitedly. “Just one ride.” He smiled a little back at her. Nanci willingly came over to him instead. Dag handed him her purse as well, after having put a couple of bills in her pocket. “See you soon.”

The air smelled of fast food and popcorn. He could see Dag standing in line to the roller coaster a little bit further away. She turned around just then and waved and he lifted his hand. 

“You wanna wave at Mom?” he said to Nanci. “She's right over there, see?”

But Nanci was enthralled by the carousel that was right beside them. The bright colors, the lights. She was too little to go on it, but looking seemed to be interesting enough. 

He'd thought it would be a lot worse to come here. For someone like him, who wasn't a part of the human race anymore, he'd be on the outside, looking in. But somehow, being here with Dag and Nanci it felt as if he had the right to be here. They were his friends, strange as that was, and that made a difference. 

He saw Furiosa before she saw him and that old, familiar sense of wanting to hide crept up his spine. She looked casual, out of uniform, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket. 

“Hi,” she said when she spotted him. 

He could feel himself struggle to make eye-contact, but managed to. 

“Hi.”

Her gaze went to Nanci. “Hi, aren't you adorable?”

Nanci decided to be shy and hid her face against his chest. 

“Um... This is Nanci,” he said.

Furiosa was smiling. It made her face light up. 

“I don't know if you've met, this is my eldest, Capable.” She cast a glance over her shoulder at a girl who looked to be in her late teens. Red hair and a lot of make up. 

“Hi,” the girl said and Max nodded a little. 

“We should get going,” Furiosa said. “Bye. Bye Nanci.”

She walked on, she and her daughter, and Max stood there with a sort of burning feeling in his stomach. He wondered if she had someone new, since she and her husband split up. He had noticed when she stopped wearing her wedding ring and had felt pathetic for it. He didn't have any illusions.

A couple of teenage boys walked by and Max followed them with his eyes. His boy would have been nineteen now. The unfairness was like a rift in the world that never closed. 

Nanci dropped her giraffe and he picked it up, then he spotted Dag coming back towards them. She was smiling from ear to ear.

“It was awesome!” she said. “You should have a go.”

Max shook his head. “I don't like heights.”

Dag waited with Nanci by a table while Max went and bought food for them at one of the food-stands. Back at the table they were joined by Daisy and her daughter Valkyrie.

“I used to love roller-coasters,” Daisy said. “But now I get such vertigo. It sucks, getting old.”

They sat there for a bit, talking over their food and sodas. Nanci had ketchup all over her face and in her hair when they were done. Then they slowly strolled back up main street, together with Daisy and Valkyrie, and Nanci fell asleep with her head against Dag's shoulder. 

“Do you want me to take her for a bit?” Max asked.

“It's all right,” Dag answered. Then she made an apologetic face. “Actually, if you don't mind? She's seems to get heavier when she's asleep, for some reason.”

Nanci didn't wake up, just stretched her arms a little, as if she was considering it, but then settled against his shoulder, warm and a little sticky.

Valkyrie had parked on the other side of town, so when they decided to call it a day she and Daisy headed off in one direction, while Max and Dag walked back to the car. 

“Can I drive?” Dag asked when they reached it.

“Do you know how to drive?”

“Yes, I know how to drive. Jesus, what do you think of me?”

Max just shrugged. He fished out the car key from his pocket and handed it to her. 

“Lots of people don't know how to drive,” he said when they'd gotten into the car. 

“Yeah, but I do.”

When they got back home Dag put Nanci down in the bedroom. Clouds were accumulating along the horizon. Max could see them from the window, dark and threatening. The air felt as if it was building up to a storm, a slight pressure behind his eyes. Maybe it wouldn't come this way, or maybe it would and ruin the evening for those planning on spending it at the fair, the teenagers and young couples who didn't have any children. 

Dag came out from the bedroom. 

“I should wake her up, but I just want to put my feet up a moment first,” she said.

“You should have a stroller,” Max said. He'd been thinking about that all day. “We should go out tomorrow and buy one.”

Dag made a fist and flexed her arm. “I'm really strong though,” she said. 

Max nodded a little. She had skinny arms. 

“Yeah, I'll get you one anyway.”

She smiled. “You're so sweet,” she said. “You know you don't have to.”

“I know,” he said. 

She sat down on the couch. “Look at those clouds,” she said, pointing at the window, and Max nodded.

He wanted a cup of coffee, something to wash away the grease and sweetness of the things they'd eaten at the fair. The coffee maker gurgled to life after he had filled it and flipped the switch. 

“Do you want a beer?” he asked Dag. She usually had one on Saturdays. Just the one, nothing excessive.

“Yeah, that would be nice,” she said. 

He took one out from the fridge and opened it, then he brought that and his coffee and sat down in the armchair. 

“Thanks,” she said. She took a sip and then picked a little at the label on the bottle. “You don't drink because you don't like it, or because you've had a problem with it?”

“I've got a problem with it,” he said. 

“It doesn't bother you to have these in the house?” she said. “Because it's not that important to me, I won't buy any more.”

Max shook his head. It didn't bother him. If he'd been alone in the trailer, he would have drunk them eventually, he knew that. But with Dag and Nanci here he knew he couldn't. He'd scare them half to death, scare them away for sure. Drinking for him was like letting a wild animal out of its cage. 

He thought about Jessie and about how they would sometimes share a bottle of wine. He didn't have a problem then, it started later, after. 

“It's all right,” he said. 

He was glad she hadn't seen that side of him. A lot of people had, during those years that he drank. People he knew, people Jessie knew. 

“It's good that you stopped. Did you go to, like, AA?”

“No.” He stared at his coffee mug for a few seconds. “I just didn't have the guts to kill myself. The drinking was a way to do that, the coward's way, but in the end I couldn't do that either.”

He surprised himself, talking to her like this, telling her that. He felt unused to it and it made him feel a bit uncomfortable. Maybe he told her because she'd been through her share of pain. You could see it, if you looked closely enough. And he knew it couldn't have been easy, living in Joe's house. He'd been over there, caught glimpses of both her and her mother. That's what it seemed like, mere glimpses, two people too scared of Joe to even make eye-contact. 

“Daisy told me what happened to you,” Dag said. “I'm really sorry.”

He'd gotten so many condolences that they all blended together, became even more meaningless than they were to begin with. Until they stopped. People expected him to get over it, to move on, but he couldn't, he still missed them, his wife and his child, and it would never end. They didn't understand, they couldn't; they still had their families and their lives. No one knew what it felt like, hurting like that. 

There was a cry from the bedroom, Nanci waking up. Dag stood and she patted his shoulder when she walked by him. 

He was relieved she didn't try to bring the subject up again later. They watched cartoons with Nanci and then had sandwiches for supper, still too full to eat a proper dinner.


	5. Chapter 5

In December Dag was offered extra hours at the store. The Christmas shopping apparently affected even the hardware business. 

“People buy gifts for their grandpas there, I guess,” she said. 

One shift was on a Saturday. 

“Can Nanci stay here with you?” she asked, looking questioningly at Max. “I can ask Daisy, or Toast, or Valkyrie, if you don't want to.”

“No, she can stay here.”

“Thanks. I'd rather not ask any more of Daisy, she already has her three days a week. I tried talking to her about paying her, but she wouldn't hear it.”

“Yeah, I know. I tried too.”

“You did?”

“She turned me down too.”

“You shouldn't do that. It doesn't feel right, you paying for stuff for me and Nanci. I know we're friends, but it's your money.”

“I don't know what to do with it, anyway. I don't really need anything.”

“That's either really sad, or really liberating.” 

Dag took the car to work on Saturday morning and Max felt a small sting of panic. She'd be gone all day, he had never watched Nanci for that long. 

They spent the morning inside. Nanci helped him do the washing up and after that he had to mop up the water from the floor. He changed her clothes and hung the old ones on the back of a chair to dry. Then they colored for a bit. There was already a sheet of paper with Nanci's nonsensical doodles on the fridge. Dag had put it there. 

He thought about her and her job. She seemed to be doing really well. Now she'd gotten a few extra hours, she was bound to get more shifts soon, since they liked her. Then she'd be able to afford her own place. Come spring they would be moving out, most likely. That's what he thought at least. 

He didn't want them to go. 

He looked at Nanci, she was holding out a crayon to him and he took it. She could say his name. It was a wondrous feeling, hearing his name from her round little mouth, in her squeaky little voice. 

There was no reason for Dag to keep living here, if she didn't have to. He knew that. They would still be in town, he could still see them, but it wouldn't be the same. In time Dag would find other friends, friends like Toast, girls her own age; it would end up being longer and longer between visits, and eventually they would stop seeing each other all together. 

It was only natural and he saw no solution to that. He didn't know how to hold on to them. 

After lunch he put Nanci down for a nap. She talked and she touched his face and giggled when his stubble tickled her hands. 

The bedroom was messier than it had been when he occupied it. Dag didn't have a lot of things, but she spread them around. The room and the bed smelled of her and Nanci. One of his paperbacks was on the bedside table. He looked at Nanci who looked back, very much awake. 

“Are you gonna sleep?” he said.

“No.”

“Okay.”

They got up again.

“Let's go outside for a bit,” he said.

Maybe she'd fall asleep in the stroller. Putting on their coats took a while. First the coverall, then the tiny mittens and the tiny boots. It would have gone faster if she didn't keep pulling the mittens off. 

“No, it's cold outside, you need them.” 

Finally she was dressed, from the knitted hat on her head down to her warm all-weather boots, and she looked a bit like the Michelin Man. Max put on his own coat, a knitted hat and gloves. The stroller was parked just inside the door, on a couple of newspapers. He got both the stroller and Nanci out, and put her in it. 

“You all right there?” he asked her and she nodded. “You gonna sleep for a bit now?”

“No.”

She was tired though, or she would have insisted on walking herself.

There were Christmas lights around door-frames and along fences that they walked past. Some kids had built a snowman in front of one trailer and a couple of other ones were busy building one on another lot. 

When he was by himself Max didn't mind walking into the woods, but now he kept to the roads where the snow was cleared. After only a little while Nanci had fallen asleep. 

The sky was overcast and the daylight seemed muted. Max walked without any specific destination in mind, but ended up pretty close to the gas station, that had an adjacent diner, and decided to go there. He'd been there with both Dag and Nanci about a week ago, and Nanci had liked the hot chocolate. He wouldn't mind something warm now either. 

The diner was mostly empty, only one table in the back was occupied, by a truck-driver who seemed to be napping over his newspaper. Max guessed it was his truck out front. Seeing those always gave him an ice-cold feeling in the pit of his stomach and he would look away. 

Lunchtime was over and this wasn't close enough to the town center that shoppers would stop by here for a coffee. 

“Hi,” the girl behind the counter said. “What can I get you?”

She looked familiar and it took Max a moment before he could place her. It was Goose's eldest daughter. Tracy, her name-tag read. She was in high school, Max had heard Goose talk at work about formals she wanted dresses and dates for. 

“Um... a coffee, and a hot chocolate.” He looked down at Nanci who was still sleeping. Tracy leaned forward a little and looked down at Nanci in the stroller. 

“I can bring out the hot chocolate when she wakes up, if you want?” she said. “So it doesn't go cold?”

“Thanks, but a little cold is good.”

“Okay.”

He paid for the drinks and brought them over to a table by the windows. He had to get Nanci out of her warm clothes or she'd melt. She woke up when he pulled her arms out of the coverall, and was not happy about it. 

Dag would sometimes get a bit flustered when Nanci made a fuss in public, but Max didn't really care. There were far worse things people could witness than a crying child. Not being able to walk and talk, and throw up on yourself, for example. 

He lifted Nanci out of the stroller and she leaned against him, burying her face against his neck. He pulled the coverall off the rest of the way and the boots went with it. 

“Ssh.. it's all right,” he said. “You want some hot chocolate?”

“Nooo.”

“Okay.”

She stopped crying pretty soon. 

The door opened and a gush of chilly air went through the diner. 

“Hi Sheriff.”

“Hi Tracy.”

Max looked up. Furiosa walked straight up to the counter. The sheriffs' winter coats were lined with sheepskin coat, it peeked out at the collar, but they were short and he could see the shape of her backside and legs in the dark trousers that went with the uniform. 

He heard her order a coffee and talk a bit with Tracy. It appeared her youngest daughter Cheedo was in the same year in school. When she turned around, she saw him. 

She came over, despite his inward continuous wishing that she wouldn't. Her coffee was in a paper cup, made to go. 

“Hi,” she said. “May I?” She made a gesture towards the chair on the other side of the table and he nodded. “Hi Nanci.”

Nanci had turned her head, but now she hid her face again. When Max glanced down he could see she was smiling, though. 

“God, they grow so fast,” Furiosa said. “When was it we met, at the fair wasn't it?” She smiled at Nanci, then she turned her gaze towards the window. The world outside was white and gray. 

“I'm doing some renovations in my house,” she said. “Capable and I are doing it ourselves.”

Max felt almost wary. He had no idea why she was telling him that, or what he was supposed to say. She usually said 'Hi' and not much else. A few times she'd told him to get his shit together and quit drinking. He couldn't remember sitting down with her like this since before Jessie died. After that their lives turned in such completely different directions. Her life continued, and for all intents and purposes, his didn't. He didn't even know how to talk to her. 

“So I've been to the hardware store quite a lot, to get things we need, and I've met your... girlfriend...” She glanced at his left hand. “...a few times,” she finished. 

Max had no idea how to tell her Dag wasn't his girlfriend. He felt that trying to do so would come off as either embarrassed denial, or some kind of desperate need to let Furiosa know he didn't have a girlfriend. 

He'd stopped wearing his wedding ring years ago, but he still had it. 

“She actually reminds me a little of Jessie,” Furiosa said. She smiled, but there was sadness in the look on her face as well.

Max felt panicky. He didn't know what to say, he didn't want to have this conversation. And he felt angry. She had no right. 

“I'm glad you've found someone,” she said. 

She probably didn't mean to, but it came out condescending. 

“I don't see how that's any of your business,” he said. At the same time he felt guilty, because she thought that he was in a relationship with Dag, that he had somehow replaced Jessie, when he hadn't. 

Furiosa didn't look taken aback. 

“No, I guess it isn't,” she said. “But we used to be friends.”

Max shook his head. He wasn't friends with her, he couldn't have been, because she'd been friends with Jessie, and he had slept with her and never told Jessie about it. 

Furiosa raised her eyebrows a little questioningly.

“We weren't?” she said. “I remember us being friends.” 

It wasn't really about the sex, he knew that. He'd had other girlfriends, before Jessie. But he had been able to picture himself in a relationship with Furiosa, back then. They got along so well. And even after he married Jessie, and he loved her to bits, he could still see that, that they would have been a good match.

But that was then. He couldn't picture it now. 

Nanci was getting restless. 

“I guess we remember it differently,” Furiosa said.

She got up from her chair and Max followed her with his eyes as she was leaving. By the door she met his gaze for a second and then she left.

He drank his coffee and Nanci her hot chocolate, then they walked back home. When Dag got back from work she had brought a garland of Christmas lights. 

“I bought it at work,” she said. “Employee discount.”

She held it up. “Should we put it on the railing outside?” she said. “Do you have an outdoor outlet?”

Max couldn't do this. Not right now. He felt as if his head was about to explode.

“I need to go out,” he said and then he left. He got in the car and he drove aimlessly for a while, before ending up outside Kelly's Bar. He sat in the parking lot. It was dark. 

He missed Jessie so much. He felt alone, even with Dag and Nanci living there. He was still alone. His feelings for Furiosa, or whatever you might call them, didn't make him feel any more alive, they only made him feel more dead. 

He watched the door to the bar. He could go in there. He wanted to go in there. Mostly he used to drink at home. He'd buy a bottle of whiskey, and he'd sit there in his trailer and drink. He'd have some beer in the morning, first thing as he woke up or he wouldn't wake up. And he'd feel sick without it, hands trembling, body weak and unbalanced. 

He remembered this, but at the same time the memory appeared faded, even false. He felt that one drink, just one, would make him feel better. He couldn't stand it, this noise and confusion in his head. He'd have just one, not more than one. 

In the end he drove away. The snowy landscape seemed silent on both sides of the road, the lights on the dashboard as lonely as the stars in the sky. When he got back he saw the lights in the windows of the trailer and he remained in the car for a moment. This was the closest he'd gotten to having a drink for years. 

Inside it was quiet. Nanci was in bed most likely, and Dag was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. 

“I saved some dinner for you,” she said. 

There was a plate on the table, another one upside down on top of it. It all seemed almost unreal. He wasn't hungry, but he sat down anyway. He heard the rustle of paper as Dag put her magazine down.

“Was it too much, having Nanci all day?” she asked. “Or was it the Christmas lights? We don't have to do any of that Christmas stuff, if you don't want to.”

Max pulled a hand over his face. It was neither. It was all of it. Maybe it would be a good thing when they moved out. Less complicated. He would go back to only having himself to think about, everything the way it used to be. That, too, seemed unbearable. 

Dag got up from her seat and walked over, sat down on the chair next to his instead.

“Are you all right?” she said. 

“No.” He looked at her. “I'm not who you think I am.”

“Then who are you?”

“I'm... broken.” 

She was looking straight at him. He didn't know how to explain it to her. She thought he was this good friend, someone who helped her when she needed help, but that was just a shell. 

“I think you've had a rough day,” she said. “I'm sorry if it's my fault, in any way.”

“No.”

“But you're not broken. I think you're great. Nanci thinks you're great. I think... you've been alone for too long.”

She looked down at her hands for a few seconds.

“I've been alone too,” she said. “But I don't feel as alone now.”

It was quiet for a moment, the only sound the ticking of the clock above the stove. 

“You know, if you wanna talk...” Dag said then.

“I...” he began, but then he didn't know what to say. 

“You miss your family?” she said after a little while. 

It wasn't as simple as that, and at the same time it was.

“What were their names?” Dag asked.

He had to swallow before answering, a lump obstructing his throat. “Jessie and Sprog.”

“You named your child Sprog?”

“No, his name was Max, too. But we called him Sprog.”

Dag smiled a little and he smiled back, but it turned into a grimace. It was like a double-exposed film, in his head. The life they'd had together, and the horror and utter despair of that afternoon when he lost them. 

He stared out the window, even though it was too dark outside to see anything, except for the faint glow coming from the lit up window of someone else's trailer.

“He was three years old. We were at this ice-cream place. And the parking lot was on one side of the road, and the place was on the other. Jessie said she'd forgotten the blanket in the car, and they went back for it. She was walking backwards.”

She had been smiling, a flirty kind of smile. They were on holiday and they were both in a good mood. They'd had lazy days on the beach and they'd had lots of sex in the motel room at night. He remembered that smile so well, the underlying promise in it. He had smiled back. 

“A truck came out of nowhere, it happened so fast.”

He'd held them, and he knew they were dead but he didn't want to believe it. He got blood on his hands and his clothes and it was like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. 

He couldn't remember now if he'd ever really told anyone before. He had to tell the police when they showed up 'at the scene', but he wasn't sure he was coherent. There were other witnesses. Eventually the police came to the conclusion that the truck-driver hadn't been speeding, it was all just a very tragic accident. 

Word traveled fast and soon everybody he had ever met knew. He didn't have to speak about it, and he couldn't anyway.

He regretted talking about it now because the pain in his chest felt raw and close to the surface. 

Dag put her hand on his; that inadequate gesture, they were all of them inadequate, but she wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed. Her hand was thin and pale, her fingers slim, and it made his look blunt and weathered. 

“I wish I knew what to say, but I don't,” she said. “But you're still here.”

“I'm not anything.”

“You're still his dad, you'll always be his dad. And you'll always be Jessie's husband too. Because you loved them, and they loved you.”

Her words sounded hippieish and – he was startled when he realized it – they sounded a little bit like something Jessie would have said. 

He held her hand for a bit. The touch felt unfamiliar, like something he was unaccustomed to, but he did it anyway. Then he let go and put her hand back in her lap for her, as if he was returning something he had borrowed. She smiled a little at him.

“Anytime,” she said and he nodded, managed to smile a little back. “Do you want me to reheat your food for you?”

“I can do it.”


	6. Chapter 6

Max had a number of paid vacation days every year that he never used. That was probably why Fifi's eyebrows shot all the way up to his non-existent hairline when Max stopped by his office to ask for a few days off. 

Fifi had a pair of reading glasses on his nose, they looked incongruous on him, and he was doing paperwork by his desk. 

“Well,” he said. “It's late notice, and a lot of people want time off this time of year, but...” He glanced at Max. “I can't remember the last time you took any vacation, so I'll approve it.”

“Thanks.”

“Doing anything fun?”

“Um... babysitting.”

Dag had been offered more shifts at her place of work, in the week leading up to Christmas. She wanted to say yes, but was worried about who was going to watch Nanci. Daisy was going away to visit her son for the holidays and Valkyrie was going with her. Toast had her own work. 

Fifi laughed. “All right,” he said. “See you in the days before New Year's, then. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Max drove Dag to work the next morning, so he and Nanci could have the car for the day. Dag was in the backseat, because they'd gotten a safety seat for Nanci which was on the passenger side in the front. 

“I might be a little late,” she said as she got out of the car. “If there's a lot of people when we're supposed to close.”

“Okay.”

When he had dropped her off he didn't go back home. He'd planned to get her something for Christmas. He'd planned to get them both something, but then Dag had already involved him in the planning and buying of presents for Nanci. Co-conspirators. 

There was a shopping mall a few towns over and he drove there. Maybe because he felt too self-conscious about going shopping in town. He had no idea what to get her, though. 

He looked at Nanci, sitting in the safety seat.

“What does she want?” he asked. 

When they arrived at the mall parking lot he took the stroller out of the trunk but Nanci didn't want to go in it. Her wailing 'no no no' could probably be heard to the other side of town. In the end he carried her and pushed the stroller with one hand. She wasn't happy with that either, but he didn't want her to walk herself in the parking lot. Dag let her, in the parking lot outside the supermarket, albeit while holding her hand, but he always felt as if something cold was gripping his insides then. 

He tried to think of someplace to start looking for a present for Dag, but his mind was blank. He had never been to this mall before and didn't know his way around. He looked in the windows to different stores where various items were displayed, framed by twinkling Christmas decorations. He felt out of touch with it all, he hadn't done this for so many years. 

What did Dag like? She wasn't overly concerned with her appearance. She never wore any make up and a lot of times she seemed to forget to comb her hair. They were actually alike in that regard. He couldn't buy her clothes, because he didn't know her size. Maybe this was a stupid idea. He felt kind of stupid as he walked into a couple of different stores, not knowing what he was looking for. 

They had walked past a jeweler's store earlier and he had thought about it; most women liked jewelry, but it seemed too personal. Now they came upon another one, that also sold handbags and scarves and things, and he went inside. 

Nanci made grabby hands at the many colorful things the second they came in there, so he picked her up. There were a few other customers in the store, occupying the clerks, so he could have a look around by himself first. He felt rather alien in there. 

He knew Dag well enough to know that if he got her something too nice she'd feel embarrassed. He didn't want it to be misinterpreted either. They were friends, but jewelry could signal something else. Maybe he was over-thinking it all. He wanted her to get happy, that was a pretty simple notion. 

One of the clerks came up to him.

“Hi, can I help you?” She was older and her smile deepened the wrinkles around her eyes. Her make up and hair was flawless and made her look like an aging movie star.

“Yeah...”

“Are you looking for something in particular?”

“I don't know.”

She kept on smiling, it actually looked genuine. 

“Wife? Girlfriend?” she said.

“No, a friend.”

“All right.”

He couldn't remember if Dag had her ears pierced so that ruled out earrings. The clerk was helpful, took out different items for him to look at without any rush. He ended up buying a silver bracelet with a charm in the shape of a mayfly, because he remembered that Dag liked those. They'd seen one on a couple occasions during the summer and she had told him about it. 

“This is very pretty,” the clerk said. “And not as common as a heart or a star. Do you think this is the right size, or should I shorten the chain?”

It looked too big, Dag had slim wrists. “Shorten it a little.”

“Okay. You can always come back in, and we'll adjust it again, if necessary.”

He felt tired when he drove back home, and not too sure about his purchase. Nanci fell asleep in the car. Tomorrow they'd stay home. She wasn't a particularly wild kid, but all the same, taking her out was surprisingly tiring. 

They took it easy for a couple of hours and then he bundled her up in her coverall and everything again to go pick up Dag. They arrived a little early, but that was on purpose. The Christmas lights Dag had bought were lying on a shelf back home, and they needed an extension cord if they were going to put it up. She'd bought it, so he figured she wanted to. 

There were quite a lot of people in the store when he came in, with Nanci sitting on his arm. He walked along the shelves until he found what he was looking for. Outdoor use it said on the label. Dag was behind the counter, explaining something to a customer and Max went to stand in line. She looked up and saw him and smiled. He smiled back. 

“Hi!” she said when it was his turn and he walked up to the counter. 

Nanci wanted to climb over the counter. 

“Hi sweetie-pie,” Dag said and leaned forward and kissed her. “Mommy will be done here soon, and come home with you and Max. Did you have a good day?”

She looked at Max. 

“Yeah,” he said. “This is for the Christmas lights.”

He pushed the extension cord towards her. Nanci was not satisfied staying with him now that her mom was right there and she hadn't seen her all day. 

“Okay, this was a bad idea,” he said as she tried to wriggle free.

The hardware store was a family owned business. Max remembered old Mr Shaw from when he was a child and he'd come here with his parents. Mr Shaw was in the shop today, as well as his son Eric, who was a few years older than Max, and Eric's wife. 

It was Eric Shaw that came up to them, after he had turned the sign on the door from 'open' to 'closed'. He was a thin man, balding and he wore his reading glasses on a string around his neck, making him appear older than he was.

“So this is little Nanci,” he said and smiled. He looked at Max. “Hi.” 

“Hi.”

Eric made a gesture for Max to just let Nanci go to her mom, the expression on his face saying it didn't matter. Then one of the lingering customers called for his attention and he hurried off. He looked over his shoulder after a few steps.

“Good to see you Max,” he said and Max nodded in return.

“Do you know this is for outdoor use, sir?” Dag said and held up the cord when Max turned back to her. She smiled and he smiled back. 

They decided to put the lights up that same evening, after Nanci had fallen asleep, even though it was dark outside and not practical in the slightest. 

“Yeah, it looks really nice!” Dag said when the lights came on, red and green and yellow all along the railing around the landing and down the stairs. “What's that phrase, from the bible?”

Max had to think for a moment. “Let there be light?”

“Yeah, that's it.”

She smiled and he shook his head. 

**

Max woke up early on Christmas morning and he had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He'd spent the holidays in exactly the same way for many years now; he'd stayed in, watched a movie, done nothing special whatsoever. This year would be different and he was worried about how it would make him feel. 

They'd bought food and presents. He was doing it for them. Because Dag wanted Nanci to have these good childhood memories. Truth be told, Dag didn't seem to really know what she was doing either, but she was trying so he helped her. 

He was lying there on the couch, thinking, when Dag came out of the bedroom and put Nanci down on the floor. 

“Don't get up, I'll be back in two seconds,” she said when she saw that he was awake. Then she headed out. She had her boots on, but apart from that only jeans and a t-shirt, so he wondered what she was doing; it was freezing outside. 

She soon came back, carrying a cake and then he knew what it was about.

“Happy birthday,” she said, smiling.

He sat up and scratched a little at his jaw. “Thank you.”

So she had found out today was his birthday, and made a cake.

“I'm not gonna sing,” she said. 

“That's all right.”

Needless to say, he hadn't celebrated his birthday for a very long time. As a kid he had resented being born on Christmas Day, because he couldn't have friends over and that also meant fewer presents. Although, he was an only child, so his parents spoiled him a bit and he really didn't have any right to complain. 

“I know it looks kinda crappy, but it'll taste good, I hope. It's been in Toast's fridge since last night, so...”

She and Nanci had been over there yesterday for a bit. Baking, apparently. 

“How did you know?” he asked.

“I looked at your driver's license once when you weren't there.”

He smiled. “Okay.”

“We can save it for later? Have breakfast first?”

He nodded. “You didn't have to,” he said. “Thanks.”

“I kinda wish it had been forty, instead of forty-two, because then I would have put forty candles in it or maybe a fire-cracker.”

“I'm glad you didn't.”

Dag went to put the cake in the fridge and he got up, then they made breakfast.

“When is your birthday?” he asked.

“Don't worry, it's in May,” Dag replied. “Nanci's too.”

She looked at Nanci. 

“She doesn't know it's Christmas,” she said. “It's so weird.”

After they had eaten they gave Nanci her presents. She got excited, even if she had no idea what it was all about. Max felt strange, as if he was trying too hard, but it was nice too, watching her there on the floor, paper everywhere. 

He felt embarrassed, giving Dag her present. He couldn't help but to feel that he should have gotten her something else, although he wasn't sure what.

“Oh, wow,” she said when she opened it. “Thank you! It's really pretty. And a mayfly.” She smiled. 

He didn't know what to say. She put the chain around her wrist, fiddled a little with the clasp before she got it right. She held out her arm in front of her. 

“Thank you, Max, I really like it,” she said. “I got you something too. I'm kinda worried now that you won't like it, though. It's not as nice.” 

He felt even more awkward, opening his present. He could feel Dag's eyes on him. His hands felt clumsy, getting the paper unwrapped. She had bought him a couple of paperbacks and a long sleeve shirt, dark gray and judging by the tag on the inside of the neckband she'd had no problem guessing his size. 

“Thank you.”

“Do you like it?” she said.

“Yeah.”

“I would have gotten a button-front, it's a little nicer, but you don't wear them.”

“This is good.”

“Have you read those?”

“No.”

He looked at her. “I don't know how to do this,” he said. “I haven't done this in a long time.”

“You're doing fine.” 

“I like them, thank you.”

She smiled. 

“Maybe we could go out for a walk or something?” she said.

“Yeah.”

They went out, but ended up not leaving the trailer park. Nanci walked slowly and stopped to pick up twigs and stones from the ground, and she continuously tried to eat snow . 

“No,” Dag said. “It's dirty. Yuck.”

She put her hands in the pockets of her coat. In the pale winter sun her eyelashes looked almost translucent and Max stared at them for a moment. 

“When I was a kid I had to wait for Dad to wake up before I was allowed to open my presents,” she said. “He usually slept late, but not always, and Mom had to have his breakfast on the table when he got up. If it wasn't ready he got mad, and if it had gone cold he got mad. That was every day, not just on Christmas. But on Christmas he wanted to see when I opened my presents, and I got nice things, and he was so... I don't know, proud, I guess.”

She squinted a little. “Like it was about his accomplishment, that he'd bought me stuff, instead of me being happy about it. And I was so scared of him, I opened them and I said thank you. It was so weird, because one year I got these rackets, like tennis rackets but they're made completely of plastic?”

She looked a little questioningly at Max and he nodded, to show that he was listening and that he knew what she was talking about. 

“But I wasn't allowed to play with other kids. I wasn't allowed to go with them to this field where they used to play, or to their houses. I wasn't allowed to take anyone to our house either, not that anyone would have come. I was allowed to play in the front yard, and of course I was always by myself there, so who did he think I would play tennis with?”

Max didn't have a reply to that, and there wasn't one, except that Joe was crazy. Max looked at her, but she was watching Nanci. 

“Why did you come here looking for him?” he asked.

“I didn't have any money. I was so scared that they'd take her away from me, if I couldn't support her, and I didn't have a place to stay. I had been living with this boyfriend I had for a while, but he wasn't very kind to me. So I figured at least maybe Joe would help me. To make himself feel good about himself, if nothing else.”

She turned her gaze to Max. “I think maybe someone up there was looking out for me, when he wasn't here and I met you instead. Maybe my mom, if she's watching.” 

Max didn't really believe anyone was watching. The thought of his parents or Jessie seeing him right now only seemed forced. And maybe it was a good thing. He would have loved the idea of seeing them again some day, he wanted that more than anything else, but truth was he hadn't done a lot of things that he was proud of, that he would have wanted them to watch. Except maybe taking Dag and Nanci in. 

“If she is, you're making her proud,” he said. 

Dag looked a little shy, but she smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

A neighbor, an older lady who was a friend of Daisy's, gave Dag a children's bed. The frame was a little broken, but Dag said she could fix it. She also said she wasn't sure Nanci would want to sleep in it and she might have to wait until she got older.

Max hadn't saved any of Sprog's things. Nor any of Jessie's. Maybe that was wrong, but he'd been out of his mind with grief and unable to make any rational decisions. He hadn't been able to stay in the house or around anything that reminded him of them. He had a box with photographs and he'd put his wedding ring in there too. 

He was thinking about this now because the lady who'd given them the bed had told Dag that her son, who had once slept in that bed, had died in the war. Maybe she had saved the bed for a grandchild that would never be. 

Toast had taken Nanci out for a walk and the place seemed unusually silent. Max got started on dinner. 

“Can you make a little extra, in case Toast wants some dinner?” Dag said. “She deserves it after taking Nanci out.”

Max nodded and Dag disappeared into the bedroom, to fix the bed. 

A while later he heard her shout out. Then:

“Max!” 

She came running out from the bedroom with her hand over her mouth and blood was seeping through her fingers.

His insides turned icy cold. 

“Oh my god, I slipped... Max...”

“Let me see.”

He pulled her hand away. She was bleeding from her lip but also from the inside of her mouth it seemed. It was really difficult to see, with the blood running down her chin. 

He got her into the bathroom and made her sit down on the toilet. 

“I slipped with the hammer, I think I knocked my teeth out.” Her speech was slurred. 

He grabbed a towel and started wiping her face. Her upper lip was swelling rapidly. 

“My teeth...” Her eyes were big and scared and she was crying. 

“I can't see.”

If she needed stitches he had to get her to the hospital. But as he soaked up the blood with the towel, the bleeding seemed to ease up. 

She was breathing fast and jerkily, tears running down her face. A small chip was missing from one of her front teeth, but when he touched them, none of them were loose. 

“You didn't knock your teeth out,” he said. “Don't swallow the blood, it'll make you sick. Spit it out.” 

She turned around and spat in the washbowl. Her lip was split, but it was bleeding much less already. She was all right.

“You're all right,” he said. He took a clean towel and wet it and wiped her face more carefully. She was still crying. 

Max was trying to take deep breaths. She'd scared the life out of him. 

“We should put some ice on your lip,” he said when her face was clean. “Come on.”

He grabbed her shoulders to steady her, but when she stood up she put her arms around his neck and hugged him. He could feel her gingerly putting her chin on his shoulder. It took him a second, then he hugged her back. 

“You're all right,” he said. “You're gonna be fine.”

She was surprisingly strong, her arms holding on tight. He could feel her breathing, could feel the softness of her breasts pressed against his chest. They stood like that for a while. Then she let go and leaned over and spat in the washbowl again. She looked in the mirror.

“Oh my god...” She slurred her words. She leaned her head back a bit, to look at her teeth, not able to lift her swollen upper lip.

Max thought maybe he should have warned her that a piece of her tooth was missing, but it was too late now. She had already seen it.

“It's only a little chip,” he said. 

“Yeah... I thought they were all gone.”

“Ice.”

They moved out to the kitchen and she sat down on a kitchen chair while he took some ice from the freezer and wrapped it in a towel.

“Just hold it there for a little while,” he said as he handed it to her.

The dinner had miraculously not burned, thanks to it being a stew and he had already turned the heat down.

Dag's eyes were red-rimmed from crying and she looked sad. 

When Toast got back with Nanci she bucked up, got up on her feet and stowed away the tiredness that had been there only moments ago.

“Jesus,” Toast said. “That better not have been you.”

Her gaze went to Max. He felt absolutely horrible in that moment, wronged and angry and embarrassed, all at the same time.

“No!” Dag said. “Jesus Christ, Toast, no!”

She looked at Max, her eyes apologetic. She told Toast what had happened. Still, Max felt rather relieved when Toast didn't want any dinner and left soon after. 

“I'm so sorry she accused you,” Dag said later, when Nanci was asleep and they were sitting in front of the TV. “I don't know why she did that.” 

“You don't have to apologize.” 

The whole thing made him uncomfortable, though, and he thought about it the next day. Dag was going to work and he wondered if other people would think the same thing. 

She looked tired again. “I can't speak properly,” she said sitting at the breakfast table. “And it hurts and I have a headache. Maybe I should call in sick? I can't go to work looking like this, I'm gonna call in sick.” 

She didn't look like herself, the lower half of her face distorted. She walked over to the phone and Max heard her tell them she had hurt herself, accidentally hit herself in the face with a hammer and she needed to rest for a day. It seemed to go smoothly. 

Max had to go to work, though. 

“You'll be all right here?” he asked.

“Yeah, we're just gonna watch TV.”

“Okay.”

When he got home that evening Dag was asleep on the couch and Nanci had used her crayons all over the floor. She looked happy enough, if a little colorful. 

“Come on,” Max said. “Let's get you cleaned up.”

He picked her up and took her to the bathroom. He showered her and she pointed at her feet.

“Look.”

“Yeah, I know, you colored your feet.”

He gave her a clean diaper and clean clothes. Then he brought her back out to the living room.

“Dag,” he said and gently shook her shoulder.

She looked dazed for a few seconds. “Oh my god,” she said when she sat up and saw the mess. Then she started crying. “I'm sorry.”

Nanci scrunched up her face too. 

“I'm just so tired,” Dag said, sobbing. “I'm tired and I'm scared you're gonna get sick of us and kick us out.”

“No, no...” Max said.

Nanci was crying and Dag was crying. Dag held out her arms to take her. Max felt lost. He sat down next to her. 

“I won't,” he said. 

“Sooner or later you will.”

He shook his head. He didn't want them to leave. Not even right now.

“I want you to stay,” he said.

He looked at Dag. He didn't think she still thought like that, that she worried about that. She was hugging Nanci. 

“You're my best friend,” he said. 

“But we cause you so much trouble, I cause you so much trouble, and you pay for most of the food, and everything.”

“But before you came here I was alone.”

She looked at him. 

“I don't wanna be that alone again,” he said.

She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. 

“You're so amazing. I'm sorry I'm such a mess.”

“Don't apologize. You're just tired.”

She took a deep breath.

“I'm gonna clean up here,” she said. 

“No, I'll do it. You rest.”

He picked up the crayons and vacuumed and mopped the floor. It wasn't exactly fun, but it was better than the alternative. He wouldn't trade it for the lonely existence he'd had. Dag was right, sooner or later he would probably have to, but it would be because she wanted to leave. 

When he was done cleaning the place he reheated yesterday's leftovers and then he sat down in the couch as well. He felt tired now too. Dag took his hand. Nanci was sitting on her lap. 

Part of him wanted to withdraw his hand, but she just held it, leaning her head against the backrest and watching the TV through half-lidded eyes. 

**

Max saw the motorcycles on his way home from work. They were parked outside Kelly's Bar, three of them in a neat row. The snow had begun to melt, but it was still too early for vacations, or for old-timers taking their bikes out for a spin. 

Of course, there were a lot of bikes in the world and it was a long time ago, but he still thought that the one parked furthest to the left looked familiar. He had already driven past when he changed his mind and made a U-turn. He needed to know.

He parked the car and got out. As he got closer he felt even more certain. That bike did look familiar. He threw a glance at the door to the bar. He could walk in there and make sure. Did it even matter if he was seen? 

For some reason, perhaps some excessive sense of caution, he decided against it and went around to the back. The back door wasn't locked and it was easy to slip inside. He walked past the door to the bathrooms and peeked into the bar itself. It only took one glance. He recognized Joe right away, despite the years that had passed. The other two didn't look familiar, they were younger guys. 

As he drove back home he thought about how he was going to tell Dag, what he was going to say. It could be a coincidence, they were just passing through, but it seemed unlikely. Joe was here to see her, or Max, for whatever reason. 

Dag was making dinner when he got home. The radio was on and she was bobbing her head in time with the music. 

“Joe is in town,” he said when they had sat down to eat. Not the smoothest way to tell her, perhaps. He wasn't sure how she was going to react.

She looked up from her food.

“You've seen him?”

Max nodded. “I didn't speak to him, but I saw him.”

“Why is he here?”

“I don't know.”

Dag looked as if she was thinking for a minute.

“It's probably just coincidence,” she said then. “He's never bothered to come find me before.”

Max wasn't so sure. 

**

As it turned out, Max was right. Joe showed up at the trailer park just a few days later. Max heard the bike, just the one, and went over to the door. He was home alone with Nanci, since Dag was working a Saturday shift at the store. 

He watched Joe get off his bike. He'd gotten fatter and his hair had gotten whiter. He stopped just below the stairs and looked up at Max where he stood in the doorway. His eyes seemed as cunning as they always had. 

“Max,” he said and Max nodded in response. “Long time no see.”

Max didn't say anything and Joe didn't say anything either. Then Nanci stuck her head out the door by Max's knees. 

Joe smiled. “So it's true what I've heard,” he said. “You and Dag spawned a little one.”

Max wasn't particularly interested in correcting him. He didn't care if he was misinformed, unless that was what had drawn him here. Some sort of misplaced idea about a father's duty to protect his daughter.

“She's not mine,” Max said. 

“No?” Joe raised his eyebrows. “So she went and got herself knocked up by someone else.”

Max was silent. 

“You're not gonna ask me in?” Joe said. “We're old friends, after all.”

Max didn't reply. He stopped Nanci when she tried to get out.

“I've got a proposition for you,” Joe said, pointed at him and smiled a little again. 

“Not interested.”

Joe just stood there for a few more moments, then he turned to walk away.

“Tell Dag I said hi,” he said. 

Max didn't like it, none of it. He told Dag about Joe's visit when he picked her up after work. 

“What did he say?” she asked. 

“Said he had a proposition for me, I told him I'm not interested. He thought Nanci was mine and I told him she wasn't.”

Dag was silent, all through dinner that evening. 

“You know why my mom finally left him?” she said later. 

Max shook his head.

“Think about it for a minute, you do know,” she said.

He didn't have to think about it for a full minute; Joe was deranged enough to view his own daughter that way. Max looked at Dag. He felt a whole new level of loathing for Joe, something akin to hatred. 

“Mom noticed how he was looking at me,” Dag said, picking at the edge of the table. “And she got me out of there, before he did anything.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“You went looking for him,” Max said then.

“I know. I was out of my mind, I was desperate.”

She met Max's gaze. “We can't let him get close. I don't want him around Nanci.”

Mad nodded. “We won't.”


	8. Chapter 8

Joe wasn't so easily deterred, though. He was waiting in the parking lot outside the mill after one of Max's shifts, he and the two other guys. They looked painfully young, both of them. They were sitting casually on their bikes. Max stopped in front of them and looked at Joe.

“You haven't heard my proposition,” Joe said. “It's a good one.”

Max thought it over for a moment. Maybe if he heard him out and then declined, Joe would lose interest, leave them alone. 

“Fine,” he said. “I'll drive after you.”

They drove to Kelly's Bar. It was the sleaziest place in town, after all. The bar was dimly lit and smelled of stale beer and peanuts. There were just a few other patrons. Max sat down opposite Joe by one table, while the other two got another one close by. 

The waitress, Moira her name was, came up to them. 

“Two whiskeys,” Joe said, and named a fairly pricy one.

“None for me,” Max said.

“Are you sure? It's as good for you as mother's milk,” Joe said. 

Max didn't bother to repeat himself. Right now, he wasn't even tempted. Joe gazed out the window.

“That's some nice wheels you've got,” he said. “Is it the same one?”

“What was it you wanted to talk about?”

Joe turned his eyes to him. He had to be sixty, maybe more, but he still radiated that same strength, that clever assuredness that gave him the power to make people do things for him. He paid them, sure, but he put the fear of God in them too.

Max was never afraid of him, but part of that was that he didn't care if he lived or died. He had respect for him, because not having it would be a mistake.

“Like I said, I have a proposition for you.”

“Why me, why now?”

“Why not you, why not now? You've proven yourself, in the past, to be a very resourceful asset.”

Flattery would get him nowhere, and he probably sensed it.

“I've got a shipment,” he said, leaning forwards a little and putting his elbows on the table. Beneath the cuffs of his leather jacket flaky skin was visible. “And I need someone to move it across the border.”

“You've already got guys for that.”

“But this is a big one. It needs to be coordinated. I need someone with brains to lead it, make sure it runs smoothly.”

Max shook his head.

“I'm done with that,” he said.

“You would be compensated accordingly, of course,” Joe said. 

“I've already told you, I'm not interested.”

Joe's expression turned sour. 

“You think because you stick your cock into my daughter, that gives you some kind of special privilege?” he said. 

Max turned his eyes to him, met his gaze, while something black seemed to spread inside. 

“Sweet, is she?” Joe said. “Do you fuck her in every hole? Or do you keep to the backdoor, so she won't get fat?”

Max had a temper, he just controlled it most of the time. He rarely found reason to get worked up anymore. Being sober helped. 

But he lost it then. He lunged over the table, and he hit Joe with his fist, before the other two were on him and pulled him back.

Joe dragged a hand across his mouth; it came away bloody. His two goons had Max by the arms.

“Let him go,” Joe said. He looked up at Max, his eyes dark. “You have something of mine. I expect to get paid.”

They marched Max to the door and pushed him outside. 

He tried to calm down in the car, tried to think. His knuckles hurt, but that was good because it distracted him from the intense disgust he felt towards Joe. 

He didn't want to tell Dag about what had happened, but he was late and he could see on her face the minute he stepped through the door that she had been worried. 

“Did you see him?”

He nodded.

“What does he want?!” 

“He wants me to do a job for him.”

“But why?”

“He thinks I owe him.”

“For what?”

Max met her gaze. 

“For me?” she said. “Jesus...” The corners of her mouth turned downwards. “I don't get it, he didn't come looking for me before.”

“I think maybe it's because he knows me. He thinks we're together. I didn't tell him we weren't, maybe I should have.”

“No, don't tell him that.” She put her hand against her face for a second. “What did you do for him, before?”

“I ran things across the border, mostly.” He regretted ever getting involved with Joe and his business. His only defense was that his entire life had spiraled out of control and his self-destruction knew no limits. 

Dag was watching him.

“I've never seen you with your shirt off...” she said. “Do you have the tattoo?” She walked up to him, made a move to walk past him and lift up his shirt, but he moved out of the way. 

They looked at each other. 

“You knew that when you came here,” Max said then. “That's why you knew me at all, because I used to work with him.”

“I know.” 

He didn't remember getting the tattoo. He'd been drunk and strung out on God knew what else. In fact, he didn't even remember agreeing to getting the tattoo in the first place, but he couldn't say for sure that he hadn't. He remembered waking up and his entire back burned as if ants had chewed on it for a whole day and he felt feverish and sick.

He only knew that now it made him feel branded. The only consolation was that it was on his back, so he didn't have to see it. It took him a while, but eventually he went and got himself tested for HIV and hepatitis. He had neither. 

“Fuck...” Dag said. She looked as if she was about to start crying. Nanci was being fretful, clinging to her legs. She had to be aware of the tension, even if she couldn't understand what was going on. Dag picked her up. 

“Can you go to Valkyrie's?” Max said. Toast was right next door, that was too close. Valkyrie lived on the other side of the trailer park. It was still too close but she was the one furthest away that he could think of that would take them in. 

“And leave you here? Are you nuts?” Dag said. 

Joe was insane. He wouldn't give up. Max considered doing the job, but it wouldn't end there. Joe would say he owed him more, said he owed him for every minute he spent with Dag. And there were no guarantees he would leave Dag and Nanci alone, no matter what Max did. 

“What are we gonna do?” Dag said. “He won't go away.”

She wiped away tears from the corners of her eyes.

Max thought about it then; he could kill him. He could do it for her, and for Nanci. 

“I could get rid of him.”

Dag looked at him and he looked back.

“No,” she said. “I don't want you to do that.”

“I don't know what else to do.”

Dag shook her head. 

**

It was a little past ten when they knocked on Valkyrie's door. If she was surprised to get unexpected guests, this late at that, she didn't show it. 

“Promise you won't go home by yourself later,” Dag said to Max.

“I won't.”

He thought she and Nanci would be safe here. Joe was unlikely to search every trailer in the lot, should he decide to come looking. 

“There's room for you too,” Valkyrie said. 

Max nodded and then he got back in the car. 

The streets were mostly deserted at this hour. Not much around here was open late, especially not on a weekday. He saw a couple walking their dog and a group of teenagers on skateboards. 

The residential area he drove to had a sleepy stillness about it. The only cars he saw were parked neatly on driveways outside two-story houses surrounded by hedges or picket-fences. There were swing-sets and paved patios in several of the gardens he drove by, and in the faint light coming from outdoor fixtures they looked eerily abandoned. 

The lights were on in the house he stopped outside of. He turned off the engine and looked up at it through the windshield. He couldn't see anyone in either the upstairs or the downstairs windows. A porch ran along the front of the house and there was a double garage to one side. 

He got out and the sound when he closed the car door broke the silence, but nothing stirred. He walked up to the front porch and knocked on the door. There was a doorbell, but he knocked anyway. He felt awkward just being there.

Furiosa got a look of surprise on her face when she opened the door and saw him; and something else, alarm maybe.

“What are you doing here?”

“I need to speak with you. Preferably not at the station.”

She met his gaze, then she nodded and stepped to the side, letting him in. It was a nice house. Comfortable looking. There were framed pictures on the wall and even more pictures were stuck in the frame of a large mirror. 

Two girls were in the sitting room, lounging in front of the TV. Max recognized the eldest, Capable, and the other one had to be Cheedo.

“The two of you, upstairs,” Furiosa said. 

The girls looked curiously at Max and he felt stared at. Furiosa led the way into a kitchen. He remembered that she'd said she was renovating her house, and this looked new, the cupboards and the shiny counter. 

She made a gesture that they should sit down. The kitchen table had room for six people, but half of the table top was cluttered up with piles of newspapers, a couple of potted plants and other items. 

Max found it difficult to know where to begin. He could feel Furiosa's gaze on him and he felt so out of place here. But he knew he had to, so he told her, about Joe, about how he knew him and what Dag's connection to him was. He could tell by the somewhat shocked look on Furiosa's face that she'd had no idea he had been doing those things. He'd had the good fortune of never getting caught, it was as simple as that. 

“Jesus Christ, Max, how could you be such a fool?” she said. “To get involved in that?”

He felt foolish, not so much because of his criminal past, but because of the way it came back to haunt him now. Of course, had he never worked with Joe he never would have met Dag either. 

“It doesn't matter,” he said. “Dag didn't have a choice, he's her father.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

Furiosa had a serious look on her face. He'd seen it before, it was the sheriff-look.

“Has he made any concrete threats, either to you or Dag?” she asked. 

“Not as such.”

“You could always apply for a restraining order...”

Max shook his head.

“It wouldn't work,” he said. 

It was difficult to explain what Joe was like. You had to know him to see it, see the conceited craziness. Max struggled to find the words.

“He thinks of Dag as his property,” he said. 

Furiosa was looking at him. 

“So... the principal point here is that he doesn't want her to be with you?”

She still thought Dag was his girlfriend, and he didn't bother to correct her. Explaining his and Dag's friendship, and how it came about, wasn't important. They needed Furiosa's help to deal with Joe and that was why he was here. 

“He expects me to pay him.”

He'd already told her about Joe's so called job offer.

“To charge him for procuring would be close to impossible, unless you actually paid him,” Furiosa said. “And that would implicate you and Dag as well.”

The whole affair made Max feel dirty, all because of Joe's twisted mind. 

“I don't plan to,” he said.

Furiosa made an expression as if to say that was a wise decision. 

“He will hurt her,” he said. 

It made him feel disloyal, sitting there in Furiosa's nice and comfortable kitchen and talk about Dag, about what she had been through. But he had to make Furiosa understand that Joe was an actual threat.

“He's sick,” he said. “He has no moral compass.”

“You want to talk about moral compass? What about the shit you brought across the border? What were you thinking?”

She had a look on her face that was a mixture of outrage and disbelief. It was the expression he'd always imagined she had when looking at him, but he realized now it hadn't been there, until now. 

He turned his gaze away. Sitting there he felt aware of the tattoo covering his back, of how it marked him as someone who didn't belong here, in this kitchen, in this house. He thought about that time when Dag had said to him that he was a good person, back when she had recently arrived. It felt as if she really thought that, and he didn't want to let her down.

“Is there anything you can do?” he said. 

Furiosa sighed. 

“I can't arrest anyone because of what they might do,” she said. “I understand that he's a dangerous person, and I understand what kind of man he is, but Dag is an adult, I can't call the social services because he is unfit as a parent.”

She took another deep breath.

“I could run him out of town, the wild west style, he's unlikely to sue me,” she said. “But who can say he won't be back next week, or the week after that? I only have so many deputies.”

It was silent for a few seconds. Max thought about how there was a gap as wide as an ocean between this place, with its orderly homes and proper families in neat rows on quiet streets, and the world where there were people like Joe. 

“I'll call the Sheriff in the town Joe operates out of,” Furiosa said. “I'll hear what they have and if they're unaware of it all they'll learn where and what to look for. And I'll keep an eye on him as long as he's here, but without anything to charge him with, there's not much I can do. I'm sorry.”

Max nodded a little. Disappointment sat in his chest and he wanted to get out of there. Furiosa walked him to the door. He felt stupid. He didn't know what he had been hoping for, help of some kind, but he knew the limitations of the office she held. There were no other favors to cash in and he'd used up what little might have been left of the latitude that came with a shared past by coming here, rather than going to the station. 

“Max,” she said as he stepped down from the porch, and he turned his head. “I really am sorry, and I really wish there was something I could do.”

She seemed less like the Sheriff just then, and more like the woman he used to know. 

“Yeah,” he said and nodded.

He didn't drive back to the trailer park. He'd promised Dag he wouldn't go home, so he didn't, but Valkyrie's trailer was the exact same model he had, so he knew how cramped it would be in there. He drove around for a while, thinking. 

He thought of Dag and Nanci, hiding at the other end of the trailer park. It was as inadequate as it was unfair. He thought about what options they had, appallingly few as they were. Go someplace else, some other town. Joe was likely to find them again if he was determined to, and he was a singled-minded person. Hope that Joe would get busted by the sheriffs in his home town. That might never happen. 

He came back to the only thing he knew would solve the problem for certain. But if he killed him now, after the conversation he'd just had with Furiosa, chances were he would end up getting arrested for it. Premeditated murder, he'd go away for life. As much as he didn't want that, what else could he do? He didn't want anything to happen to Dag and Nanci. 

He parked in a remote spot out by the nature preserve. He'd spent the night in his car before. Out here the darkness seemed impenetrable. He'd parked out here with a girl once, when he was in high school. His first time, hers too. He'd had no idea back then, would never even have imagined, that his life would turn out this way. He supposed no one ever did. 

He wondered if he and Jessie would have ended up in a house like Furiosa's one day, but it was difficult to imagine. They'd had a house, just outside of town. They were in their early twenties when they moved in and Jessie put up lots of colorful textile fabrics everywhere, they had a poster of Jimi Hendrix above the couch and these big, green plants by the wide windows. She had a bit of a hippieish streak. They probably would have stayed there. It was big enough when Sprog arrived, and they would have had room for one or two more. 

He wanted that life. He wanted to have remained that person. He thought about what Dag had said, 'You're still his dad, you'll always be his dad'. On one hand it felt good to think about it that way, because then in a way his beautiful boy was still here, in his heart and in his mind. But on the other hand it made him feel useless, because his son didn't need him anymore. That was the single most important thing in his life, being his dad, and he failed.


	9. Chapter 9

Max woke up with a start. The nightmare lingered for a moment in the confinement of the car. He needed to pee so he got out. He was cold and tired and felt as if he hadn't slept at all. There was a cover of thick, white mist between the trees. Apart from a few early birds it was silent.

He wanted to check on Dag and Nanci so as soon as he had zipped up he got back in the car. When he got to the trailer park he parked outside his own place. It looked undisturbed and he hadn't seen any signs of either bikes or people skulking in the shadows. No one were awake yet and there were no movements at all. He walked over to Valkyrie's place.

It was Dag who opened the door, at first only a sliver and then fully when she saw it was him. 

“Where did you go?” she said in a whispering voice.

She was in a t-shirt and panties. Nanci was sleeping in a pull-out sofa bed that Dag seemed to have just got up from too. 

“What did she say?” Dag asked, still whispering.

“She can't do much,” he replied. “She doesn't have anything on him...”

Dag made a frustrated face. Valkyrie came out of the bedroom just then.

“Morning,” she said, her dark hair was messy and the lines around her eyes a little deeper than usual. She started making coffee.

“Maybe I can do the job he wants me to do,” Max said. “Buy us some time.”

“No,” Dag said. “He'll just pull you in deeper and then you'll never get out.”

Max looked at her and held her gaze. She shook her head. 

“Take whatever you want from the fridge,” Valkyrie said. “No luck, I take it?” She looked at Max. Presumably Dag had filled her in yesterday.

“No,” he said. 

“Can't arrest someone for being a creep?” she said. 

“Yeah.”

And that was the problem. It didn't matter that Max knew that Joe would do something sooner or later. He'd come after Dag, because that was the way he was. And he'd come after Max, not because he wanted him to work for him, but because in his mind Max had stolen his daughter. 

Max felt guilty. Joe had left her alone, ever since her mother died, until now. 

Dag pulled on a pair of jeans. “Maybe I can talk to him,” she said. 

“Can you really talk to a man like that?” Valkyrie said. 

Dag looked as if she didn't believe it herself either. 

There was a curt knock and then the door opened. Daisy stepped inside.

“So this is where the party is,” she said. “Anyone care to fill me in, explain what's going on?”

She didn't look surprised to find them there. Eyes like a hawk, that old lady. 

They sat down for breakfast. Nanci woke up too, and when she had roused herself she wanted to sit with Max. 

“I have to get to work,” Valkyrie said. “You're welcome to stay here as long as you need. But as far as hide-outs go, it's not an ideal one, as I think everyone is already aware.”

Max should get to work as well, but he was reluctant to do so. 

“Us three girls can hang out today,” Daisy said. 

Max looked at Dag and she nodded. She was scratching at her elbow, the eczema going down her forearm now. 

“We'll go out and get you something for that,” Daisy said and nodded towards her arm.

“I had a prescription, before,” Dag said, looking down at it herself. “It's the stress, it makes it worse. And no sun.”

“There are other salves and lotions you can try, that you don't need a prescription to get.”

The trailer park looked exactly like its usual self when Max left again a little later. A few people were leaving for work. A couple of kids were walking towards the exit, toting backpacks that looked oversized on their small shoulders. The school bus stopped just a stone's throw down the road. 

Max went back to his trailer to pick up a change of clothes and then he drove to work. It was difficult to focus on the job that day. His thoughts went round and round and round in circles. He worried about Dag and Nanci. 

When his shift was over he took a shower in the locker room. Few people ever did and he had the place to himself. The shower room had been tiled a long time ago, and the mint green color that had probably been stylish once, now only made the place look like an institution. 

Everything looked the same when he got back from work and he didn't see anybody. It was impossible to know what kind of timetable Joe's mind was on, but he wasn't a very patient man. 

They had dinner at Valkyrie's place. They talked, but didn't come up with any new ideas. Their only option, bar violence and probably murder, was to run. Dag looked unhappy, Max thought. 

Valkyrie went out after dinner. She had two jobs, working extra at a bar in the next town a couple of nights a month. Max and Dag and Nanci sat down in front of the TV.

“I feel like this is all my fault,” Dag said. 

“It isn't.”

“But I still feel that way.”

“Did you find something for the rash?” 

Dag straightened her arms and inspected her skin.

“Yeah,” she said. “I bought two different kinds. I'll have to wait and see if they help.”

They saw a cop car through the window, going down the street, then up the next one. They were cruising slowly, on the lookout for any signs of trouble and letting their presence be known. Furiosa's doing most likely. 

“God I hate this,” Dag said. “I just want to go home.”

Max nodded. He wanted to go home too. When it was time to put Nanci to bed they pulled out the sofa-bed. 

“Do you mind sharing with us?” Dag asked. “We could probably share with Valkyrie otherwise. I don't think she would mind.”

Either option would feel strange, sleeping in the same bed as Dag and Nanci, or having the sofa-bed to himself while he made the other three share. 

“Where did you go last night?” Dag asked. 

“The car.”

“Oh. I can share with Valkyrie.”

“No, it's all right.”

“Are you sure? I don't want you sleeping in the car.”

“It's okay, we can share.”

“I already know you snore,” Dag said and smiled. “I can hear you all the way down to the bedroom.”

“You snore too,” he said.

“No, I don't.”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Really?”

He smiled and she smiled back. He couldn't hear it out to where he was on the couch, but a lot of nights he got up, woken by a bad dream or restless sleep, and he went to get himself a glass of water or went to the bathroom. Truth was he often walked over to the bedroom door on those nights, just to listen and hear that they were all right in there. But he didn't tell her that, he knew that was weird.

He lay awake for a long time that night, unused to the closeness of two other, sleeping people, aware of the strange intimacy of it, even though they'd lived under the same roof for so long. Nanci was making smacking noises, as if she was dreaming about eating. She was in the middle of the bed and he could feel the heat radiating off her, as if she was a small stove. 

“Max, Dag, wake up.”

He woke up to see Valkyrie shaking Dag's shoulder. 

“Your trailer is on fire.” 

The orange light could be seen all the way over here and the fire trucks arrived as they ran, in vain, across the park. 

The trailer was all in flames. The entire neighborhood had roused and people stood there, watching, as the firemen doused it in water. The smell was acrid and the heat was overwhelming. 

“Oh my god,” Dag said. “All our stuff... And my money is in there...”

She had kept what she saved in a jar in the bedroom. Max had a bank account and he had enough to get them both by for a little while, but all he was thinking about were the photographs. Every single picture he had of Jessie and Sprog. 

The sheriffs showed up, and an ambulance. The deputies told people to back off, give the firemen room to do their job. Their faces were lit up by the fire and the lights from the emergency vehicles. Toast stood nearby, a coat over her nightgown. 

Furiosa came walking up to them. 

“Are you hurt?” she asked. “Lets have the ambulance people have a look at you.”

“We weren't in there,” Dag said. 

The flames were slowly succumbing to the water. Dag put her hand over her mouth. She was crying.

“Oh my god...” she said again. 

“We won't know what caused the fire, until the firemen have been able to conduct their analysis,” Furiosa said, glancing back at it.

“It was my dad,” Dag said, lowering her hand again. “I know it was. Or his guys.”

Furiosa nodded a little. “I'll pick them up for questioning,” she said. “Given what you've already told me, it needs to be looked into. Do you know the names of anyone he's with?”

Dag shook her head.

“One of them is called Slit,” Max said. He'd heard the other one call him that when they were in Kelly's Bar. 

“All right,” Furiosa said, writing it down in her notebook. 

It won't lead to anything, Max thought. There will be no witnesses, nothing that can prove who did it. Furiosa was looking at him. 

“Do you have anywhere you can stay?” she said and he could hear it in her tone of voice that she was about to offer them to come back with her. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

“I'll keep you informed,” she said. “I'm very sorry.”

“We fucking told you!” Dag spat. “Max told you, and you didn't do anything!”

Furiosa looked at her and there was a pained expression in her eyes, but she didn't say anything else. People took out their frustration on officers of the law all the time, maybe she knew better than to try to offer some meaningless sympathy. 

She walked away and Toast came up to them and gave Dag a hug.

“Thank god you weren't in there,” she said. “It happened so fast.”

“Did you see anyone?” Max asked her.

“No.” She shook her head. “When I woke up it was already aflame.”

“Let's not stand here and look at it,” Daisy said. “Not a lot of good that'll do.”

“Let me know if you need anything,” Toast said.

They walked back to Valkyrie's trailer. Dag was crying. Max felt hollowed out, and underneath that he felt a black, burning rage. He was going to kill Joe now. 

When they got inside Valkyrie made tea that nobody wanted and then she went into the bedroom, leaving them alone.

“I'm so sorry,” Dag said.

“Stop apologizing!”

“What the hell else am I supposed to do?”

“I don't wanna hear it!”

“I don't care if you don't wanna hear it!”

He couldn't take this. He wanted Dag to stop crying. 

“All our things, Max...”

Nanci started crying too. He closed his eyes for a second, then sat down next to them and lifted Nanci over to his own lap.

“You need to stop crying, or she won't stop,” he said.

Dag nodded, and she wiped her face, and she did stop crying.

“It won't help that the Sheriff questions them,” she said. “They'll never be able to prove it was them.”

“I know.”

“I feel so useless. So powerless. I hate that.”

He knew exactly what she meant. He felt the same way.

“Let's try to get some sleep,” he said.

They went back to bed, but neither one of them could sleep, except for Nanci, who slept soundly close to Max's chest. She felt like a small anchor, lying next to him. At least they were safe. The thought that they could have been sleeping in the trailer when it went up in flames chilled him to the bone, made him feel sick. 

Most likely Joe, or his goons, knew the trailer were empty. They would have checked that first. Joe didn't want to kill them, he wanted to scare them. Well, he probably wanted to kill Max, and would do so eventually. Then he'd take Dag, and he'd rape her. He'd lock her up the way he did her mother. Maybe he wasn't planning it that way, but that's where it would end up anyway. 

Max looked over at Dag. It was hard to see in the darkness, but she looked to be awake.

“I'm scared,” she said. 

“Give me your hand.”

There was a rustle of sheets, then her hand found his. He held her hand and they lay like that until morning.


	10. Chapter 10

In the harsh daylight the next morning it almost looked worse. There was nothing left of the trailer, except for a black, burnt out shell. You could see straight through it. Max felt the loss of the photographs. It hurt bad and the thought that he might not remember their faces one day filled him with such dread. 

Some people stood gawking, but kept their distance, except for a little guy, perhaps five or six years old. He tried to walk under the 'do-not-cross' tape that either the sheriffs or the fire department had put up, and Dag caught him by the back of his jacket. 

“Don't go in there, it could be dangerous,” she said.

“Why?” he said.

Daisy had come walking over from her lot.

“Something might fall down and hit you on the head, and then bang, you're as flat as a pancake,” she said.

He looked at her with a hesitant expression on his face before he scurried off. 

The owner of the land and the trailers also showed up. People called him Captain, although as far as Max knew, he had never been Captain of anything. He was a tall, skinny man with a long face and slightly protruding eyes. A little unusually perhaps, he also lived in the park.

“It's a damn shame,” he said. “Good thing no human being was hurt, of course. Or cat or dog, or some other pet.”

“You got any empty trailers?” Max asked.

“Well... There are a lot of things for me to consider, a trailer has burnt down...”

“Do you have a trailer or not?”

“One.”

“We'll take it.”

“But...”

“You're insured.”

Max stepped under the tape and had a look around. There was nothing left, just blackened, twisted skeletons of what used to be their belongings They must have drenched the place in gasoline, he thought. Now it was dripping wet from the fire-hoses, and sooty. It smelled horrible.

He had never thought of himself as very fond of the place, but it had been his home for a long time, and for some time now it had actually felt like one. He couldn't stand looking at it and went back out again. The firemen had managed to keep the fire from spreading, but the outer wall of Toast's trailer was black from soot.

“You're gonna leave this family, with this little one, to live on the streets?” Daisy was saying to Captain. 

“No, no. But I need to wait for the fire department's report. For all I know, they burned it down themselves!”

“We didn't!” Dag said.

Captain spotted Max. 

“I'm not saying you did,” he quickly added. “I'm just saying you might have, I don't know that.”

“Show us the other trailer.”

Captain sighed. “All right.”

The available trailer was a couple of streets over. It was a pale yellow single wide, placed with the short side facing the street. A paved passage ran between the front of the trailer and a line of trees that marked the boundary to the next lot. 

Captain took a set of keys from his coat pocket and sifted through them until he found the right one. The front door led straight into a living room that opened up to a kitchen on the left. There were two bedrooms, one at each end of the trailer, and the bathroom was between the kitchen and the room that Captain called the master bedroom. 

“Look,” he said, gesturing to the wall opposite the bathroom door. “Your own washing machine and tumble drier.”

The place was worn, the furniture old and unfashionable, but there didn't seem to be any major problems with it. Captain took pretty good care of the park. The sign he had put up in front of his own trailer said 'Owner & Caretaker'. 

“Why hasn't it been rented?” Max asked, even though he knew they didn't have the luxury of being picky.

“Well... I guess there just haven't been any interested parties,” Captain said. “A lot of people nowadays don't like brown.” He made a gesture towards the kitchen floor and cupboards. “But you haven't seen the best part yet.”

He tried opening the back door, which was in the kitchen, but it wouldn't budge.

“I need to put some oil on that,” he said. “Don't worry, I'll fix it. Come on, this way.”

For all his hesitance before, he was very enthusiastic now, as if he had forgotten all about the burned down trailer. They followed him out the front door and around to the back.

“The garden,” he said and smiled.

It was bigger than the one they'd had before, which had been only slightly larger than the size of the trailer itself. The lawn was yellow after the winter, and the grass looked like it hadn't been cut once last summer, but it was surrounded by trees, giving it a sheltered feel. On the back of the trailer an overhanging roof had been added, shading a square of cement floor. Max guessed it had been used either as a carport or a patio, or both. 

“Nice, isn't it?” Captain said, smiling his slightly maniacal smile.

Max didn't pay him any attention, but looked at Dag instead.

“What do you think?”

“It's fine,” she said. “I don't know, it's just difficult to think right now, because all our things are gone, and...” 

She hugged Nanci. 

The trailer was actually better than the one they'd had before, it was bigger, but it had the forlorn look of a place where no one had lived for a while. And it wasn't home.

“What's the rent?” Max asked and Captain told him. “We'll take it. I'll come by with the advance later.”

They walked back to Valkyrie's trailer. She wasn't home, but she had given them a spare key. 

“I need to go to the bank,” Max said. “And take care of some things.”

Dag nodded. She seemed dazed and Max considered telling her to snap out of it, but maybe it didn't matter. He looked at her. “It'll be all right,” he said.

She met his gaze and nodded again. “I think I'll go over to Daisy's,” she said. “I'd rather not be alone.”

“Okay.”

He dropped her off at Daisy's before he headed into town. The sky was big and white, overcast, but it didn't look as if it was going to rain. He was going over everything in his head as he drove, everything he needed to do. He'd called into work this morning and explained what had happened, the short version, that his house had burned down. Fifi had given him the day off.

He went to the bank first, then made a couple of other errands. Last he swung by the supermarket and bought a few things that they needed. The rest would have to wait. When he got back he stopped by Captain's place. There was a collection of pinwheels on the lawn in front of his trailer. Different sizes, different colors. It gave the impression that the person living there wasn't quite normal.

Max had written a check that would cover the first three months' rent.

“You only need to pay the first one now,” Captain said.

“I'm paying three.”

“Okay.”

They had dinner at Daisy's that evening. 

“I think you should stay at Valkyrie's tonight as well,” Max said to Dag. They were alone in Daisy's green and white living room. Daisy had taken Nanci outside for a bit of fresh air. 

“Yeah, we don't even have any bedsheets.”

“Here.” He gave her a bundle of bills. “And this is my bank account number. I've given you access to it.”

She stared at the money and the written note.

“Max, what are you doing?”

“I'm gonna take care of Joe.”

Dag shook her head. “I don't want you to do that.”

“I have to.”

“Then I'm coming with you.”

“You need to stay here, take care of Nanci.”

“But...” She swallowed. “Why are you acting like you're not gonna come back? You're gonna come back.”

“I want to, but I might not.”

“Jesus...”

She looked out the window for a moment, then she turned back to him and put her arms around him, hugging him tight. He could smell her hair and her skin and he thought of lying in bed and holding her hand. He thought of evenings and mornings spent together, of watching a movie and her commenting the silly parts, of sitting on the steps to the trailer when it was warm outside. 

“What am I gonna do if you don't come back?” she said.

“You're gonna move into the new trailer, and you'll be fine. You'll get more shifts at the hardware store. And you and Nanci will be safe.”

He hugged her and he thought that even though she was thin, she didn't feel fragile. He could hug her tightly and she didn't break.

They would be safe. It was the most important thing, he thought when he drove away later. He couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to them. 

He had figured that the most likely place Joe would be staying was the roadside motel nearby Kelly's Bar, and he'd driven by there earlier and seen the bikes parked outside. Furiosa might have brought them into the station for questioning, but they were out again now. 

The motel was next to a gas station. Trucks were parked in a long line in front of it. Max drove past and parked his car on a narrow dirt road in the woods, then walked back. His plan was to find Joe, he was probably in the bar now, then wait, follow him as he walked back to his room and put a bullet in his head. 

He felt the weight of the gun against the small of his back. Procuring that had been one of his errands today. 

He went over to the bar and saw Joe through the window. His long, white hair was easy to spot. He didn't see the other two, but it didn't matter. Joe wouldn't be sharing a room with them, and Max planned to get him right when he was unlocking the door. He'd be alone then.

He walked back to the motel and found a place behind a parked truck where he could see the whole front of the motel. When he stood there his thoughts went to Dag and Nanci, who were most likely in bed in Valkyrie's living room now, and a sense of regret came over him. He wished he had been there with them, he wished none of this would have happened. He wished he had told Dag how much she meant to him. He wished he could have seen the little one grow up.

He wiped the corners of his eyes. 

After he had pulled the trigger he would have a short window of time during which he had to get away, assuming he wasn't jumped by the other two. Someone would hear the shot and call the cops. Even if he made it out of here before the sheriffs showed up, the first door they would come knocking on would be his. Furiosa would have no choice but to come for him, murder was something else than a drunk and disorderly. So he had to leave. He figured he had a chance to make it across the border, he knew the back roads that weren't marked on any maps. 

While he waited he saw a couple of girls get in and out of the parked trucks. It was a sad thing to see. That was a hard, dangerous life. 

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He thought suddenly of Jessie, and Sprog, and in the back of his mind he wondered if he'd see them again, if things went really bad tonight. He just had to make sure he killed Joe first. He didn't really think he would see them, but he hoped. That would mean it wasn't all just a sad ending for him. 

He saw Joe then, coming down the road from the bar, and he was suddenly wide awake. Joe walked leisurely, but he didn't seem to be staggering. Max took out the gun. He felt a little nauseous. 

Slowly, and as silently as he could, he moved along the side of the truck. His pulse was ticking in his ears. He couldn't see Joe, he should have come around to this side now. Max contemplated going back, around to the other side of the truck, but then he saw him. 

He was with a girl, walking towards the motel. Max hesitated. He knew he should move forward, walk up quickly behind him, but he stood rooted to the spot. The indecision felt like a physical force, pressing against his senses. This was his chance, but he didn't know if he could walk up there and shoot him in cold blood, with a young girl who had nothing to do with this right next to him.

She was wearing a short skirt, she had skinny legs. She looked very young. Max watched Joe unlock the door to his room. He was close enough that he could see them pretty clearly and the lights came on in the room, spilling out across the pavement, before Joe closed the door. 

There was a payphone close by. Max could feel his heart beating in his chest and his hands trembled slightly as he dialed; it was the adrenaline. He called it in as an assault, said there was a child involved, and gave the location, including the room number. When they asked for his name, he hung up.

That girl had to be a minor. She'd had that slender look of someone who had only just entered puberty and he'd gotten a fairly good look at her face too. 

He hoped the sheriffs would respond quickly. He didn't want to think about what was going on in the room now, but it was hard not to. 

He didn't dare hide behind the truck again, in case the sheriffs decided to sweep the whole place and clean it up. They should. But he didn't want to leave until he'd seen what happened. He backed into the woods. It smelled of pine and damp earth; the darkness was thicker here. He stepped into a puddle and his left foot got soaked.

He saw the car when it showed up. Two deputies got out and he heard them yell 'Open up' through the door. He was too far away to hear the response, if there was one, but they decided to kick in the door. They were in the room for what seemed like a long time but it probably wasn't, then another patrol car showed up. 

A little later he saw them march Joe out of the room, in cuffs, and put him in the back of one of the cars. Max left then. He wouldn't find out any more by standing there and he wanted to get out of there. He felt shaky with relief, that he hadn't had to shoot him, that he could go back home. It wasn't a perfect solution, he didn't know for sure that Joe would go down for anything, but it was an easier one. 

The drive back felt almost unreal. He felt strangely aware of his own self, of his breaths and of his hands on the steering wheel. He parked outside Valkyrie's trailer. The windows were dark and he knocked on the door. 

“Dag?” he said. “It's me. Max.”

When the door opened he wanted to hug her, but felt somewhat self-conscious about doing so, so he didn't. 

“Oh my god,” she said, half-whispering. “I was so worried. I changed my mind, after you'd left, and I wanted to go after you, but I didn't know where you were.”

She'd turned on a small lamp and in the faint light he could see her face, her eyes looked big, her expression serious.

“Did you..?”

He shook his head. 

“I called the cops, he was with a girl, a prostitute.” He made a face. “I think she was underage.”

“Oh, so they got him?”

“I saw them put him in the patrol car. Maybe we can find out more tomorrow.”

Dag nodded. “I'm just so glad you're okay.”

They hugged then and he felt an overwhelming exhaustion, felt the weight of it all, and he held her a little tighter.

“If it doesn't work out, we run,” Dag said. “Together.”

Max nodded against her shoulder. He closed his eyes for a moment and he didn't know how he had been able to drive away earlier, planning what he had, because he didn't want to ever leave them.


	11. Chapter 11

It was a strange feeling, getting up the next day, a Saturday morning not that different from all other Saturday mornings. Eating breakfast, having coffee, making plans for such mundane things as buying groceries. He was tired and Dag was tired, but they had to get started on replacing some of the things they'd lost. 

Max had a shower in Valkyrie's bathroom, he felt grimy and as if he wanted to wash off the remnants of last night, but he didn't have a clean change of clothes and had to put on the ones he'd been sweating in yesterday. He needed to shave, but he didn't have his shaver either. 

Valkyrie had taken out some clothes that she wanted to give to Dag. 

“Sorry, don't think I have anything in your size,” she said to Max. 

There was a store on the outskirts of the next town that was the kind that had almost everything, and at reasonable prices. Dag drove and Max was in the backseat, feeling as if he might fall asleep. 

She tried to give him the bundle of bills back when they arrived at the store, but he pushed her hand back towards her.

“You might as well pay,” he said. 

She smiled. 

They only bought the bare necessities. Bedclothes so that they'd be able to sleep in their beds, some towels, toothbrushes. Max got himself an electric shaver and some clothes. Dag got some underwear and they bought clothes and a few other things for Nanci.

Max glanced at Dag's wrist. She was wearing the bracelet he'd gotten her for Christmas. She was always wearing it, so it hadn't been lost in the fire. 

It seemed like a lot of things when they went to the checkout and Dag had a pinched look on her face when she handed the money to the cashier. But when they got back to their new home it looked a lot less. 

“I guess we should start by airing the place out,” Dag said. 

They opened all the windows and doors, those that would open. Nanci was running around, from one room to the other.

“Hello, hello.” Captain had walked in through the open front door. “I've come to fix the back door,” he said, “and I thought you might want this.” He held up a vacuum cleaner. “I had an extra one lying around, you can have it.”

He was pulling a cart with his other hand, with a tool box and other things in it. He lent them cleaning products that they had forgotten to buy, and Max vacuumed while Dag scrubbed down the kitchen. Captain fixed the back door, and a window that also wouldn't open, and he put new bulbs in all the lamps. 

“Thank you,” Dag said when he had finished. Max was glad she said it, because donating vacuum cleaners and light-bulbs wasn't Captain's obligation, but Max found the man exceptionally annoying and would've found it hard to thank him. 

“Let me know if there's anything else that needs fixing,” Captain said. He turned the tap in the kitchen sink on and off once. “The plumbing should be fine.” He was looking at them. “Well, I should get going then. Lots of tenants, lots of things to do.”

It was getting a bit chilly in there so they had to close the doors and windows. The strange, unfamiliar smell would fade in time. 

“At least you don't have to sleep on the couch anymore,” Dag said. She was trying to be upbeat, but didn't quite succeed. 

They had stopped cleaning, too tired to go on, when there was a knock on the door. Max went to open and Furiosa was outside. 

“Hi,” she said. 

He let her in and Dag got up from the couch. 

“The landlord told me where I could find you,” Furiosa said. “Glad to see you've found a place.”

She turned to Dag.

“I just wanted to tell you that your father has been arrested,” she said. “Last night we got an anonymous tip and he was apprehended.”

She had to know, or at least strongly suspect, who had called in that anonymous tip, but she didn't say anything about it.

“What's he being charged with?” Dag asked.

Furiosa made a face. “He was with a young girl who is underage, so that's statutory rape. And he had a rather large amount of illegal substances in his possession, that's intention to sell, as well as a couple of illegal weapons.”

Max wasn't sure if she was supposed to tell them this, maybe she was allowed to tell Dag since she was family, he didn't know the procedures for these things.

He'd had no idea about the drugs. Maybe Joe had gotten a delivery and hadn't had time to move it to a safer place, because he was busy harassing the two of them.

“It looks like he'll be going away for a long time,” Furiosa said.

“Good,” Dag said. 

Furiosa nodded a little. “I just wanted to let you know,” she said. 

They had a simple dinner that evening, heated a few things from cans, and then when Nanci had been put to bed they sat down on the couch. It was quiet. They didn't have a TV, nothing to do, it felt weird. 

“Should have bought a deck of cards,” Max said and Dag smiled.

“Yeah,” she said. “God, I'm tired. I feel sad, even though I know we're all right and everything. I'm just sad.”

Max nodded. 

“I'm gonna go to bed,” Dag said. “I just want to sleep for a year. Aren't you tired?”

“Yeah.” He felt as if it was too much work to even get up from the couch. But he did and he went to bed in the room adjacent to the living room, in a strange bed, in new bedclothes that smelled unfamiliar, unused to the view from where he lay. 

**

Tragic accidents made a lot of people want to do good deeds. Daisy came by with things that she had scrounged up – some kitchen utensils, drinking glasses and curtains. Max's boss, Fifi, asked him if they needed a TV, he and his wife had bought a new one and they wanted to get rid of the old one. 

Max got an unpleasant feeling of deja vu. After the accident when he lost Jessie and Sprog people also wanted to help. They brought casseroles and sympathetic faces. But it wasn't the same now. They'd lost things, not family, not people, and he wasn't alone. 

Dag's birthday was coming up and he felt so unsure about what to get her that he ended up asking her what she wanted. 

“I don't want anything,” she said. “There's still a lot of stuff that we are gonna have to buy for this place. Don't waste money on a birthday gift for me.”

“It's not wasting it.”

She had made a cake for him, she shouldn't have any less.

“Actually,” she said. “I've changed my mind. Can I change my mind?”

He nodded.

“I'd like us to go out, for dinner. Just you and me. Can we do that?”

The notion made him feel nervous. He wasn't sure what she put into that, but he nodded. 

“Great.” She smiled. “No child throwing food around, or pooping in the middle of dessert. I haven't done anything like that in ages.”

**

Even if it was just dinner, and technically they had it together every night, the whole thing made him feel a bit uneasy. Toast was going to watch Nanci and they dropped her off there first. Dag was wearing a dress that Valkyrie had given her. It was dark purple and sleeveless, reached halfway down her calves and it didn't look like anything she usually wore. 

“Where do you wanna go?” he asked her when they were in the car.

“I don't know. Nothing too fancy, or I'll just feel out of place, but maybe not a burger joint?”

“All right.”

They went to the next town, which was slightly bigger and had a somewhat larger selection of restaurants. It was a bit closer to the ocean, so they got more tourists during the summer. They found a restaurant that looked pretty good and went inside. 

The tablecloths were red and white checkered and there was a single red flower in a vase on every table. On the walls were black and white photographs of the beach. About half of the tables were occupied, most of the patrons sitting by them were middle-aged or older. Dag stood out as the youngest, except for a couple of kids in a company that seemed to be two families out for dinner together. 

A waitress came over and handed them each a menu.

“Would you like to start with something to drink?”

“Just water, please,” Dag said.

“The same for me,” Max said.

“Okay, I'll be right back.” The waitress smiled and left. 

“You can have something else if you like,” Max said. “I don't mind.”

“I don't mind either,” Dag said.

Although the restaurant wasn't overly fancy, Max felt horribly out of place. He felt as if people were looking at them, wondering what he was doing there with her. 

She looked very pretty. She had put a slide of some kind in her hair, pulling it away from her face. She wasn't wearing any make up, she never did, but she sure didn't need it. 

They talked a bit about what they were going to order, then Max didn't know what to say. They talked all the time, but now he couldn't think of anything. Dag didn't seem to know either, and the silence felt awkward, which was unusual as well. 

She was looking at the pictures on the wall.

“Do you think we can go to the beach this summer?” she said. “Nanci has never been.”

He nodded.

“I wanna see what she does when she first sees the ocean,” Dag said and smiled. 

He smiled back. They could go north, not south. He didn't want to go south. 

Their food arrived and they talked a little about Nanci, about what to do for her birthday. Then it got quiet again.

“Does this, all of this, make you uncomfortable?” Dag asked. 

It did, although he didn't know exactly why. And this was what she had said she wanted, so he wanted to do it, for her. 

She reached across the table and put her hand on his. She was smiling a little, but it looked genuine, she looked like herself. 

“We can leave if you want to,” she said. 

“No.”

“I think it feels a little weird too. So very adult-like, somehow. And no Nanci, and food we haven't cooked ourselves...”

He smiled a little at her. The conversation flowed a little easier after that. The food was good and Max stopped worrying about what people were thinking. He glanced at Dag across the table, when she had her eyes turned in another direction, and thought that somehow she looked different in here. The dark dress was a stark contrast to her pale hair and skin.

“Do you dance?” she asked when they'd finished eating.

There was a small dance floor and mellow music was playing in speakers, not too loudly. 

“Um... very badly, I think.”

Dag smiled. “But you can dance with me, can't you?”

Max hesitated. “Okay,” he said then.

It wasn't just his imagination, people actually did cast furtive glances in their direction as they moved up to the dance floor. Maybe because they thought Dag looked too young for him, or maybe because she was striking, with her height and her white-blonde hair. 

He had never been a good dancer and now it seemed he had forgotten how to do it completely. The last woman he danced with was probably Jessie. Probably in their living room. 

He held Dag's hand in his left, put his right one on her back. At least the music was slow and they could shuffle, turning slowly, not bothering so much with keeping time with the song. 

Dag took his elbow and got him to hold her a little closer. Nearby a couple was dancing and the woman was leaning her head against her partner's chest. Dag was too tall to do that, but she put her head right next to his. She was warm and slight beneath his hands, her hand resting lightly on his shoulder. Her hair smelled nice.

“I think we're doing all right,” she said, her voice close to his ear. 

That was probably an overstatement, but it felt good, dancing with her, all the same. He hoped she wouldn't say anything else, but just be there, dancing with him, and she didn't. 

They danced to a few songs, all of them slow which seemed to be the only style played here, and then they left. It wasn't very late, but the sun had sunk below the horizon and it wasn't quite as warm as earlier. 

“This was a good birthday,” Dag said. She smiled and he could see the small chip in her front tooth.

When they got back they stopped by Toast's to pick up Nanci. Nanci was fast asleep and Max carried her out to the car. She smelled sweet, like cotton candy. He sat in the backseat with her in his arms, as Dag drove the short distance to their own trailer. When they got home he carried her into Dag's bedroom and put her down on the bed. She was in her pajamas already, so he only had to pull the cover over her. 

“I think Toast gives her a lot of sweets,” he said to Dag as he came back out to the kitchen. She had put the kettle on, she'd started to drink chamomile tea in the evenings. Sometimes he had some too, even though he didn't like it quite as much as she did. 

“Yeah, I think so too,” Dag said. “But it doesn't matter. She's not there that often. Daisy doesn't. I was thinking about that earlier, by the way. Daisy hasn't said anything, but maybe I need to try to find someone else to watch her when I'm at work. I mean, she only agreed to do it for a little while, and it's been almost a year.”

Max nodded. 

“Maybe there's someone else around here who works part time, but not the same days as me, and then we can watch each other's kids. That would be more fair. At least until I find a full-time job. What do you think?”

“That sounds like a good plan,” he said. 

She had her three days a week at the hardware store, sometimes the occasional extra shift on a Saturday, but the Shaws had said it was unlikely they'd be able to offer her more shifts. They were very happy with her, but unfortunately the business didn't allow for another full-time employee. 

She liked the job as well. Max wanted to tell her to stay there, to not look for a full-time job if she didn't want it. They got by fine on what he made and what she made. But he didn't say it, because in effect he'd be telling her not to become self-sufficient and that wasn't fair. She wouldn't want to stay here with him forever. 

“Do you want a cup?” Dag asked.

“Yes, thanks.”

She looked almost a little out of place, standing there in the kitchen in her dress. They sat down by the kitchen table. 

“Can I ask you something?” Dag said. “It's a bit personal.”

He nodded, wondered what it was she wanted to ask.

“Where did you and your wife meet?” 

That was not what he expected. He supposed it was personal, but he'd figured it would be something else. 

He took a deep breath. “In school,” he said. “High school.”

“Really? You met when you were that young?”

He nodded. “We had graduated before we started going out.”

“You never talk about her,” Dag said and she fiddled a little with the handle of her cup. “I just thought that maybe if you wanted to, you could always talk to me.”

Max looked at her and then he took her hand, partly to make her stop fiddling, but also because she was being kind and sweet. 

“What was she like?”

She was a bit like you. The thought just popped up in his head. He wasn't at all prepared and it frightened him. He let go of her hand again. 

“I don't... um, I don't want to talk, not right now.”

“Okay.”

He had the feeling he had somehow ruined something, even though he wasn't sure quite what. And he felt vaguely panicky at the thought that Dag reminded him of Jessie. 

Dag looked at the clock on the wall, which had come with the rest of the furniture. 

“Now I'm twenty-seven,” she said.

“Right now?”

She nodded. “I was born eight minutes past half.”

“Happy birthday.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Look, Daisy gave me these.” Dag was holding out her palm. “They're lettuce seeds, two different kinds of lettuce.” 

There were several plastic cups, that had once contained single servings of strawberry yoghurt, on the kitchen counter in front of her.

“And these are radishes.” She picked up a cup. “And peas, and... I think these are carrots. I'm gonna plant them tomorrow.”

“Great,” Max said. “Now, can we make dinner here?”

“Yeah.” She picked up her yoghurt cups. “I'm just gonna take a shower.”

She'd been home the whole day, and she had to take a shower just when he got back from work and was tired and hungry, and leave him to cook dinner by himself? 

He got started on dinner. Nanci wandered over from the living room, where the TV was showing cartoons of some kind. 

“Mashed potato,” she said when she saw the potatoes.

“Yeah, we're making mashed potatoes. You want that?”

“No.”

That was a flat-out lie. She loved mashed potatoes.

“But you like mashed potatoes.”

“No.”

She opened one of the cupboards underneath the counter. 

“No, go watch TV instead. Okay?”

She didn't. She opened more cupboards, tried to take out things, until he lost patience. He was not in the mood to try to cook dinner while simultaneously having to keep her from taking out every single item she could find and leaving them all over the floor.

He picked her up and went to the bathroom. The door wasn't locked. Water was pouring behind the curtain pulled close in front of the bathtub. He put Nanci down on the floor.

“Nanci is in here with you now,” he said and then he closed the door again. Nanci couldn't open the door herself. 

He went back to the kitchen. It was only a short moment later that Dag showed up, dressed but with hair that was dripping wet.

“Why did you do that?” she said. “I was in the shower!”

He didn't reply.

“I can't watch her while I'm in the shower, she was unrolling all the toilet paper!”

“I'm making dinner, but I'm supposed to watch her?” He turned around, frowned at her. 

Dag was looking at him with a clearly annoyed face. 

“I was just taking a shower, it takes five minutes!”

“You couldn't do that later? And help with the dinner?”

“Five minutes! I've been running around after her all day, I was sweaty, I don't wanna be sweaty all over the food!”

That was the stupidest argument he'd ever heard.

“Are you planning on rolling around in it?”

Dag made an exasperated face. Then she looked around.

“Where is she now?” she said. 

She dashed around the corner.

“Oh no! I told you not to do that!”

He heard her start laughing and then she came back, with Nanci.

“She was still unrolling the toilet paper!” 

Max sighed. “She's gonna keep doing that now, because you're laughing at her.”

“Yeah, we're gonna have toilet paper all over the place.”

Dag had clearly lost her bad mood, but he was tired and just wanted to get the dinner finished. 

“Can't you go outside, until we're gonna eat?”

“But we can help you now.”

“No, just... go outside.”

He finished making dinner, irritated with Dag's inability to plan anything. 

After Nanci had fallen asleep later that evening Dag joined him on the couch in front of the TV.

“Are you still mad?” she asked.

“Hm.”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

He glanced at her. She was sitting with one leg pulled up, her elbow resting on her knee.

“It's a in between,” he said. 

Her hand was suddenly in his hair and he ducked his head.

“What are you doing?”

“It's standing straight up back there.”

“Well, it's my hair and I can have it like that if I want to.”

He could see her smiling out of the corner of his eye and then she turned her gaze to the TV. 

“You have really nice hair,” she said after a moment. “I like it.”

It was difficult to stay angry with her when she was like this, and at the same time she was infuriating. It was the strangest mixture. 

Max went to work the next morning, even though it was Saturday. He'd signed up for an overtime shift, to bring in some extra money. There were still things they needed to replace, that had been lost in the fire. Nanci continuously needed new clothes and they wanted to go on a vacation this summer. He still had some money in the bank, but they also paid more rent and three people ate more food than just one. He didn't save nearly as much nowadays as he used to. 

He ate more than Dag and Nanci, though, which was the argument he used for why he should pay for most of the groceries. And he didn't go to the diner on his lunch break anymore, because they had dinner at home so he usually brought something with him to eat. Even though it was probably horribly old-fashioned, he secretly loved it when Dag made lunch for him. Maybe because it reminded him of his own parents, he remembered his mom doing that for his dad. It just made him feel cared about.

She'd done that today. They had a cafeteria here at work, but it only held a bunch of tables and a vending machine. When the weather allowed most people sat outside. Today was a warm sunny day, so he went to sit down on a pile of pallets. 

“Hey.” It was one of the new guys, Nux his name was. “Mind if I sit here?”

Max shook his head and Nux sat down. Real close too. Max turned his head and looked at him.

“Oh,” Nux said after a short second and scooted a little further away. 

Dag had made egg sandwiches. She was pretty great. 

“You live in the trailer park too, right?” Nux said. “I've just moved there.”

Max glanced at him. He had a shaved head, and sort of big, blue eyes. 

“What's the deal with the landlord? Why is he wearing a propeller hat?”

Max had never seen Captain wear a propeller hat, but he sure did have a thing for pinwheels so it didn't seem very far-fetched.

“'Cause he's a lunatic?” Max said.

Nux nodded then smiled. 

“So, the tall, blonde girl, that's your wife, right?”

“She's not my wife.”

“Oh, okay, but do you know if her friend, that girl with short hair, if she's got a boyfriend?”

Max didn't bother to reply. He was fairly certain Toast did have a boyfriend, but he wasn't particularly interested in talking to Nux about it.

Goose came walking over to where they were sitting.

“I called Fifi, he didn't know either,” he said.

There had been some confusion about some of the specifications for that day's work.

“All right, we'll just keep to this standard then, because it's the same as what we're doing on Monday, so if it's wrong we can just do then what we were supposed to do today,” Max said.

“That's what he said,” Goose replied and smiled. “He's gonna check it on Monday.”

“Okay.”

When Max got home after work Dag was out back. The grass on their lot was green now, and they'd borrowed a lawnmower from a neighbor to cut it. She was crouching down in front of a patch that she'd dug up – next to her was a shovel and a sprinkling can, that she had to have borrowed from someone – and she was wearing a bright turquoise bikini. 

She hadn't heard him come out. Seeing her he felt something that very closely resembled desire, pooling in his belly. He had to look away. 

He cleared his throat and she jumped.

“Jesus Christ, you scared me!” 

He didn't dare to fully look at her. He looked at the black earth she had dug up. 

“Where's Nanci?”

“Daisy and Valkyrie took her to get ice-cream. Because they missed her birthday party, they're doing this instead. You wanna eat? I'm almost done here.”

“Okay.”

He went back inside. He felt confused, even though there wasn't really anything confusing about it. She was beautiful, but he felt wrong for looking at her that way. 

He took out the leftovers they were having for dinner from the fridge. They hadn't gotten a new microwave yet, so he was going to heat it in a pot on the stove.

Dag came in through the back door. “I just gotta clean up a bit,” she said. Her hands were covered in dirt. 

“Okay.”

She had to have bought that bikini recently, because he'd never seen her wear it before. She self-consciously put her arms across her stomach, as if she was trying to hide the stretchmarks she had there. 

“Yeah, be right back,” she said. 

He watched the food so it wouldn't burn and when she came back she had put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. 

They had dinner by themselves, because Daisy and Valkyrie hadn't come back with Nanci yet, and it felt a little odd with just the two of them by the table. He thought about when they'd been at the restaurant, and about dancing with her. 

**

In the southwest corner of the trailer park there was a small playground. It was just a swing-set and a climbing frame that Captain had put up a few years back and it looked a little worse for wear. He had probably bought it second hand somewhere, but it was in working condition and Nanci loved to go on the swings.

“Swing, Max!” she shouted as Max lifted her and put her in one of them. “Swing!”

He pushed the swing and she laughed and smiled at him. He smiled back. She sat there and looked at their surroundings and at him, and he pushed the swing again and again. Her hair was still fine and a little wispy, but it had gotten longer and Dag usually put it into two pigtails. Max had done it this morning and he saw now that he hadn't managed to get them aligned. 

“Hi!”

Max turned around. Nux stood on the street behind him, wearing only cargo-pants and boots. He was tall and slim, his upper body wiry. 

“Hi,” Max said. He turned back to the swing. 

“That's your daughter? She's cute.”

Max didn't feel the need to explain to Nux that Nanci wasn't his daughter, he wasn't interested in talking to Nux at all, so he didn't say anything. 

He pushed the swing and looking at Nanci he realized he wished she was his. He loved her. 

She was smiling and he smiled back. It hurt, though. Admitting to himself that he loved this little girl hurt. He wasn't her dad, he was her friend, and that was all right, but he was afraid of losing her. He was afraid something would happen to her. He was afraid of Dag leaving. He was afraid of being so vulnerable. He was just afraid.

“How old is she?” Nux asked. 

“Go away.”

“Just trying to make some friendly conversation.”

“Yeah, go do that somewhere else.”

Max pushed the swing and when he glanced over his shoulder he saw Nux step into the trailer that was on the other side of the street. Maybe he'd been a little short with him. 

When Nanci was done on the swing, or rather Max decided she was done because she never seemed to get enough, he took her on one arm and walked across the street. He knocked on the door. Nux opened it.

“Did you want something?” Max asked.

Nux had an almost abashed look on his face.

“No...” he said. “Not really.” 

He looked down at his shoes. 

“I just don't know anyone around here,” he said.

Max already felt as if he was going to regret it, but he said it anyway. “Do you wanna come over for dinner?” 

Nux raised his gaze. 

“At your house?” he said. 

Max gave him an incredulous look. “Yeah.”

Nux smiled. “Yeah, that would be great.”

“Okay. Come on then. But put on a shirt.”

“Yes, of course.”

Nux disappeared into the trailer a moment and came back wearing a t-shirt with the logo of a metal band on the front. 

“What's her name?” Nux asked as they started walking back towards Max's trailer.

“You wanna tell him your name?” Max said to Nanci, but she was acting a little shy. “Nanci,” he said.

“Nanci. That's a pretty name.”

Max glanced at him. 

“How old are you?”

“Twenty.”

Dag was surprised, to say the least, that he'd brought a guest. She made a face at him, behind Nux's back, as if she wondered if he'd gone a little crazy. Max actually wondered that himself. 

During dinner Nux told them not his life's story exactly, but not far from it. He was from down south, from a small town where there were no jobs, and he'd moved here because of that. He'd lost his parents a few years ago and he had an older brother who was in the army. 

He thanked them profoundly for the dinner, and there was something about his manners that seemed almost practiced, as if he was remembering something he'd been taught long ago and he wanted to get it right.

“You bring home all sorts now,” Dag said when he had gone. She had an amused look on her face. “Max Rockatansky, keeper of strays.”

“I'm not keeping him, he lives on the next street.”

“Yeah, but you invited him.”

“He just... he seemed lonely.”

Dag was looking at him. He took a deep breath.

“He's the same age my son would have been now,” he said.

“Yeah.” 

She was still looking at him.

“I think that where he is now, there is someone who has taken him in, someone who cares for him that same way,” she said.

She had such a strong belief in the afterlife. Max wished he had shared it. 

“I don't think it works like that,” he said. “And it was just dinner.”

“Not for me it wasn't.”

“Yeah, well, that's different.”

It was silent for a few seconds. The pots and dishes were still on the table; they should clear them away. 

“I pray for them,” Dag said. “For your wife and your son. Is that okay?”

Max turned his gaze to her, surprised to hear her say that. He didn't know she prayed at all. That she would do that made a warm feeling spread inside his chest, even if he didn't believe like she did. He nodded.

“Who do you pray to?” he asked.

“To anyone who might be listening,” she said. 

He smiled a little. She was such a caring person, she was amazing. 

She got up and took the pot that had held the potatoes from the table. When she walked past him she slid her hand over his neck, a brief, gentle caress, and the feeling of her touch lingered. 

Nux was so grateful he'd been invited for dinner that he came over the following weekend and helped Dag with her gardening project. Toast was there too, but she showed little to no interest in gardening and while Nux and Dag dug up another small patch, next to the first one, she stood beside them, leaning on a rake.

Max was inside with Nanci and he saw them through the window, heard their voices floating in through the open back door, but he felt reluctant to join them. He kept an eye on Nanci, who had turned out to be a bit of a gardening saboteur. 

“I think you should go for it,” Toast said when she and Dag came back inside a little later. Nux had apparently gone home. 

Dag made a face at her. “Do you want to stay for dinner?” she asked.

“No, thanks, I have a date with Ang. See you tomorrow, maybe. Bye. Bye Max, bye Nanci.”

Toast left through the front door.

Max looked up from where he and Nanci were playing with building blocks. Dag stood there in the middle of the room, dirt all over her hands.

“He didn't ask me out,” she said. “That was just some random idea Toast got in her head. He was just being helpful because he likes you, I think.”

Max turned his eyes back to Nanci and the colorful blocks he never got more than five high before she tore them down again. He had a strange feeling inside. 

“If that's something you wanna do...” he said without looking at her. “You should.”

She should be living her life, just like Toast was, like all people her age was. 

“Yeah, well...” she said after a few seconds. “There's not a lot of guys like you, Max.”

She headed towards the bathroom and Nanci tore down the latest tower of blocks, screaming excitedly at the destruction. 

Max thought about what Dag had said when he had gone to bed that night, turned it over in his head over and over again. What did she mean by that? He knew what it sounded like, but that couldn't be it. He was too old. He was boring. They were friends. She couldn't have meant it like that.


	13. Chapter 13

Dag was excited in the days leading up to their vacation and Max tried to be as well. He really did, because he didn't want to ruin things for her, but he felt only dread. And it got worse the closer they got to their departure, his nightmares got worse. He didn't want her to notice, but of course she did.

“Are you okay?”

Max nodded. He was putting away the clean dishes and Dag came up to him and looked at him, intently as if she was trying to gaze into his head. It was annoying.

“You've been acting really strange all week,” she said. 

He wanted her to go away. She was making things worse. 

“Is something wrong?” she asked. “Did I do something?”

Stop asking, he thought. He was doing this for her, he was going to do it for her, and she was making it even harder. 

“Can you at least tell me what it is?”

“Nothing's wrong.”

She was still looking at him. “Is it the vacation?” 

He gave something away then, although he wasn't sure what.

“You don't want to go?” she said and he could hear the uncertainty in her voice, it scraped against his nerves.

“Can you drop it?” he said.

“No, because I can tell something is wrong! If you don't wanna go...”

“I've never said I don't want to go!”

“But what is it then?”

She just wouldn't let up. He felt like something was breaking inside, and she just kept at it. He turned away.

“Oh my god,” she said suddenly. “I'm such an idiot.”

In the silence he could feel his own heartbeats.

“I'm sorry,” she said. “I didn't think... I'm sorry.”

He had no idea how she figured it out. 

“Max, it's okay, we don't have to go.” He felt her hand on his shoulder. “I didn't realize it was that difficult for you, maybe I should have, I'm really sorry.”

The painful memories were right at the surface, those days at the coast and how they ended, how it all ended, and he felt stupid too, because now he had ruined it.

She pulled him into a hug. 

“I'm sorry,” he said.

“No, it's all right. Don't be sorry,” she said. “We won't go. It's all right.”

He held her tight against the pain in his chest. She had her arms around him and she put one hand on the back of his neck.

He couldn't pinpoint the moment when the embrace began to feel different, when it felt as if the warmth of her started to seep into him and he suddenly felt aware of her soft, strong body against his, his palms against her back. 

He let go of her. Not too quickly, because he was pretty sure it was all just in his head, but he wasn't sure and he couldn't go on holding her either way. He felt awkward and at the same time panicky. He'd been thinking about Jessie mere seconds ago. 

It was quiet for a moment and the silence seemed strained.

“Maybe we can go someplace else?” Dag said. “Inland? But if you don't feel okay with it, just say so. It's okay. It's supposed to be fun, for all of us, or we won't go.”

He nodded a little. He had to swallow before he could speak.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Are you sure? I don't want you to do something, just for us or whatever.”

“No, it's okay.” If they didn't go to the coast, that could work.

He felt embarrassed, about making a scene, about what he'd felt when he hugged her. And he felt so guilty, about all of it. Also, it felt sort of good now that she had noticed, he realized, that she knew him well enough to figure it out when he couldn't tell her.

Early the next morning, the day of their planned departure, Dag went out to get a map. She was back again really quickly though.

“I borrowed this from Captain,” she said, and held up a folded over map. “He was outside his place, so I asked him where I could buy one, and he lent me this.”

“He's a wack job.”

“I don't get why you don't like him, he's really kind.”

“Hm.”

Dag smiled. She studied the map while Max tried to get Nanci to eat her breakfast. 

“What about this place?” she said and pointed. “It's not very far, and there's a lake, and this symbol here means there is a camping site with cabins, I think.”

Max nodded. She looked questioningly at him, as if she wanted to make sure he meant it. She'd wanted to go to the coast, she wanted Nanci to see the ocean; she was doing this for his sake and while it made him feel a bit embarrassed, it also made a warm feeling spread inside.

“Yeah,” he said. 

She went back to studying the map and he looked at her while she was busy doing that. She looked focused and she was really pretty. He'd known that all along, of course, but now he noticed it much more. The color and shape of her mouth, her small nose. There was a tiny dot on one side of her nose, a pinprick scar; she'd probably had it pierced at some point. 

He was brought out of his thoughts when Nanci climbed over to his lap. She stood on his legs and put her hands on his cheeks. She laughed, as if that was some hilarious joke. 

“You're gonna be wild to have in the car,” he said to her.

“Max.”

“Yeah?”

She smiled and he smiled back, and then she gave him a kiss. She was adorable, it melted his heart. Especially because she liked him so much, that was the most amazing thing of them all.

“Maybe we should try to tire you out a little?” he said to her. “Let's leave Mom to find us a route, and you and I can go out to the garden for a bit, yeah?”

Dag came outside after a little while. Nanci was a bundle of energy this morning and the plan to tire her out was not working at all. She was running around, shouting and laughing. The morning dew still clung to the grass like glass pearls and her shoes were getting wet. 

“Can you have a look at this too?” Dag said and held up the map. “Just so that we're sure where we're going?”

She followed the roads they'd be taking to the lake with the tip of her finger. 

“Yeah, looks good,” Max said. 

“You think we can find it?”

He nodded. He had never been to those parts before, but he had a good sense of direction. He'd done a lot of driving, and quite a lot of it on small back roads in the middle of the night without a map. Driving to a camping site, following a route marked on a map wouldn't be any trouble. 

They packed their things into the car, then put Nanci in her safety seat. It was in the backseat now. Dag had figured out it could go there as well. Max took off Nanci's shoes and put them in the rear window to dry.

Nanci didn't want to go in her safety seat, or even in the car, and wailed as they drove off. Dag was driving and Max turned around in his seat and tried to distract Nanci, talk to her, placate her with her toys. Nothing worked. 

“If she's gonna be like this the whole way...” Dag said.

“She won't.”

“Don't cry, we're going on vacation. It's gonna be fun!” She threw a glance in the rear-view mirror.

Nanci remained unimpressed. Eventually Dag started singing, and Nanci stopped crying. Dag sang the song once and then started over. 

“You're too cool to sing?” she said, glancing at Max, before picking it up again.

“I don't know the song.”

He couldn't sing, but neither could Dag. When she started on the fourth turn, at least he knew the words. It was a short, simple song. 

“I think she's in shock,” Dag said when they stopped singing, and Nanci remained calm. 

Max smiled. 

“Where did you learn that song?” he asked. 

Jessie used to sing to Sprog. She liked music and she had a good voice. She played the saxophone too and he remembered times when she'd played it in their living room in her underwear. He hadn't thought about that for a long time. 

“My mom sang it to me,” Dag said. “I had forgotten it. I've only sung Christmas songs to her before, I think.” She glanced in the rear-view mirror again. “But now I remembered it. Isn't that weird?”

“No.”

“Do you know any songs?” Dag looked at him for a moment, before turning her eyes back to the road.

He knew what she was asking; had he sung to Sprog.

“Maybe,” he said. “I'll have to think about it, see if I remember any.”

They stopped for lunch at a roadside cafe and then Max took over the wheel. It was a hot, sunny day and they drove with the windows rolled down. The wind caught Dag's hair and made it dance around her face. Nanci fell asleep in the backseat. 

It was late afternoon when they arrived at the camping site. They had passed through a small town just a short while ago, but out here it was countryside. Small cabins were interspersed among the trees and the lake glittered through the woods. They stopped at the reception, which was a cabin itself, located by the entrance. There were a few folders with information about local sights worth seeing, a sign that proclaimed the rules of the camping site and a small selection of things for sale, such as soap, tampons, cigarettes and candy. 

An elderly lady informed them that there were a couple of cabins available.

“I've only got one with a double-bed that's available,” she said. “And we'll put in a bed for the child, no extra charge.”

Max and Dag looked at each other.

“What are the other cabins?” Max asked. 

“They have bunk-beds,” the lady said. “All the ones with two beds in them are taken, I've only got four-bed ones available, and they cost the same as the other one.”

She thought they were a family, a couple with a kid, and it wasn't so strange that she did. Max knew it was probably unusual for people to live like he and Dag did. He wondered what Dag thought about continuously being mistaken for his girlfriend, if it made her uncomfortable or annoyed.

“Nanci won't sleep in her own bed, not for a whole night,” Dag said. 

And then a single bed would be rather cramped. 

“We can share?” he said.

“You sure?”

He nodded. They had already shared a bed at Valkyrie's and getting two cabins would cost double, it seemed so unnecessary. Still, it felt very odd, getting the keys to the cabin and knowing he'd be sleeping in the same bed as the two of them for a whole week. 

Being on a vacation at all felt odd. He hadn't been, not since Jessie and Sprog. It was impossible not to think about that last vacation they'd been on, and he had to struggle to keep the pain and anxiety at bay. Dag took the car and went back to the little town they'd passed, to buy some groceries, and he focused on Nanci. He let her jump on the bed, because there was no harm in it; she couldn't really jump, she just flailed and shouted 'Jump!'. 

There were a couple of paperbacks left by previous tenants on a shelf and he read on the back of them. It would have made his mother so happy, that he'd become a reader. It was a thing born out of necessity, but he had to admit it had done him good. It was hard to define, but he felt it had changed the way he thought a bit. The world was a little more describable, he could put more things into words than he used to, even if he only ever did it in his head. But that wasn't quite true, he said a lot of those things to Dag actually. 

It made him feel a little old, though, the reading, even if his mother had read all her life. It was a feat, he knew that. She wasn't educated and it wasn't expected of her, on the contrary people looked down on her for it, thought her a little stuck-up, thought she should have focused on her home and her family. She did both, he knew that even if other people didn't, and he was a handful as a kid. His dad used to say he had ants in his pants. 

“Max look!” Nanci said.

“Yeah, I'm looking. Do you want some juice?”

He scooped her up before she fell off the bed and hurt herself, lifted her up high above his head and she shrieked of laughter. 

Dag got back with a couple of bags of groceries and two pizza boxes and his anxiety eased up a bit. 

“You wanna go down to the water?” he asked when they had finished eating.

“Yeah, let's go down and have a look at it.”

The lake wasn't so big you couldn't see to the other side of it, but it wasn't small. Where the woods cleared there was grass and a strip of sand. A little to the right was a swimming platform, a wooden construction sticking out into the water and a few people were sitting on it.

Max and Dag and Nanci stuck to the sand beach, where the water was shallow. It wasn't the ocean, but Nanci had never seen a lake either. The excitement on her face was a wondrous thing to watch. They took off their shoes. The water was warm and silky against his feet. 

“Look at her,” Dag said and smiled. 

Max was, but he was also looking at Dag. 

“Can you swim?” she asked.

He felt the surprise on his own face. “Yeah,” he said. “What, you can't?”

“No.” She shook her head a little. “I never went to swimming school, and then, you know, I've just never learned. But it's good that you know, just in case.”

He didn't like having that responsibility. If anything were to happen, to Nanci or to Dag, it would be up to just him to get them out.

“You should learn how to swim,” he said.

“Yeah I know.”

She looked at him. “Don't bust my ass about it,” she said.

He didn't say anything else on the matter. She'd told him about her childhood, he knew how restricted it had been. Still, she really needed to learn. Maybe there were swimming schools for adults, he didn't know.

“I jumped into the deep end of a pool when I was little,” he said. “Before I could swim, but I thought I could. My dad had to jump in after me when I sank like a rock.”

Dag laughed. “A bit overconfident?”

“A bit.” He smiled.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, after they'd eaten breakfast, they went down to the beach. The only other people there this early were two old ladies and a family with two small kids. They spread out their blanket and Max tried not to look when Dag pulled off her jeans shorts and t-shirt. Especially since she seemed slightly self-conscious about doing so. 

“I should have gotten a swimsuit,” she said. “I don't know why I didn't.”

She held her arms across her stomach. 

“It doesn't matter,” Max said. It really didn't. 

“They said it would go back to normal, because I was young and everything, but it didn't.”

“You look great.” He felt a bit awkward saying it, but this insecurity of her's tugged at his heart. 

She smiled a little. 

He felt self-conscious too, stripping down to a pair of swim shorts. The tattoo on his back was big and black – the grinning skull, the circle and flames around it. 

“Did it hurt, getting it?” Dag asked.

“I don't remember it.”

Nanci had a blue and white striped bathing suit with a bright red flower on the front and her round belly stuck out, like a small half moon underneath it. They'd put a sun hat on her too.

“Oh my god, she looks like a tiny senior citizen,” Dag said. 

Max smiled. They walked down to the water, each holding one of Nanci's hands. She liked bathing in the tub back home, but this was different. She was a little frightened but excited too. They stayed close to the shore.

“Maybe we should have bought a swim ring, or those armband things?” Dag said.

“We can see if they sell them anywhere in town.”

When Dag went back up to the blanket with Nanci, Max swam out a bit. The surface of the lake was still. It was quiet, apart from the splashing sound when he cut through the water, smooth against his skin, cooler out here, but not cold. The tranquility felt soothing, a balm on something frayed. After a while he turned back, swam back towards the shore and it was satisfying to put some strength in each stroke and feel that he had it. He was pretty strong, from working hard almost every day; that was a good thing, it felt useful.

Dag shaded her eyes with her hand and squinted up at him when he got back to their blanket. 

“You swim really well,” she said. 

He picked up a towel and sat down.

“You can teach Nanci, when she gets a little older,” she said. 

His stomach did a somersault. He glanced at her, but she was rummaging through her bag. Maybe she didn't think about what she said. But he did. 

“You want a soda?” she asked, holding out a bottle to him.

“Yeah, thanks.”

She hadn't thought about what she said. It stayed in his mind, though.

The next day they visited a flea market, where they bought a board game that neither one of them knew how to play, but the instructions were on a card inside the box. They took it out that evening when Nanci had fallen asleep. 

“Jeez, it's complicated,” Dag said, reading the instructions. 

“We'll get the hang of it.”

They went to bed that night on each side of Nanci, who was spread out like a starfish in the middle of the bed. Max had the smell of sun-warm skin in his nose and in his mind's eye he could see Dag in her turquoise bikini, as clear as if the image had been branded on the inside of his eyelids. 

She was just a couple of feet away, not yet asleep by the sound of her breaths, and he felt ashamed when he got a hard on. He turned over onto his side, his back to her. 

They had lazy days on the beach. When Nanci was napping Max and Dag could read, a paperback each, or Max swam while Dag sunbathed. They had lukewarm sodas and sandwiches crunchy with sand. He thought he caught her looking at him a few times, turning her gaze away when he turned his head in her direction, but maybe he was imagining it. Projecting, because he had such difficulties to not keep looking at her. 

He felt confused, because once he'd been on vacations with his wife and son, and now he was on vacation with Dag and Nanci. They weren't his family, but in some ways, sometimes, it felt almost as if they were. Or he wanted them to be. Then he felt guilty. 

The two old ladies who were out on the beach as early as them talked to Dag on a couple of occasions, but they always left when they saw Max coming. Maybe he was imagining that too. But Dag smiled a little apologetically at him when he came back from the reception where he'd been to buy new toothbrushes, since Nanci had put all of theirs in the toilet. 

“I think they're a little scared of you,” she said. She was sitting in a chair outside the cabin.

Max looked at the retreating ladies. They had almost identical, white hair that curled neatly over their heads. 

He sat down in the chair next to hers.

“You look a bit like a badass,” Dag said and shrugged. “They're really sweet, though. They're completely charmed by Nanci. They say they're best friends, but I don't think they are. I think they're... you know.”

She looked at Max. 

“You know?” she said again.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“Nothing wrong with it. I don't care what people say about God's will, or whatever. Love is love. I mean, I'm friends with Toast, I don't think it matters.”

Max had been looking at the trees and wondering how old they might be, but now he frowned.

“Toast?” he said. “I thought she had a boyfriend.” Ang, or whatever his name was.

Dag smiled. “No,” she said. “She's got a girlfriend.”

He had completely missed that.

“It doesn't bother you?” Dag said, looking at him. 

“I honestly don't care.”

“My dad used to say that it was perverted to be like that, to be gay.”

Max had probably never met anyone more perverted than Joe. It made him feel sick whenever he thought about how Joe had talked about Dag, about the reason Dag's mother left him. 

“I don't think you should care about anything he's said,” he said.

“I know. I know he's wrong.”

It rained that night, but when they woke up the sky was blue again and the air smelled fresh, of pine and earth. Dag and Nanci went down to the beach ahead of Max, who stayed behind to rinse the clothes they had soaked in the sink overnight and hang them. And, although he'd never say that to Dag, to pull one off. 

He usually did that without thinking much about it, whenever he felt the need. In the past it had just been a routine, he wasn't even very interested, he just got it done. Lately his mind conjured up all sorts of images, and he felt bad about it, but feeling bad about it didn't help, because it didn't reduce the number of erections he got. 

When he got down to the beach Dag and Nanci came walking back from the old ladies' blanket.

“They offered to watch her tonight, if me and 'my man' wanted a night out by ourselves,” she said, smiling a little. “I said no. You think I should have said yes?”

“No.”

She looked slightly disappointed, he thought. 

“We don't know them,” he said after a few seconds. 

“Yeah, I know, you're right. That's why I said no.”

Nanci started playing in the sand. Except for the things she said, and their replies, it was quiet. 

Things felt slightly weird, askew somehow, the whole day. Max didn't know if it was just in his head or not. He didn't know anything anymore. They were going home tomorrow and he was glad for it. Maybe if they just got back home, everything would go back to normal. 

**

Being back home meant he went back to sleeping in his own bed, by himself. The upside of that, he supposed, was that he could jerk off as much as he wanted. 

But things didn't go back to normal. He couldn't define exactly what it was that was different, but it was there, constantly. He and Dag watched TV in the evenings, very much the same way they used to, but it didn't feel the same. 

They were watching a movie one night, when Dag suddenly turned the sound off.

“I see you looking, Max,” she said, turning to face him. 

He felt speechless. 

“And I thought that... maybe you wanna ask me out?”

He felt like a deer caught in headlights. He didn't know what to say. 

“No.”

“No?” She started smiling a little. “Because it's fine. I like you, I thought maybe you didn't know that...”

He got up from the couch.

“No, that's...” His heart was beating wildly in his chest. 

“It's okay...” 

He shook his head. 

“You've got it wrong,” he said. 

“I understand that it's complicated.”

“You don't understand anything!” 

She looked startled.

“I thought...” she began. “Because the way you look at me...”

He made a face.

“I don't... What's wrong with you?”

The corners of her mouth turned downwards and he could see the tears filling her eyes. He was too panic-stricken to feel sorry for her. 

He left her there, crying, and went into his bedroom, closed the door behind him. He couldn't think straight. Some part of him knew he had just treated her so bad. But at the same time he was furious with her. What did she want from him? What did she expect? And he was angry with himself, because he knew he had been looking at her. He'd imagined her touching him, for fuck's sake, but despised himself for it. 

He sat down on the edge of his bed. He felt out of breath, the anxiety pressing against his chest. For all intents and purposes he was married, he'd never stopped being married to Jessie, even though she died on him. She was not supposed to die. And he was not supposed to have feelings for someone else. Someone who was too young, who was not supposed to be feeling anything for him either. 

God, he had fucked things up something terrible. That made the panic clamp down on his throat even more. He wanted a drink. He wanted to just block it all out, go numb, anything to get away from it all. Why did she have to do this? Why did she have to bring it up? 

He was awake most of the night. He didn't want to face Dag the next morning, but he didn't have a choice. He had no idea what to say to her, no idea of how he was even going to be able to look her in the eyes. But the living room and the kitchen were both empty and the door to her bedroom was closed. He could hear Nanci through it. 

He left for work without having breakfast. He had a cup of coffee and some kind of crap from the vending machine in the cafeteria. He felt sick, even though he knew there was nothing wrong with him. 

What if they were gone when he got back home? The thought made him feel icy cold. He couldn't bear it. 

At the end of his shift he didn't want to go home. He was afraid to find the place empty. But he didn't have any place else to go. Dag was his only friend. Up until yesterday. If she left he had no one. 

He sat in the car, parked not outside a bar, not that the idea hadn't occurred to him, but in the parking lot outside the mill. What had he expected? That she would go on living with him, raise Nanci with him, without getting anything in return? He hadn't been sure she wanted anything other than friendship, but he had suspected, a few times. He could admit that now, because it added to his already substantial pile of guilt. 

He had known it wouldn't work out like that. What if she met someone, fell in love, wanted to get married? He had assumed he'd lose them both then. He had been waiting for that to happen, because she was young and beautiful and it was only a matter of time, but she just stuck around. 

There was something wrong with him. He had just fooled himself into thinking there wasn't. 

He saw Fifi come out through the door and head towards his car. He stopped when he was alongside the front door of Max's car, and Max rolled the window down, because Fifi was all right and even though he didn't want to talk to him he couldn't see how he could avoid it without behaving like a complete asshole. 

Fifi leaned down, placing one hand on top of the car. 

“Trouble?” he asked.

“The car is fine,” Max replied. Maybe that's what Fifi meant and it was the easiest thing to answer at any rate.

Fifi nodded a little.

“You want my advice? Go home to the missus. Putting it off won't help.”

In that moment Max felt like punching him, but of course he didn't. Fifi thought, just like most people did, that Max was living with his girlfriend. It was just he who knew what a fucking mess he had made of everything. 

He opened his mouth to say Dag wasn't his missus, but changed his mind. He didn't want to talk to Fifi about it. 

Fifi left and after a short moment Max started the car and he drove home. He had a cold lump in the pit of his stomach. 

The trailer wasn't empty. The lights were on and some of Nanci's toys were on the floor, but the door to Dag's bedroom was closed again. Of course, she knew what time he usually came home, or she could have heard the car. Was she going to stay in there forever? 

He was hungry, but felt like he couldn't eat. He had a glass of juice. He was hyper-aware of the presence behind that door. But then a thought occurred to him, what if she wasn't in there? It was really quiet. Unless Nanci was asleep, he couldn't see how they could be in there. Could they have left, even without bringing all their things? In a hurry to get out, maybe?

He knew exactly how much money Dag had, because she told him. She didn't have a whole lot, so where could they go? To one of her friends' maybe. 

He walked up to the door and listened. He couldn't hear anything. He still had no idea what to say to her, but he couldn't stand not knowing, so he knocked. At first he didn't get a reply, then:

“Yeah.”

He opened the door. Dag was lying on the bed, her back to the door, but Nanci wasn't there.

“Where's Nanci?” he asked.

“With Toast.”

Then he didn't know what to say. Shame filled him, for everything. For everything he'd said, that he'd pinned it all on her, as if it was all just in her head. For everything he'd thought, the attraction he felt for her. 

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to fix this. 

“Um...” He had to say something. 

The silence was thick.

“If you're just gonna stand there, you might as well go away,” Dag said. 

“I don't know what to say.”

It got silent again.

“Are you leaving?” he asked.

“You know I don't have anywhere to go,” she said. Her voice sounded strange, as if she had been crying. “But I'll think of something.”

She probably had been crying. 

“That's not what I meant.”

She was dressed, in her jeans shorts and a sleeveless shirt, but the air in here was stuffy, as if she'd been in here a long time. 

“I didn't mean to make you sad,” he said. 

“I got it wrong. Now I feel like an idiot, but it's my own fault.”

That wasn't the whole truth, though, was it. He knew that.

“I... just wasn't prepared,” he said. 

It was quiet for a moment, then she finally turned around and sat up. He found it difficult to meet her gaze.

“Prepared?” she said. Her eyes were red-rimmed. “I was trying to talk to you, and you completely cut me down! You didn't have to do it like that!” 

He felt guilty, but at the same time, she had no idea of what it was like. 

“It's not that simple,” he said. 

“I know it's not simple!”

“What is it you want?”

“I want you to be honest!”

He didn't even know what she meant by that. Or maybe he did, but it was so complicated. 

“I was married,” he said, feeling as if something was choking him. “I was married and I lost her.”

“I know that, Max.”

“You don't.”

She looked down at the bedsheets. 

“What do we do now?” she said.

“I don't know.”

She grimaced, then started crying. “I don't know what to do.” She got up from the bed and came over to him, she put her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder. He held her and she was warm, as if she had a fever, and her shoulders trembled.

“I didn't mean for things to be like this,” she said, sobbing.

“Me neither. I'm sorry.”

“I'm sorry too.”

He'd lose her, if he didn't get his shit together. She was in love with him, right? She had all but said it. He couldn't fully get his head around it. 

“I don't know how...” he began, but didn't quite know how to finish. 

He could feel her breaths. She let go of him, and he of her and she wiped her hands over her cheeks, kept her gaze lowered. He looked at her. He loved her. He'd thought he loved her as a friend, because it was never supposed to be anything else, but now it was all tangled up.

“I don't know how to do this,” he eventually said. “And I'm too old for you.”

“I don't care. I don't think you are.”

She looked at him, her face a little puffy and red. His chest felt tight.

“I know it was a long time ago,” he said. “Jessie, and Sprog. But it doesn't feel like it, for me.”

She nodded a little. 

“I was waiting for you,” she said. “If I know that you feel something, for me, I can wait longer.”

It was his turn to nod. He felt as if he was getting into some very deep waters. He might never be able to give her what she wanted, but selfishly, he didn't want her to leave him. 

“Why is Nanci with Toast?” he asked.

“Because I was a crying mess, I just needed a break.”

He took a deep breath; he felt completely scrubbed raw inside. 

“Should we go get her?” he said.

Dag nodded. She looked so vulnerable.


	15. Chapter 15

Things felt a little strained and awkward between them, even though it was nothing hostile. Max had to resist the impulse to be overly polite to her, since that would only have made things weirder. He also wasn't sure exactly what it was he had agreed to. It was all muddled in his mind. But everyday life slowly moved on to something that felt somewhat like their usual routine. 

“She's a singer,” Goose said. “Let me tell you, musicians are very passionate people.”

The other guys laughed. They were going over a few of the machines at work, making sure they were in full working condition. Goose went on talking about this girl he'd met, the singer. Max focused on what he was doing, but he was still listening. He couldn't avoid it. He didn't say anything, because it wasn't any of his business and he had no intention of saying what he thought. Goose was married, it wasn't right that he had a girlfriend. 

Nux was working next to him. He was having some trouble with getting a part loose. 

“You have to hold the other, or both of them will come off,” Max said. 

“Yeah, I just...”

Max looked at him. He seemed to know what he was doing, he just couldn't do it with only one hand holding the wrench.

“I'll hold it,” Max said. 

“Okay, yeah...”

He held the wrench, while Nux worked on the other bolt. Nux's hands were thin, not like a woman's, but like a young person's. 

“Thanks,” Nux said when he'd gotten the part loose. He shot a quick glance over at the other guys and Max almost smiled. 

He remembered that. He remembered not having the same tough strength as the other, older men and he remembered caring about what they thought of him. Maybe, if he was being honest, he cared a little bit now too, but he knew what he was doing, he knew his job and he was good at it. 

“Did I tell you I've got a girlfriend?” Nux said. He directed it at Max, not at the other guys who were still making lewd jokes.

“No,” Max said.

“Yeah, she's great! Really great.”

Max nodded a little. 

“Do you know any good places around here, where I could take her?” Nux said. “Like a really pretty place?”

Max shook his head, but then he opened his mouth.

“The river,” he said. “There are some nice places upstream.”

“Yeah? Where is that?”

“You head east.”

“Oh, okay.”

Max had been there with Jessie. He'd been there with a previous girlfriend too, and with friends. You could always find a spot that wasn't crowded and there were some really pretty places along it. 

It was a stressing thought. Was he supposed to take Dag out to a place like that? Was she expecting that? He felt too old to go skinny dipping in the middle of the night, but maybe she wasn't. Then he realized they couldn't do that anyway, because of Nanci, but maybe he was supposed to come up with something else. Do something nice. But his mind went blank when he tried to think. He didn't know. He just didn't know. 

They had dinner outside, on the patio, that evening. They'd bought a small table and three chairs at a yard sale. 

“Could you buy a rim wrench at work tomorrow?” Max asked. 

He needed to have a look at the car tires. One of them might need replacing. They still hadn't bought a microwave or a VCR or a new bed for Nanci, but they needed a functional car first. He usually kept most of those tools in the trunk, but the rim wrench had been in the trailer for some reason and burned up.

“Sure.”

“You know what it is?” Max said.

Dag looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah, I do,” she said. 

Max made an apologetic face. She was getting really handy, working in the hardware store. He looked at her hands. They were thin, though, for real. 

She was gazing over at her small garden plot, where things grew now. The salad they were eating came from there. He felt sort of impressed by her, a strange sort of pride that he really wasn't entitled to. 

They decided to watch a movie that was on TV that night, but those plans went out the window when Nanci didn't want to sleep. Dag was in the bedroom with her, but then eventually she came out.

“I need to pee,” she said. “Could you take over?”

“Yeah.”

He went in there and lay down on the bed, where Nanci was still very much awake. She was crying, she was so tired, but kept herself awake by not settling down. He tried pretty much everything, but nothing worked. What if there was something wrong? She didn't feel warm, so she didn't have a fever. He asked her if her tummy hurt, but she said no. Wailed no, actually.

Dag came in there too after a little while. It seemed to take forever, but eventually Nanci fell asleep. Her cheeks were wet from all the crying. That was no way to go to sleep, to cry yourself to sleep. 

“I'm too tired to watch a movie now,” Dag said. “It's already started anyway, I think.”

“Yeah.” He was tired too. 

Nanci was between them and they both looked at her.

“Do you think she's sick?” Max asked.

“No. I don't know. I don't think so.” Dag touched her forehead, then stroked her cheek. She turned her gaze to Max. “You could stay in here,” she said. “I mean, just like in the cabin. If you want?”

Max felt aware of his own breaths. He hesitated. Dag was looking straight at him, her face open and a little hesitant too. 

He'd had such terrible nightmares over the last week. He worried about having them in here, and at the same time the thought of sleeping here, with them instead of alone, was appealing. 

It felt strange, going to bed in there. This wasn't a solution born out of necessity or practicality. The bed felt softer and warmer than his, but he knew that was just his imagination. Maybe not the warmth, two other people warmed it up. 

He lay awake, listening to their breaths and Dag's soft snoring, and he almost felt like he was going to cry. It sat there, inside him, and it was good and it was bad, and he couldn't tell them apart. The guilt he felt was overshadowed by the knowledge that he didn't want to be alone. The universe had decided a long time ago, for whatever reason, that he was supposed to be, but he couldn't do it. He didn't want to be alone ever again. 

**

Nanci had decided that going to bed was the most traumatic experience of her life, and it was reoccurring. She got fretful, sad or angry every evening. They let her stay up a little later, hoping that if she was a bit more tired she'd fall asleep faster when they put her to bed. They put her to bed earlier, hoping she wouldn't get as upset if she wasn't as tired. 

“Daisy says it's probably just a growth spurt,” Dag said.

Daisy still looked after Nanci most days when Dag was at work, but sometimes another lady, a friend of Daisy's, took her instead. As long as that was working out, it was a godsend; Dag would probably go a little insane if she were to be home all day, every day. She really liked her job and the extra money was good to have as well. 

“I don't know if I was like that,” Dag said. “I can't imagine I was, Dad would never had stood for it.”

“You were little, no one can control that.”

“I know. But maybe Mom knew how to.”

Nanci was playing on the living room floor. She had a jigsaw puzzle made of wood, little nubs made of red plastic on each piece, that she liked a lot. 

“I miss my mom,” Dag said. 

“You look a lot like her.”

Dag smiled a smile that was sad around the edges.

“You remember her?” she said. 

He nodded. 

“She used to play with me, when Dad wasn't around,” Dag said. “He was so cruel to her.”

Max remembered Dag's mother as nervous and frightened, quite a bit younger than Joe. It was a brave thing she did, to take her daughter and leave. The more scared you were, the more courage it took. 

It was difficult to imagine what she had been like around her daughter, away from Joe's watchful eyes. 

“What do you remember about her?” Dag asked.

Max thought for a moment.

“She seemed frightened,” he said. “She was pretty.”

Dag smiled.

“I never spoke to her,” he said. “You know, Joe was paranoid anyone would even look at her.”

Dag nodded. “She must have been so lonely,” she said. “I was lonely, but I had her.”

She seemed lost in thought, but then she turned her eyes to him.

“Do you wanna know what I remember about you, from back then?” she said.

He wasn't so sure he did. 

“Um...”

“It's nothing bad.”

“Okay.”

“I remembered your voice, which is kinda weird because let's face it, you're not exactly a chatty kind of guy.” She smiled and he smiled back. “But you have a pretty special voice.”

“But I didn't speak to you, though, did I?” he said. He couldn't remember ever doing that. 

“No, but I heard you, when you talked to Dad. You weren't so scruffy back then.” She indicated his beard, which he kept short, but he had no patience for razors anymore. “But I remembered, and this is gonna sound so weird, but I remembered your lips. That's how I knew it was you, when I showed up here.”

Max had no idea what to say to that. 

“What do you remember about me?” Dag asked.

“Um...” The topic of conversation was making him uncomfortable. He didn't like to think about those years. “You were scrawny.”

“That's it?”

“You were a kid. I don't... I wasn't looking, I didn't see you that much.”

Dag was looking at him.

“I'm not a kid now,” she said.

“I know.” He felt mildly embarrassed but he tried to think back. “You seemed frightened too. You're very different now.”

“No I'm not, I'm frightened all the time.”

She was standing right in front of him and he raised his hand and touched her cheek. It was smooth against his fingers.

“Not like that,” he said. 

That evening they put Nanci in the stroller. The sun had sunk below the horizon and crickets were chirping all around. 

“If she falls asleep in the stroller, I'm gonna be so happy,” Dag said. 

“Yeah.”

They walked leisurely down one street and up the next. When they came past the playground, two people were sitting on the swing-set. Not kids, but Nux and, presumably, his girlfriend. 

He turned his head when they got closer.

“Hi,” he said. 

Max nodded.

“Hi,” Dag said.

“Hi.” Max recognized the girl. That was Furiosa's daughter, Capable. Even in the faint light he could see the bright red color of her hair. 

He vaguely wondered if Furiosa knew about that.

Dag leaned down and looked at Nanci.

“She's asleep!” she whispered. 

They walked a little more before they headed home. Max carried Nanci to the bed and it felt like a small miracle when she didn't wake up. 

“She didn't wake up?” Dag asked him when he came out again. 

“No.”

Dag raised her arms in a kind of victory gesture.

“Do you want tea?” she asked.

“Yeah, thanks.” 

It was a warm night and they went to sit outside. Dag talked about potted plants she wanted to have on the patio. Except for the table and the chairs they didn't have anything there now. The sprinkling can, a gift from Daisy, stood there too. 

“I was thinking of keeping the car here, in the winter,” Max said. 

“Yeah, but that works. Nothing grows in the winter anyway.”

It was quiet, only the faint sound of voices drifted over from some other lot. It probably seemed even more quiet because Nanci wasn't crying and they had time to sit here. 

Max thought about Nux, sitting on the swings with his girlfriend, and he thought about Dag sitting next to him. In a little while they'd go to bed, sleeping next to each other, and yet he didn't think of her as his girlfriend. That was probably a little weird. 

He glanced at her. It seemed an unbridgeable gulf, even though she was right there. He wanted to, but at the same time it frightened him. 

He turned towards her, feeling rather clumsy, and she turned her head in his direction. Maybe he didn't have the nerve after all, but now she was looking at him, wondering maybe what he was doing. When he leaned a little closer, she leaned forward too. 

He felt aware of his own heart beating in his chest, of the air going into his lungs and out again with every breath. Then their lips met. It felt tangibly real, her face so close, and her mouth against his. It lasted only a moment. She smiled a little. He had no idea what to say now, or do. He could still smell her skin. 

He straightened in his seat again. He should probably say something, but he couldn't think of anything. She took his hand and they sat there holding hands for a little while. He ran his thumb across the back of her hand and thought about how real she felt. So real he could still feel her against his lips.


	16. Chapter 16

The music could be heard in the bedroom as clearly as if they'd had a stereo in there. People having parties on a Friday night was nothing unusual. The walls of pretty much every trailer were thin, it was summer and people left their doors open, so sometimes the neighbors got a dose of the party as well. But this was so loud that the speakers had to be outdoors. 

“I have to sleep!” Dag said. “I'm gonna go over there.”

“And do what?”

“Beat them up until they turn off their music.”

Max glanced at her. She was actually getting out of bed.

“I'll go,” he said and got up instead. He thought it might be Wez who was having the party, and that man could be a bit aggressive sometimes, so Max didn't want Dag to go over there.

He pulled on his jeans, then found his shoes. Dag was watching him. Nanci, funnily enough, didn't have any trouble sleeping. His jacket was by the back door and he put it on before going outside. He headed towards the noise, it was coming from the east side of the park, and he wasn't the only one who had come out to deal with it.

He took a shortcut between two trailers and as soon as he turned onto the next street he saw the party. There were people dancing, talking and laughing all over the playground. And he saw the speakers, they were big, placed on the grass outside Nux's trailer. The idiot.

Wez, who as it turned out was not responsible for the racket, was heading towards it. His steps were determined and Max thought he'd better get there first, get Nux to at least turn the music off, but at that moment two patrol cars showed up. They didn't have their sirens on, but the red and blue lights flashed. 

Some people ran. A couple of others didn't even seem to notice the sheriffs. Some of the vexed residents of the trailer park were shouting. The music abruptly stopped. Max saw no reason to hang around and he headed back home. 

Dag was lying on her stomach, her arms around the pillow. The bedside lamp was still on. 

“You got them to turn it off,” she said.

Max shook his head. “It was the sheriffs,” he said. “Someone must have called them.”

He took off his jeans and got in under the cover. Dag had her face turned in his direction and was looking at him. He looked back at her. It seemed almost unnaturally quiet now. She smiled and he smiled back. 

There was a rustle of sheets as she moved closer, then she leaned forward and put her lips to his. Nanci was in the middle of the bed and Dag was supporting herself on one elbow to reach over her. It was a soft, short kiss, just like before. But this time they kissed again. Her lips, and his lips, touching, again, and then again. 

She kept her face close to his; they were breathing the same air. 

“Can I lie next to you?” she asked, her voice almost a whisper, and he nodded.

She climbed over Nanci, careful not to squeeze her. Max didn't move, uncertain of how he felt and unsure of how he should feel. 

There wasn't a whole lot of room, this side of Nanci, and Dag settled right next to him, the length of her body along his. She lifted her head so that he could put his arm underneath. Her legs were bare, smooth against his. 

She slept in a t-shirt and panties. He had his briefs on and he slept in a t-shirt too, even though she had seen him without a shirt now, had seen the tattoo. Still, the presence of her was overwhelming.

“This is nice,” she said.

He nodded. It was. She was soft and firm against him, both at the same time, and her nose was almost touching his. They kissed again and he felt a bit insecure, it was so long ago that he felt he'd forgotten how to. He was unaccustomed to all of it. She had her hand on his chest, then she put her arm around him instead. The nearness, holding her like this, this close, it was a wonderful feeling. She was lovely. 

He felt then that he was getting an erection, that warm, tightening feeling in his groin, and he couldn't stop it. He tried to move away, so she wouldn't notice, but there wasn't any room, so all he could do was roll over onto his back. 

He felt very, very conscious of that part of his body, as if it hadn't been there a moment ago but now all of his mind was focused on it. His briefs felt tight.

Dag was still lying on his arm and she raised her head to meet his gaze. 

“Did you get a boner?” she said.

“Um...” 

She smiled a little. “That's okay,” she said. “Come back here.”

He felt awkward and more than that, he had this horrible feeling, deep down inside, that he had no right getting aroused, lying here with her. But that also seemed unfair, because he liked being here with her so much. 

He did put his arms around her again, even though it felt a bit too private.

“I can feel it,” she said. 

Having her up close against him felt good and he almost wished it hadn't. 

“We don't have to do anything,” she said. 

He didn't know what to say. 

“I don't have anything anyway,” she said. “And I'm not on the pill.”

“No, no...” He felt almost panicky at the thought. He just wanted to hold her. “I just wanna hold you.”

“I like it when you do.”

She smiled a little and then she just looked at him. 

“Now we've been up half the night, and Nanci is gonna wake up really early tomorrow and want to play,” she said after a short moment.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe we should go to sleep.”

“Mm.”

Nanci did wake up early the next morning. Last night felt almost like a dream when they moved around in the kitchen, made breakfast, then washed up, took turns in the bathroom, got dressed. The sound of the Saturday children's show on TV as backdrop to it all. 

It was Max who picked up when the phone rang. 

“Yeah?” he said.

“Max Rockatansky?”

He didn't recognize the voice. Not a whole lot of people called here. Nine times out of ten it was Toast. This wasn't Toast, it was a man. 

“Yeah.”

“This is Rictus, from the sheriff's department. We have a young man here, Nux, who needs to be picked up.”

Max was quiet for so long that the deputy on the other end asked if he was still there. 

He was not in a good mood when he drove into town. He had a good mind to just let Nux sit there, let him walk home.

The sheriff's department was on the bottom floor of the town hall. Max had a distinct aversion to the place. He had himself to blame for that, but that didn't make him any happier about being there now. He'd minded himself for years; he did not want to walk in there and remind everybody, remind himself, of the times he'd been put in a cell overnight, dead drunk when he was picked up and sick as a dog the next morning. He'd clocked a deputy once, was lucky to escape charges for that, so they didn't like him either. 

Rictus was at the front desk. He was as big as he was stupid, but contrary to what his colossal size might suggest, he wasn't brutal. Jessie used to call him the Roman Dickhead, on account of his rather unfortunate full name, and him being an idiot.

“Hey Max,” he said.

Max nodded a little. He felt uneasy and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but Rictus felt the need to explain at length why Nux was there. 

“I'm just giving him a ride,” Max eventually interrupted him. He felt as if everybody was staring at him.

“He's being released into your care,” Rictus said.

“No, there's no care. I don't even know him.”

“I need to check with the Sheriff.”

Rictus lumbered away between the desk towards Furiosa's office. Max took a deep breath. He was going to wring Nux's neck.

Furiosa came out of her office and Max heard her conversation with Rictus.

“No, just release him, I've already signed... No, he has sixty days to pay the fine.”

Rictus asked another question. Furiosa looked up and Max met her gaze. Had he not been so uncomfortable there, and pissed off with Nux, he would have found it funny. She had inherited the biggest moron in the history of the department when she took office, and she knew it. 

Finally Rictus went and fetched Nux who looked distinctly dejected. 

“Let's go,” Max said as soon as Nux was on this side of the desk. 

He walked towards the exit and Nux followed.

“Why the hell did you ask them to call me?” he said. 

“I don't really know anyone else.”

“You seemed to know a lot of people last night.”

Nux shrugged a little, his gaze on the ground.

Max drove home and parked outside his own place.

“You can walk from here,” he said when they stopped. 

When he got inside Dag was on the phone. 

“Did you know,” she said when she had hung up, “that the Sheriff had to pick up her own daughter from the party last night?” She was smiling as if she found this piece of information hilarious. “Come on, that's funny,” she said when Max didn't say anything. 

Nux was back within an hour. He knocked on the door frame to the back door, which was open. 

“Hi,” Dag said. “Would you mind keeping it down in the future?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

He stood on the threshold, looking hesitant.

“I'm being evicted,” he said. He raised a paper he had in his hand. “Found this on my front door.”

“What did you expect?” Max said. 

Nux shrugged. 

“I just... I've never had my own place before,” he said. 

“Where did you live before?” Dag asked. Max wanted to tell her not to encourage him.

“With my brother.”

Nux had a really crestfallen look about him. 

“I don't know what I'm gonna do now,” he said, “or where I'm gonna live.”

Max went up to him.

“Give me that,” he said. 

Nux handed him the eviction note. There wasn't much information on it. He had to be out by the end of next week. 

“I'll go talk to Captain,” Max said. 

“Really?” 

It was a hot day and Captain was outside his trailer, working on his car. There was no wind so the pinwheels weren't moving much.

“Could you change your mind about this?” Max said and held up the eviction note.

Captain squinted in the sun and made a hesitant face.

“I don't think so,” he said. “He woke the entire neighborhood.”

“He's just a kid.”

“But he signed the lease, he knew the terms of...”

“Nobody reads the lease. He knows better now, he won't do it again, and you're gonna let him stay.”

“I really... I really don't know... There was a lot of littering. Have you seen the playground? Beer cans, everywhere!”

He opened his eyes wide.

“He's gonna clean it up,” Max said. 

“How do I know that he will? He's not a very reliable young man.”

“Because I'll tell him to.” Max put the eviction note on the car. “You can keep that.”

Captain didn't look very happy about it, but he didn't protest and Max turned around and left. When he got back Nux was sitting by the kitchen table. Nanci was showing him her jigsaw puzzle. He looked up with a hopeful look on his face.

“You're gonna clean up the playground,” Max said. 

Nux nodded.

“And do it properly, she plays there,” Max said and nodded at Nanci.

“Yes, of course. But I can stay?”

Max nodded.

“Thank you!” Nux said. He smiled. 

Max felt Dag's hand on the small of his back and it distracted him so that he lost his train of thoughts.

“I'm gonna fix some lunch,” she said. 

He turned his gaze to her her and she smiled at him. 

Nux stayed for lunch. 

“I'm gonna fix up my car,” he told them. “It's gonna be so awesome when it's done. I'm gonna put a whole new stereo in it...”

“Don't you have a fine that you need to pay?” Max asked.

“Yeah... Yeah, I'm gonna do that first.”

Nanci was stuffing too much food in her mouth at once and Max stopped her.

“Eat one piece at a time,” he said. 

She looked at him, her cheeks round, and smiled. He smiled back.

“You're not a hamster, are you?” 

She nodded.

“Oh no, our Nanci has been turned into a hamster,” Dag said. “What are we gonna do?”

Nanci laughed. 

An icy cold feeling crept up Max's spine, expanded all over his skin, the anxiety filling his stomach and his lungs. 

Nanci was little, but if Sprog had been here he would have been the same age as Nux. A grown man. But in Max's mind he was little, would always be little, just like Nanci was and suddenly Nux looked horribly wrong. He turned his eyes to Nanci, and Dag. They all looked wrong, not like themselves, but he couldn't pinpoint what was different. 

Max almost couldn't breathe, fear clamping down on his throat and chest. He'd been with Dag last night, holding her and loving her, but now it felt like cheating. As if by doing that, by even being here, he loved Jessie less. He couldn't do that. He was not supposed to do that. 

He felt blinded by the horror that gripped him, but he couldn't stop it, it would just keep coming until it consumed him.

He got up from the table.

“You have to leave,” he said to Nux. 

He saw Nux's surprised face look up at him, but it seemed surreal somehow.

“What?”

“Get out!”

Nux got to his feet and was out the door as quick as a flash.

“Max?” Dag said, but Max turned away from her.

He felt a freight train, coming right at him, and he didn't want her there. 

“Go away.”

He was petrified that he'd somehow hurt her and Nanci. They couldn't be here. They were never supposed to be here. He'd been such a fool, such a selfish fool.

“Max, what are you doing? Is something wrong?”

He heard her, but her voice was coming from far away. If he closed his eyes, all he saw was the truck on the road, so he opened them again, but it invaded all of his senses. The horrible sound of the impact, the screech of breaks, burning rubber. And he ran, he'd been right there, and he ran but it was too late. The blood sickeningly warm all over his hands. He could feel it now too, it would never wash off, and the weight of them both as he tried to hold them. Sprog's arms horribly bent the wrong way.

He tried to shut it out, but it wouldn't stop. The images in his head were moving at a nauseating speed. He'd been theirs and they'd been his and he couldn't save them. 

He felt as if he was coming apart. He was all they had, even now he was all they had, and he failed them. Over and over and over. Everything was a white hot horrifying terror. And he would die. His heart would stop beating now and he'd die. The truck, the impact, their limp bodies, Jessie's unseeing eyes, the blood, one of her hands missing.

He was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall and he had no memory of how he got there. Dag was crouching in front of him, a scared look on her face. Nanci was beside her, but Dag was holding her arm out, keeping her away. Nanci, too, looked scared. 

Max felt as if he'd been turned inside out. His insides all burned up. 

“Max?” Dag placed a hand on his knee, a little hesitantly. 

He pulled his hand over his face and it came away wet. He'd been crying. 

“Are you... okay?” Dag asked. 

He tried to take a deep breath. He couldn't find his voice. Dag's eyes looked big and serious. 

He swallowed and nodded a little, even though it wasn't true. He wasn't okay. He felt his face contort and he started crying. Shame filled him now. 

“I'm sorry,” he said. 

“Oh...” She looked as if she might cry too. She moved closer and he wanted to tell her to keep away, but when she put her arms around him it felt needed and he clung to her. 

She was warm and real and his arms around her felt real too. He stopped crying, had run dry perhaps. She was stroking his back and the back of his head. That felt good, soothing. Eventually he let go of her. 

Nanci was standing there, looking at them with big, round eyes. He felt so ashamed. It had been a long time since this last happened. 

“What happened?” Dag asked. 

Max wiped his face and cleared his throat, unsure if he'd be able to speak, but he was.

“It's like... a flashback,” he said. 

He felt each breath he took, as if filling his lungs was something new and unusual. He looked over at Nanci. God, he'd scared her. 

“Take care of her,” he said. 

Dag turned around and held out her arms to Nanci. 

“It's all right,” Dag said to her as she held her. “Max just hurt himself, but he's all right now.”

“Ow, ow,” Nanci said. 

“Yeah, it was ow, ow, but it's better now. You wanna give him a hug, and he'll be even better?”

Max wished she hadn't said that, it didn't feel right and he was sure Nanci wouldn't want to either, but she did. She left Dag's embrace and put her small arms around him instead. It felt like a balm, hugging her, just like Dag, but also terribly frightening. He had a responsibility for her and he wasn't fit to have that.

“Now it feels much better,” he said to her. 

He looked at Dag.

“I'm sorry,” he said. 

She shook her head. “You just scared us,” she said. “We're all right. You wanna talk about it?”

He wasn't sure. That break from reality, short as it may be, felt like forever when it happened. It used to happen all the time. The anxiety so strong, overpowering him completely, and it was the main reason he started drinking. He had to escape that, and the grief. He'd thought it would come back when he got sober, but it hadn't, only a few times and not for a long while now. 

“I don't know,” he said. 

Nanci was picking on the neckband of his shirt.

“I told you I was broken,” he said to Dag.

“No, you're not,” she said.

But he was. Deep down he was, and there was no escaping that. It was starting to feel weird, sitting on the floor, but he had no energy to get up. 

The rest of the day felt strange, as if everything had been thrown out of alignment. 

“I, um...” he said when it was time to go to bed. “I should sleep in my room.”

“Oh,” she said. “Okay.” He couldn't read her expression, if she was disappointed or if she was relieved maybe. He just knew he couldn't stay in there with her.


	17. Chapter 17

Max saw Nux at work, but Nux didn't speak to him. It made Max feel bad. The kid's only sin was that he'd been born the same year as Sprog and he couldn't be held responsible for that. Basically he'd been at the wrong place, at the wrong time, or maybe his presence had played a part in Max's breakdown, but that still wasn't his fault. 

Max walked up to him on a lunch break. The sky was overcast but it was warm and most of the guys were outside. Nux was sitting by himself on a large upturned tire and he raised his gaze when Max stopped in front of him.

“Um...” Max cleared his throat. “The other day, it wasn't you. You just... caught me at a bad time.”

Nux nodded a little. 

“Sorry about telling the sheriffs that they could call you,” he said.

Max sighed. 

“It doesn't matter, it's all right.”

“I've cleaned up the playground.”

“That's good.”

Max sat down on another tire. 

“So your little girl can play there again now,” Nux said. 

Max nodded. 

“She's not mine,” he said then. He wasn't sure why he said it, except it felt wrong to let people go on thinking she was, as if he was making claims he had no right to. 

Nux looked at him. “She's not? Then whose is she?”

“Dag's.”

Max had never asked her about Nanci's father and she hadn't offered to tell him. It didn't matter. From the things she had said he'd deduced that she'd been on her own with Nanci since before she was born. He got the sense she'd been alone and scared, and he didn't want to make her talk about it if she didn't want to. 

Nux smiled. “Like the little baby Jesus,” he said. 

Max looked at him. A little further away some of the other guys were sitting together, talking and laughing.

“Why are you sitting here by yourself?” Max asked. “Why not go sit over there?”

Nux threw a glance over his shoulder.

“Yeah... I don't know,” he said. He looked down at his lunch that he hadn't started eating yet. “I don't think they like me.”

That was probably true and at the same time it wasn't. Nux was young, and annoying, and his insecurities were stamped on his forehead. This was a tough crowd, they were hard on everybody, but it didn't necessarily mean they truly disliked him. 

“Come on,” Max said. “Let go sit over there.”

He got up and Nux followed him. When Max came over there, some of the guys scooted over, made room on the beams they were using as seats. He knew they would. He kept to himself most of the time, but he'd worked here a long time. 

**

Max felt tired. Constantly worrying about having another anxiety attack was exhausting, and the uneasiness never truly left him. He could tell Dag was unsure around him and it made him feel sad. At times he thought maybe he should leave, that maybe that would be better for everyone. He'd worked out that it was his own guilt that had been the cause. He'd enjoyed being close to Dag, had let himself believe that he could have that, that he could have her and this little family, and he was punished for it. 

Dag got a bed for Nanci and Max pretended not to think about it, about that it meant she was alone in the big bed in there now, because it had nothing to do with him. But he couldn't pretend anymore when she brought it up.

“Are you gonna come back to our room?” she asked. 

It was a Saturday afternoon and it was raining, but the roof over the patio provided shelter from the rain. The air wasn't as warm as it had been the previous days and Dag was wearing a fleece jacket. 

Max didn't know what to reply.

“At some point?” she said. “Even if it's not soon?”

He could hear the waver in her voice. It was all slipping through his fingers. She was. No matter what he did, it would be wrong. 

“I don't know,” he said. He couldn't look at her. “Maybe I shouldn't be here.”

“What do you mean?”

She had been sitting with her legs crossed, but now she uncrossed them.

“I don't know what's going on,” she said. “I don't know what you're going through. Can you tell me?” 

He had no answers to give her. 

“I get that it's difficult,” she said. “And I don't wanna push you, but I miss you. I miss you so much.”

He looked at her then. She had tears in her eyes, the corners of her mouth turning downwards, and she was struggling not to cry. He reached over the table and took her hand. After only a moment she got up and walked around the table. She was crying now. She leaned down and hugged him. 

The angle was awkward, she standing and he sitting, and eventually she just sat down on his thigh. They were still holding each other. He could feel her breaths, her chest rising and falling, and her head resting right next to his. 

The rain pattering on the roof filled the silence. He never meant for any of this to happen. He missed her too; he felt it so strongly. 

“I don't know what to do,” he eventually said. That was the truth. 

“Maybe you need to talk about it?”

Maybe. He didn't see how that would help and he didn't know what to say anyway. It was such a tangled, confusing mess. 

“I can't stop loving them,” he eventually said. 

“You're not supposed to.” She raised her head, but he found it difficult to meet her gaze. “Max, nobody expects you to. I don't. Is that what you think?”

He wasn't sure. 

“You'll always love them,” Dag said. “They're your family and nothing can change that.”

He was looking at her hair, falling down over her shoulder.

“But I was alone before,” he said, unsure of how to continue. It hadn't been easier, being alone, but less complicated. He was the husband of a wife and the father of a son who weren't here anymore, and nothing else.

“You have so much love,” Dag said. “So much.”

She touched his cheek. 

“You're allowed to feel good. Nobody should be alone.”

She made it sound almost simple. 

“You're a good man,” she said. 

It was strange, but sitting there with her, her arms around his shoulders, the weight of her on his leg, he felt better. He'd thought it would make everything worse. 

It was quiet for a little while. 

“Am I getting too heavy?” she asked then.

“No.” She was a little heavy, not too bad. 

“I've put on a lot of weight this last year.”

He looked at her.

“You haven't noticed?” she said.

He shook his head. He hadn't. 

She smiled. “That's sweet.”

Now that she had mentioned it, he could see that she wasn't as skinny as she had been when she first got here. 

They looked at each other. She was running her fingers through his hair at the back of his head. He couldn't grasp that she actually wanted to be with him. He couldn't understand why. 

“We should wake up Nanci, or she won't sleep tonight,” Dag said. 

He nodded. 

He moved back to her bed that night, because she had asked him to and because he wanted to as well. They just slept, but that was enough, that was plenty.

**

Daisy's friend, May, who sometimes watched Nanci, made candle holders from old glass jars that she decorated. She gave one to Dag, who put it in the window above the sink.

“I don't wanna light any candles, though,” she said.

Max could understand that. Even though they hadn't caused the fire, by being careless with lit candles or anything else, he wasn't very fond of burning things either anymore. 

“You can just keep it like that,” he said. 

She was wearing a tank top and he could see the straps of her bra. They were bright purple. 

“Yeah.”

They went out to the car and put Nanci in her safety seat, then Max got in behind the wheel and Dag in the passenger seat. 

“Ice-cream!” Nanci proclaimed.

“No, we're going to buy food,” Dag said.

“Ice-cream!”

“Did you tell her that?” 

Dag looked at Max.

“No.” 

She had come up with it all on her own. 

“I need to go to the drugstore too,” Dag said. “I have to buy more of that salve, I've run out.”

She looked down at herself. She had patches of eczema on both her elbows and on her knees. 

“You know what's right next to the drugstore?” Max said.

“No, what?”

“An ice-cream stall.”

“Oh, you did put her up to it!” She laughed.

“No, I didn't.” He smiled. “She put me up to it.”

He looked at Nanci in the rear-view mirror. 

“Are we gonna get ice-cream?” he said.

“Yeah!” She threw her hands up.

“You're sabotaging my diet,” Dag said.

“You don't need a diet.”

“I might.”

He glanced at her.

“Stop that,” he said. “You look great.”

“What if I get really fat?”

“Then you get really fat.”

“And you wouldn't care?”

“No.”

He could see Dag in the corner of his eye, making a doubtful face.

“A guy can say that,” she said. “But then when it really comes down to it...” She shook her head.

“It doesn't matter what I say then, because you won't believe it.”

“No, I didn't say that. Or, at least, I didn't mean it like that. I mean that people, and not just guys, can say that it doesn't matter, and they mean it when they say it. But then when it comes to actually going out with someone, they don't live up to it.”

This conversation was pointless because neither one of them were fat. 

“Okay, fair enough. But I have actually gone out with a girl who was chubby, I don't know if she was fat, because I don't know what you mean by that. So, I do mean what I say.”

“Oh, when was that?”

“Um... a long time ago.”

“What was her name?”

He had no idea why she was asking that. In his experience, such as it were, there was at least a modicum of jealousy involved when it came to discussing past girlfriends, but Dag looked as if she found the topic exciting. 

“Doris. Why are we talking about this?” 

“I don't know. It's interesting.” 

It was quiet for a few seconds.

“So, I'm your girlfriend now, right?” she said then.

He nodded, then he thought that he wasn't entirely sure what they were. 

“You are, aren't you?” he said. He turned his head and looked at her.

“Yeah.”

They parked outside the supermarket. 

“Let's go up to the drugstore first,” Dag said. 

Nanci walked between them, holding their hands. There were quite a lot of people on main street. The stores had stands out front with things on sale and they each bought a pair of sunglasses. Dag looked really great in hers, like a movie star. Then she sifted through a rack of men's shirts.

“Why are you looking at those?” Max said.

“You said I was your girlfriend, so I can look at these,” she replied without turning her head.

He smiled and something moved inside his chest. She was so great, to put up with him. He remembered thinking the same thing about Jessie, but for completely different reasons. He'd been much more restless then, a little stupid, young and hot-tempered. She got mad at him at times. And she got jealous, even though he never stepped out on her, he never even considered it. That was irritating actually. 

He still missed her, though. It was confusing, because while he missed her, he was also in love with Dag. He wasn't the same person as he had been and Jessie didn't know the man that he had become. It was possible she wouldn't even have liked him. 

They continued up the street. Dag went into the drugstore and then they bought ice-creams. 

“You look really cool in your sunglasses,” Dag said.

“You look cool in yours.”

She laughed. 

“Can I get a kiss?” she said.

“What, now?”

“Mm-hm.” 

“Yeah, okay.”

He kissed her, feeling somewhat self-conscious about it because she had asked for it and because they were in the middle of the street. He looked at her. He couldn't see her eyes because of the sunglasses, but she was smiling. 

“Yeah, let's go to the store now,” he said. 

There were posters for this year's fair outside the supermarket. A couple of kids were busy putting them up.

“Oh, we can go to this again!” Dag said. 

It had been a year, a little more than a year even, since she and Nanci got here. 

“Yeah.”

They looked at each other, without sunglasses now, so he could see her. She was thinking about it too, it was right there on her face. It was obvious when looking at Nanci as well, she'd grown so much.

They bought their groceries and then they went home. They had invited May for dinner, because just like Daisy she refused any payment for looking after Nanci. She and her son Benno showed up right on time and they had brought a pie for dessert.

Benno was an adult, but he had some form of intellectual disability, which was why he still lived with his mother. Benno was about Max's age, but talking to him felt like talking to a child a lot of the time. Max had met him on a couple of occasions when they were children, because May knew his mother, and he remembered that he'd thought that he was odd. He didn't understand what his mom meant when she told him Benno was different, until he got a little older.

He didn't think Benno remembered those times, or that he knew who Max was, but it turned out he did. 

“You have puppies?” Benno asked.

“Puppies? What puppies, oh... right!”

“Your dog had puppies, one time when we were at your place,” May said.

“Yeah.” Max smiled. “That's right. We played with them.”

Benno smiled. 

“Sorry, I don't have any puppies now,” Max said. 

Benno said something else that he didn't catch.

“Sorry, come again?”

Max felt amazed, he hadn't thought about these things for years, and Benno remembered them as if they had happened yesterday. That they'd played by the creek and their mothers had scolded them, and Max's dad's fishing equipment, and toys that Max had.

“Those were good times,” Max said to him. 

“Yeah.”

Max and Dag took care of the washing up when May and Benno had left and Nanci was in bed, in her new room. They'd put her bed in the other bedroom, but come morning she was in the their bed anyway. 

“What were your parents like?” she asked.

“Um... my mom was kind, sweet. My dad was pretty strict.”

“Strict how?”

“Nothing extreme.” He guessed Dag was thinking about her own dad, but Joe's idea of strict was something else. “He was like a lot of other dads, I guess, got angry when I got into trouble.”

“Did you get into trouble?”

“No, never.”

Dag laughed.


	18. Chapter 18

“I think my girlfriend has broken up with me,” Nux said.

He was sitting on an upturned bucket, next to where Max was working on his car. 

“Why's that?”

“You remember when I had that party?”

Max did remember that, vividly. And it was pretty recently, so, yeah. He nodded.

“You know, her mom is the Sheriff?” Nux said. 

“Mm.”

“So she wasn't so happy about that, about Capable being there. But we could still see each other, but only at her house. But then we wanted to... you know... so we went out, and her sister was home and she told on us, and her mom got really pissed.”

Max threw a glance at him. He looked disheartened. 

“And she broke up with you?” Max said.

“Well, she called and said that her mom was angry, and we couldn't see each other. She said her mom was worried because I'm on my own, like, she didn't like that, and the party and the sex...” He looked down at his knees. “But she sounded kinda sad when she said it. So what should I do?”

He looked up at Max. 

“Why are you asking me?”

“I don't know. You're older. I did ask my brother, but I had to write it in a letter and he hasn't replied yet.”

Max could see what it was that had Furiosa worried. Nux had a somewhat irresponsible streak and he was on his own, had been for some time with just his brother to look after him, when he probably shouldn't have been. 

Max also remembered sneaking in late and having sex with Furiosa in her house, when they were in high school. She had teenaged children herself now, maybe that changed your perspective. He wouldn't know. He was painfully aware he knew nothing about having grown up children.

“Maybe you need to show them you're responsible,” Max said.

“Yeah.” Nux nodded. “How?”

God, Max didn't know the answers to all these questions. The funny thing was that he'd been popular with girls when he was Nux's age. It seemed a very long time ago now. His dad had given him a terse lecture on safe sex when he was a teenager, standing in front of the open hood of a car, just like he was now. He remembered feeling embarrassed at the time, but thinking back on it later he realized that had been pretty modern of his dad. And a good thing too, for him. Things were different then, there was no AIDS, and he could just as well have ended up getting someone pregnant.

Well, he did eventually, but he and Jessie were in love and after the initial shock they considered it a very lucky accident. 

“I don't know,” he said. “Not sneak out of her house when you're not allowed?”

“You think I should call her?”

“That's a start.”

Nux nodded. He looked over at the car.

“How's it going?” he asked.

“Hm... this needs replacing.” 

Nux got up and had a look.

“I have one of those,” he said. 

“It has to be this model.”

“Yeah, but I have it.” Nux smiled. “I'll go get it.”

Dag was going out with Toast and Valkyrie that night. Max invited Nux to stay for dinner, then before Nux was leaving Max held out a couple of bills to him.

“For the car part,” he said. 

“Nah, I don't need it, you've got a family, and you've helped me so much already.”

“Just take it, I don't wanna owe you.”

He put the bills in the front pocket of Nux's shirt. Nux smiled a little sheepishly.

“Thanks,” he said.

Max put Nanci to bed, then tidied up a bit. Apart from the fact that he did not like stepping on toys, barefoot, first thing in the morning, he and Dag also worried about Nanci tripping when she walked from her bed to theirs in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning. So far she'd been pretty cool about getting out of her own bed, it was low and close to the floor, and trot through the house over to theirs. 

The first few times she woke them up, or rather she woke Max up because he was closest to the door, when she wanted to come up into the bed, but then she'd managed that on her own too. She still crawled over him sometimes, to get to the middle, and that woke him up anyway. Still, it amazed him how capable she was. If she'd had a nightmare she wailed, but when she hadn't she just took matters into her own hands. 

Sprog hadn't been like that. He had his own bed, but he stayed in it and screamed instead until Max or Jessie got up and fetched him. Max wondered about that, if it was because of some difference in how they'd been treated, or if it was just different personalities. He and Jessie had been two grown-ups helping each other from the start, Dag had been on her own with Nanci. Maybe that had something to do with it. 

He was in bed, reading, when Dag got home. 

“Hi,” she said as she stuck her head into the bedroom. “I just gotta brush my teeth, then I'm coming to bed too.”

She crawled up right next to him when she got into bed. 

“Did you have a good time?” he asked. 

“Yeah.”

She kissed him. They'd done quite a lot of that, and a bit more, touching and hugging. He had worried about having another anxiety attack, but he hadn't. He was allowed, he reminded himself. Dag had told him that, and he believed her, he just didn't always feel it. But when he was with her he tended to forget his feelings of guilt.

Now she pressed herself close and he put the book away. 

“I love this,” she said, touching the hair on his chest.

She sat up briefly to pull off her t-shirt. She slept with that on, but he'd seen her without it. Her breasts were wonderful. 

Her skin was warm against his when she lay down again and they kissed some more, opened their mouths so that their tongues met. He could smell alcohol, faintly, on her breath, underneath the minty toothpaste.

“Are you drunk?” he asked.

“No. I had one beer. That's not drunk, is it?”

“No.”

He caressed her breasts, they were so soft and felt great in his hands. She was lovely, and sexy. He had a raging hard on. 

She took his hand and guided it lower. She was looking at him, something akin to a question in her eyes. He could feel the front of her panties under his palm, and a little lower the material was damp. 

“I really, really want to,” she said. “Do you?”

He did. He was just nervous, because he hadn't done this for years, and years, and years. He ran his fingers over that dampness, watched her open her mouth a little. 

It was a bit awkward, but at the same time it was the most natural thing in the world. His body, and her body, naked, together. It felt so good. When he pushed inside her he felt enclosed by her, in more ways than just the one. 

Her hands on his back, the warmth of her, the closeness, the way she was breathing. He was breathing hard. The intense feeling growing stronger and stronger, until he came. He felt a bit silly afterward, conscious of how he'd grimaced and panted, pretty much right in her face. 

She stroked his leg with her foot, her arms still around him. They looked at each other and she was smiling. 

“You feel great,” she said. 

He didn't know what to say. He felt overwhelmed, by her, by all of it.

“You too,” he said. 

He got up after a moment, threw away the condom and wiped himself off. He thought about how strange it was that he had thought about his dad's safe sex talk as recently as earlier that day. And he thought about how strange it felt to be forty-two years old and have sex with someone again.

He looked at himself in the mirror then. His face wasn't the same as when he was younger. There were some lines there, and a few white streaks in his beard. Standing there naked in the bathroom he thought about it in a way he hadn't before. He'd gotten indefinably rougher somehow, a bit bigger, more hairy. But he wasn't old. 

He ran his hand over his jaw. Dag found him desirable, wanted to have sex with him, and that was amazing to him. He'd been kind of amazed that Jessie loved him enough to marry him too. 

He turned around and looked over his shoulder at the tattoo, what he could see of it in the mirror above the washbowl. Joe had the same one, as did several of the other guys involved in his business. Max didn't think he had agreed to get it. He didn't like tattoos, and even back then he didn't like Joe or what they were doing. Joe had told him, laughing, that towards the end of getting it done, they had to hold him down. Max felt pretty sure they'd held him down through all of it. 

He went back to the bedroom, and Dag. She was halfway out of the bed.

“I wondered where you got to,” she said. “Everything okay?”

He nodded and got into bed next to her. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She smiled and nodded. 

“I don't want you to feel weird,” she said. “Do you feel weird?”

He thought about it for a moment. He did feel weird, because the last woman he slept with was Jessie, and now he'd slept with Dag. Jessie was the only other woman he'd been with who he had truly loved. He loved Dag and he wanted to be with her. Truth was he had been on his own for a long time, a much longer time than he was married, it just didn't feel like it. He knew it, though, he could feel the weight of all that time. 

“I'm good,” he said. 

She smiled. “I wanna do it again.” 

“What, now?”

“No, not now.” She laughed. “We're going to the fair tomorrow, we should probably get some sleep.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you hold me for a bit?”

She scooted closer so that she could put her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. He felt the weight of her head and her hand against his chest. 

**

Going to the fair this year felt very different from last year. The main external difference was that they had Toast and her girlfriend Angharad in the backseat, next to Nanci. Angharad was visibly pregnant and Max couldn't help but to be a bit curious about how that came about, but he wasn't so stupid he asked. 

Nux was, though. They ran into him on main street and he tagged along. They were sitting at a table, eating burgers. 

“So, are you two, like, lesbians?” 

“Yeah, that would be the definition,” Toast said. 

“So, how did you become pregnant?” Nux was looking at Angharad.

“Pretty much the same way as every other woman,” she replied.

“Really? I didn't think you liked, you know, guy tools. How does that even work?”

Max hit him on the head. “You're rude.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Dag said. “You don't ask things like that.”

“Sorry.”

Nux looked slightly shamefaced. He brightened considerably when Capable showed up.

“Hi,” she said. “I know we've met, but...” She held out her hand to Max. “Capable.”

He shook her hand briefly, even though he felt odd about it. “Max.”

She went around the table, said hi to everybody, then she sat down next to Nux. 

“You're allowed to see her again then?” Max asked him later when they were waiting for the others to come back from the ladies room.

“Yeah, but just at her house and out like this.”

“Hm.”

“Her mom said that it's because I'm older and live on my own and I can buy beer and stuff. I'm not allowed to do that either, the beer.”

Max threw a glance at him.

“That's probably good,” he said. 

“Yeah.” Nux nodded. 

Toast came back out, holding Nanci by the hand. 

“Max!” Nanci held her arms up so that he would lift her up, then she told him she had a new diaper. 

“That line took forever,” Toast said. “You guys have been waiting out here almost all of that time, right? Kinda makes me wish I had guy tools...”

Max didn't say anything and it seemed Nux hadn't heard her. 

Dag went on a merry-go-round with Nanci. Max stood outside the railing and he remembered waving to Jessie and Sprog exactly like this. Dag was smiling, happy because Nanci was happy and it was so fun to see her do all these things, brand new and exciting to her. It made him happy too. And he missed his boy. One feeling superimposed on the other. 

After a while they headed back and had iced tea in Max and Dag's backyard. It seemed serene in comparison to the fair. 

“She's so adorable,” Angharad said and laughed. She was playing on the grass with Nanci and Nanci was being a little clown. Angharad smiled at her. “I hope mine will be just as cute as you!”

Nanci knew perfectly well when she was being called cute and she beamed. 

“Can I ask you something?” Angharad looked up at Max from where she was sitting on the ground. 

“Um, yeah,” he said, although he felt a bit wary.

“She was about a year or so, when you got to know her? That's when you moved here, right?” Angharad shot Dag a questioning look.

“Yeah,” Dag said.

“Okay, so I see how she is with you,” Angharad said and she was looking at Max again, “and it's like she's always known you, like you've been her dad from day one.”

Max felt uneasiness spread inside him, but then Dag took his hand. 

“From your perspective,” Angharad went on, “do you think it would have been any different if she had been a newborn, or even if she'd been your biological child, when it comes to how you've connected to her?”

That was a pretty personal question. He didn't even know Angharad.

“No,” he said, anyway. 

She was looking at him as if that one-syllable answer was endlessly fascinating. 

“We've been talking about adopting,” she said then. “And it can be difficult to adopt as a single mother, but there are a lot of children who are a little older, who also need homes and they have a harder time finding families for them.”

“Let's wait 'til you've popped out the one you have in there,” Toast said. “Then see how keen you are to have another one.”

Angharad smiled, turning her focus to Nanci again. Max looked at Dag, who was still holding his hand. She smiled a little at him, then leaned closer and kissed him on the cheek. 

“Who is the dad to Ang's baby?” Max asked Dag later when they were cleaning up in the kitchen.

It was none of his business, but he was a bit curious, and asking Dag was harmless. She was folding laundry on the kitchen table.

“Truth is,” Dag said, putting another towel on the pile of folded ones, “she went to a bar, found a guy.”

“And Toast was fine with that?”

Dag nodded. “Yeah.”

That sounded very strange to him. 

“I think they talked about asking a friend, a guy, but then that didn't work out. And she wanted a baby.”

Max put away the glasses they'd had iced tea in, then walked over to Dag.

“And Nanci's dad?” he asked. 

She stopped folding, kept her eyes on the clothes. 

“A guy in a bar,” she said after a moment. “It was nothing planned or anything. Not like Ang. It was an accident.”

She picked on a loose thread on one of Nanci's shirts. 

“I don't actually know who her dad is,” she said then. She looked at him, an unhappy look on her face. “Do you think I'm horrible?”

“No,” he said. 

She still looked unhappy so he put his arms around her. 

“I could never think that you're horrible,” he said. “And certainly not because of that.”

She hugged him. 

“You're her dad,” she said. “You really are. She loves you.”

He closed his eyes and held her tight.


	19. Chapter 19

The leaves were falling off the trees and they gathered in droves on the path outside their front door. It rained quite a lot too, so they were soggy and slippery, and it seemed like as soon as Max had cleared the path, the trees dumped another load. 

He had to get them off the roof too, and he wasn't very happy doing that, but he did it. He borrowed a ladder from Captain and Nux stood on the ground below and held it in place. At least the trees were more or less leafless now.

Nux showed up again the next day, with Capable in tow. 

“Hi,” he said as he came in through the back door. He didn't knock, he never did. 

“Hi,” Capable said. 

Max and Dag were watching TV, a nature program, and Nanci watched it sporadically, standing right in front of the TV so they couldn't see anything. 

“Hey,” Dag said. 

“Hi Nanci!”

Nanci smiled at Nux.

“You can sit there,” Nux said to Capable, indicating the seat on the couch not taken by Max and Dag.

She sat down, smiling a bit shyly. Nux sat down on the armrest. 

“You guys want coffee or something?” Dag asked.

“Yeah, sure, thanks,” Nux said. 

“I'll do it,” Max said and got up. 

Nux followed him out to the kitchen. 

“I thought you weren't allowed to hang out at your place,” Max said as he took out the coffee can.

“No, but I explained to her mom that we were going to your house.”

Max looked at him. “All right.”

“Do you have any cookies?”

“I don't know. You can check.”

They brought the cups out to the living room. Dag had started drinking coffee, sometimes having a cup when Max had one, usually on Saturday or Sunday afternoons, like today. 

Nux and Capable stayed for a while, watched a bit of TV. Max went out just after they had left – Daisy called and asked if he could come over and help her move some furniture – so he saw the taillights of Nux's car as it headed for the road and towards town and was somewhat surprised. He'd thought that Nux had been lying to Furiosa and just wanted to sprinkle the lie with a little bit of truth. 

But Nux brought Capable over again a while later, basically involving her in his delusion that you could just waltz into other people's homes whenever you felt like it. Max sort of liked that he came over though. He sort of liked him, annoying though as he was.

He liked it a whole lot less when there was a knock on his door in the middle of the night. When he got up and opened, Furiosa was outside. 

“Hi,” she said. “Are Capable and Nux here?”

“No.”

Dag came up behind him.

“What's going on? Has something happened?”

“Have you checked his place?” Max said. 

“Yes. There's no one there. Do you know where they might be?”

Max shook his head. Furiosa made a frustrated face. 

“I'm gonna throttle him.” 

“He's, um... he's all right,” Max said. 

Furiosa sighed. “I know that,” she said. “He's just not that bright, though, is he? I'm just worried. It's really late, and I don't know where they are...”

The worry was written all over her face. 

“Capable knows she's not supposed to be out this late, and she usually keeps her curfew...” She took a deep breath. 

Nothing was open this late, and the nights were starting to get really cold now. 

“Okay. Sorry I woke you,” she said. 

“We'll call if we hear anything.”

“Thanks.”

Max closed the door. 

“Are you worried?” Dag asked.

“Little bit.”

They went back to bed, but Max had difficulties going back to sleep. Nux was the kind of person who could do really stupid things, without realizing how stupid they were. Max didn't know Capable well enough to say if she was any better. So he worried.

When he parked in the lot outside work the next day, he saw Nux getting out of his own car, and he directed his steps towards him.

“The sheriff knocked on our door in the middle of the night,” he said as greeting.

“Oh...”

“Yeah, oh.. What the hell were you doing?”

“Um... we fell asleep, in my car...”

Max felt like he might throttle him. 

“Did she seem angry, the sheriff?” Nux asked.

Max glared at him and Nux got a shameful expression on his face. 

“Did you drive her home?” Max asked.

“Yeah.”

Max started towards the door and Nux hurried after him. 

“Are you angry?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Max felt stupid now, worrying about him and then the idiot had just gone and fallen asleep. 

“I'm sorry,” Nux said. 

Max felt a faint sort of panic prickle along his hairline, tighten his shoulders and pool in his stomach. He left Nux there, but he had difficulties shaking off his uneasiness and it stayed with him all throughout his shift. 

It wasn't until he got home that he got a sense of what it was about. Nanci was happy to see him, and he to see her, but he was also reminded of the tremendous responsibility he had to her. She counted on him being there, every day, and to have all the answers to questions he knew nothing about. She was a little girl now, would be a little girl for some time, and that was daunting enough, but what about when she grew up, became a young woman? What was expected of him then? What about when she stayed out all night with a boyfriend? He didn't know how to handle that.

Dag was in the kitchen, chopping up vegetables.

“Hey,” he said, slipped his arm around her waist and kissed the corner of her mouth. 

“The warden of the prison called,” she said, not taking her eyes from the chopping-board. “Joe is dead.”

Max heard the words but it felt as if they didn't land anywhere inside him. 

“What happened?” he asked. “Do they know?”

“Yeah, heart-attack.”

He watched her. Chop-chop-chop. Round pieces of carrot piling up. He didn't feel anything. He had expected to feel something.

“Are you all right?” he asked and she nodded. 

But she wasn't. She was subdued that evening, and it was the same the next. Then she started talking about making funeral arrangement and got all worked up, worried about how and when and she didn't know, and what about this and that. She was clearly upset and Max couldn't quite understand it.

“Does it matter?” he finally asked when she, once again, started talking about where Joe should be buried. He was born down south, but had no family left there, no family at all except for Dag. 

“Of course it matters!”

He could probably have chosen a better way to phrase that. 

“Okay, yeah, but... are you planning to visit his grave?”

Dag looked at him. 

“You think I'm annoying, I can tell,” she said. 

“No...” She was, a little bit. “I just don't understand why you get so worked up over his funeral. Who's going to be there?”

“I'm going to be there!”

She started crying.

“It's like I'm not allowed to be sad!” she said. 

It was as if she'd gone slightly insane. Had she completely forgotten what kind of man Joe was? Or had she simply not known? No, she knew; she had told Max herself about why her mother finally left him.

“I'm not saying that,” Max said. “He wasn't good to you.”

“He was still my dad!” 

Her tears were guilt-inducing. Max could feel it, it tugged at his heart. Still...

“I almost killed him,” he said, looking straight at her. “Is this how you would have reacted then too?”

“It wasn't the same! And I never asked you to do that! It's like... I'm supposed to be all supportive and understanding because of your grief, but when I'm sad you tell me I'm stupid!”

He couldn't believe she did that; that she compared her loss of Joe to his loss of his wife and child. Max felt as if he had to get out of there, right now, or he didn't know what he might say.

So he left. He didn't get in the car, that would have felt risky, so he walked. It was a starry night and the cold air was needed; he felt as if he was boiling inside. He felt like shaking her to remind her that Joe, her dad, had intended to rape her. She'd told Max about how scared she'd been of him and what it had been like growing up in his house. She'd told him about the isolation and that her mom got her out of there because of what he was like. How could she just forget all that?

He walked for a long time; his hands and feet felt icy cold when he got home again. The lights were off in the bedroom, but Dag wasn't asleep. She was with her back to the door, pretending perhaps to be asleep. Max got undressed and got into bed behind her, pretending to believe she was asleep.

For a few days things were off between them. They didn't speak much. Max felt it was impossible to talk to her, because if he wanted to say something he'd have to play along with her fantasy, or she'd just get angry with him again. 

“I don't wanna fight anymore,” she said one evening. 

They had gone to bed for the night, but the bedside lamps were still on. Max lowered his paperback.

“Me neither,” he said. 

He looked over at her. 

“I just don't get why you're angry with me,” she said.

He put his book away and turned to face her. 

“I'm not angry.”

She looked as if she was about to start crying.

“Come here,” he said. 

She scooted closer and he put his arms around her. He could feel her breath against the hollow of his throat. 

“I can't help that I'm sad,” she said.

“I know.”

He caressed her head, ran his fingers through her hair, then leaned his head against hers. 

“I know he was a bad person...” she said. “I know that. I don't miss him. I'm just scared.”

“Why are you scared?”

“I don't know.”

She hugged him tight. 

“I think maybe I'm scared that I'm alone,” she said. 

“But you're not alone.”

“What if you don't want to be with me anymore?”

He held her closer, as close as was possible. Maybe it was a failing on his part, that she worried about that, he wasn't sure.

“I do want to be with you,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He could hear in her voice that she was crying now. 

“You don't need to worry about that,” he said. “I'm not going anywhere.”

She lifted her head and he looked at her, ran his fingers across her cheek and wiped away a few tears. 

“I'm amazed you want to be with me,” he said. That was the truth, he'd thought about it lots of times, but he'd never voiced it before. 

“Who wouldn't want to be?” she replied. She smiled, it was a little shaky, but at least it was a smile, instead of more tears. “You're wonderful.”

It made him feel warm, hearing that. He kissed her and then they hugged again. 

**

The first snow fell, light and powdery. Max gave Nux a ride to and from work a few days, because his car wouldn't start.

“I know what's wrong with it, though,” Nux said. “I'm gonna fix it.”

“Hm. Let me know if you need any help.”

“Yeah.”

Max threw a glance at him. He had a knitted hat on and it made him look younger.

“Are you and Capable, um... Are you guys still together?” Max asked. He hadn't seen her in a while. Nux still popped by the house every so often.

“I don't know... She was grounded, and then she said she needed to focus on school... She says she likes me, but we haven't seen each other or anything. I don't know if she wants to, or if her mom will allow it.”

Max nodded a little.

“Maybe you should wait until she's a little older,” he said after a moment. “And then if you still like her, and she likes you...”

“Yeah. Yeah, that's probably good.”

Max dropped Nux off outside his place and then drove home, parked in what was now their carport. Nanci shrieked when he came through the door and threw herself at him. 

“Hey there,” he said, lifted her up and kissed her. “What have you done today?”

Judging by the state of the living room she'd done quite a lot of things. Most of her toys seemed to be strewn all over the floor. 

“Hi,” Dag said. 

“Hi.”

Nanci wanted to be put down again. 

“Come,” Dag said and took his hand.

“What?”

He saw it then, there was something in the look on her face. He followed her into the bedroom. Nanci stayed with her toys and the children's show that was on TV.

“Furiosa came by,” Dag said, “with this.”

She picked up a white envelope from the top of the dresser. Max felt wary. He didn't know what this was about.

“It's photographs,” Dag said. “She said she had been going through some things, and she found them. And she thought of you, and the fire, that maybe you'd want them...”

Max got a lump in his throat and a tight feeling in his chest. Dag held the envelope out to him and he took it. It felt surprisingly heavy in his hand. He swallowed.

“Have you looked at them?” he asked.

“No.”

She took his other hand.

“I don't know if you wanna look at them alone?” she said. “Or we can look at them together, if you want?”

Max didn't know either. He would never have expected to miss the photographs he'd lost as much as he did. He had rarely looked at them, it hurt too much, but not having any pictures of Jessie and Sprog had felt devastating. 

Now he was scared of opening the envelope, of how it would make him feel. 

“I'll... I'll look at them later,” he said.

Dag nodded a little. 

“Should we make dinner?” she said.

“Yeah.”

He put the envelope back on the dresser, but it stayed in his mind, all through dinner and getting Nanci into her pajamas and brushing her teeth. Then Dag went to put her to bed and he thought about taking out the photos to look at them, only he didn't. He turned on the TV and he was sitting there on the couch when Dag came back out again.

“Is she asleep?” he asked.

“Yeah. You want tea?”

“No, thanks.”

She sat down next to him.

“I think you should look at the photos,” she said. 

“Yeah, I know.”

He took a deep breath and looked at her. She was looking right back at him.

“I'd love to see them,” she said. 

“You would?”

She nodded. “I mean, Jessie and Sprog are a part of you,” she said. 

He thought for a moment, then nodded a little before he got up and went and fetched the envelope. 

It was painful, just like he knew it would be, but at the same time having these pictures meant so much and he felt such gratitude towards Furiosa. 

“That's Jessie,” he said. Jessie was smiling at the camera, her dark curly hair moved by an invisible wind. He wasn't sure when that picture was from, maybe they hadn't started dating at the time it had been taken, but she looked exactly the way he remembered. 

“She looks really kind,” Dag said. “She's pretty.”

“And that's Sprog.” Max fought the tears burning in his eyes, but lost that fight. 

“He's beautiful.”

Max nodded. Dag handled the pictures with such care, as if they were as precious to her as they were to him, and it made him feel a tremendous tenderness towards her. He was in a couple of the pictures too, with Jessie or Sprog, or both of them. His own face told him how long ago it was, and in a way it felt like it, in another it felt like just moments.

“He looks just like you,” Dag said. 

Max nodded, then took her hand. She squeezed his fingers back. When they had looked through all of the photos they hugged. He held her tight, breathed in the scent of her, felt her against him, warm and solid. 

“Your family's so beautiful,” she said. 

He didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say, so he just held her and felt her arms around him.

**

They had Nux over for Christmas and then later, when Nux had gone home, Max and Dag celebrated Max's forty-third birthday in the bedroom. They'd gotten to know that side of each other by now and things were really good. 

The dark, winter months went by fast. He went to work, came home, spent the evenings and weekends with Dag and Nanci. He was surprised when the snow started melting and he could feel the faint warmth of the sun on his face again. 

On the days that Dag was going to the hardware store he dropped her off in the morning and picked her up after work. He suggested they should stay in town one of those days and have dinner, just the two of them. They'd only done it that one time, on Dag's birthday, and soon that would be a whole year ago. Dag seemed glad when he brought it up, but not as happy as he had expected. Maybe she thought he should have come up with the idea a lot earlier. 

They asked Toast to watch Nanci that evening and they went to a small restaurant in town. There was no dance floor here which Max was both a little relieved and disappointed by. It was early for dinner, so most of the tables were empty and they got one by the window, overlooking main street.

Dag was a bit quiet. 

“You didn't wanna come here?” he eventually asked.

“No, no, I did. It's lovely.” She smiled. “I'm sorry, I just... Can we skip dessert? Go for a walk instead?”

“Sure.” An uneasy feeling blossomed in the pit of his stomach. 

They paid and when they came outside it felt odd to just pick a direction and start walking. There were a few people out and about, but mostly the streets were deserted. Max went for walks in the woods behind the trailer park, but he rarely, if ever, walked through town without any particular destination. 

They walked past town hall and onto a quiet street that led through a residential area. A car went by, driving slowly as if to not disturb the peace.

“There's something I need to tell you,” Dag said. 

Max glanced at her. 

“But I'm a bit nervous to,” she said. 

She was scratching at her elbow through the material of her jacket and he took her hand. Her fingers were a little cold. He felt nervous now, too. 

“I'm pregnant.”

He heard her, but it felt as if the words hung in the air, suspended, and he couldn't grab on to them. 

They stopped walking. It didn't make any sense, they had used condoms; except when he thought about it he knew they hadn't been all that careful. 

“Please, Max, say something,” she said. 

“That's, um... Are you sure?”

She nodded. “As sure as those tests from the drugstore can be, but I've done three...”

She had a hesitant look on her face. “Are you mad?”

“What, no.” He shook his head. “No, I just...” 

He didn't know what to say. It was too big to even grasp. 

“I don't know what to say,” he said, meeting her gaze. “I, um... Are you happy?”

She smiled then, and he felt a smile tug at his own lips. 

“Yeah,” she said. “Are you?”

A warm balloon began to spread inside his chest. He nodded and he hugged her, then kissed her. 

It was scary, and also amazing, to think that there was a life growing there in her belly, which he couldn't resist touching then. 

It all felt unreal, but at the same time he felt as if he was about to start crying, right there on the sidewalk outside some stranger's house. 

“I understand if it's difficult,” Dag said. “I was worried about telling you, I wasn't sure how you'd feel, because of your son.”

Max nodded a little. 

“But if you're a little happy, too?” she said.

“I'm a lot happy.” 

Sprog would have been twenty-one now. Max couldn't really imagine what it would have been like, what he would have been like. He was forever three, in his place inside Max's heart. It was just like Dag had said to him once, he would always be his dad. Now they had made a baby, loving each other, and he was going to be a dad again. And they had Nanci, who he loved just as if she had been his own.

“We're really having a baby?” he said. 

“Yeah, we're really having a baby.”

They smiled at each other, and kissed and hugged some more. Then they headed back towards the car, lest they get picked up for loafing on the street. 

Max felt her hand in his. He loved her so much, he was never going to be able to tell her how much. She meant everything, she and Nanci both. They were his and he was theirs. He glanced at her. 

“Maybe we should get married?” he said. 

She turned her head. “You wanna get married?”

He did. He nodded.

“Yeah,” she said and smiled. 

“We don't have to, if you don't want to.”

“No, I want to.”

He realized then that he had just proposed to her and not in the most romantic of ways. 

“You're a little old-fashioned,” she said, still smiling. 

He wasn't sure if she meant that as a good thing or a bad thing, but he felt conscious of the fact that she was younger than he was. 

“I wanna marry you, because of you,” Dag said. “But can we work something out with Nanci, too? I mean, if we're married maybe it's not that difficult, there is no father on her birth-certificate.”

Max nodded. “Yeah,” he said.

“You sure?”

He looked at her. “I'm sure.” 

She smiled. “You're still my best friend, you know,” she said. “And I love you. And Dag Rockatansky sounds awesome.”

He smiled too.


End file.
